Eating of Empty Eyes
by Deena
Summary: With a fragment of Ultimecia still in Seifer's mind, only Zell can touch him.yaoi, SeiferxZell Updated!
1. Mechanical Arraignment

Chapter II : Mechanical Arraignment 

The remainder of the sunny afternoon was dwindling down into a crisp, orange-skied evening. A slight breeze swept through the bustling streets and winded its way into the approaching night. 

Zell absently played with the prongs on his fork as he watched the world hurry past the generous picture window of the restaurant he'd decided to eat in. Deling City was much larger and more active than Balamb and he liked watching the motion swirl around him. There was so much to see, so many people doing so many different things. Life was blatantly obvious here and it was precious to watch. 

Since Ultimecia's defeat, Zell had a whole new affinity on life. He knew that a whole world could change in a heartbeat and everything familiar could disappear in seconds. Life, he understood now, was fragile and he tried his best to keep it real. Well mostly.

He smiled wistfully as a brunette with a ponytail walked by. She reminded him of Rayla, the shy, studious library girl who'd had a crush on him. While his feelings for Rayla hadn't been as strong as her feelings for him, he still had like her a lot and had enjoyed her company immensely.  It had been sad seeing her go and he still missed her. She had been a good friend to him, though it was probably for the best that she had left Balamb Garden because he hadn't been sure that he could give her what she deserved.

"Are you ready to order now?" The redheaded waitress smiled down at him, her pen posed atop her bill pad.

Zell nodded and gave her his order.

"Alright then," she replied briskly, whisking away his menu. "I'll be right back with your drink."

"Thanks," Zell said and turned his attention back to watching the crowds outside. 

The dying sun cast luminous shadows upon the lively streets, drenching the scurrying crowds in vibrant shades. His gaze shifted until it happened to rest upon a familiar figure striding through the people across the car-crammed street. 

Blue eyes widened.

 "Well shit," he muttered, blinking rapidly.

Standing nearly a head taller than most, clad in a sweeping black trench coat, was Seifer Almasy. He was stalking down the street with asphalt-eating steps, a stack of tattered books clenched in his hands. 

"So he came to Deling City," Zell thought, scrutinizing the other blond.

After the Garden had flown back home, Seifer had remained in Balamb for about a week, according to Zell's Ma, who delighted in sending him letters filled with Balamb town gossip. Then, just as Fujin and Raijin were reinstated back into the Garden, Seifer had disappeared. Fujin refused to talk about Seifer's departure and beat the hell out of anyone who talked shit about the ex-Knight. Raijin, if Fujin wasn't around, would admit that he didn't know where Seifer was. He only knew that Seifer had left a note saying that he needed to find peace and atone for his sins.

That fact alone was enough to catch Rinoa's interest. She had nagged Raijin into showing her Seifer's note. Then, much to Squall's chagrin, she had made a grand production of regaling them all with what she knew and demanded that they forgive Seifer because he had obviously changed. Not everyone had shared her altruistic outlook. Squall had rolled his eyes, Irvine had snorted, Quistis had sighed and he had responded with a hearty 'Hell no!' Only Selphie had taken Rinoa's side and agreed that Seifer deserved to be forgiven. Afterall, if Rinoa could forgive him, she being the one that he had practically fed to Adel, then why couldn't they all follow suit?

Well Rinoa could think and do what she wanted to but Zell wasn't ready to forgive Seifer. Putting aside the countless times, both at the orphanage and later on in the Garden, that Seifer had bullied him and gotten him in trouble, there was the fact that he had betrayed them all. Seifer had been a part of the attacks on Trabia and Balamb Gardens, had tried to kill them, had killed their faithful Odin, had resurrected Adel and forced Rinoa upon her and even after Fujin and Raijin had left him, he still hadn't known when to stop. Forgiving Seifer would be extremely difficult, if not damn near impossible.

Zell truly believed that but at the same time, Rinoa's words struck with him. Seifer, by his own admission, acknowledged that he had made a *mistake* and was looking to *atone* for his sins?! That bordered upon extraordinary. The Seifer that Zell knew, that they all knew, would never admit that he had made a mistake. But that admission, coupled with the fact that he was looking to make up for his past sins, truly intrigued Zell. Of course he'd die before ever admitting that he was intrigued by Seifer's actions but it was the truth. 

Secretly, Zell was curious. And wasn't it only natural? He'd known Seifer nearly all of his life and whether he liked it or not (he didn't), Seifer was, in some strange, incomprehensible way, like family to him. Even more so now that he remembered his childhood in Edea's orphanage. Seifer had always been in his life, picking on him and blaming him and fighting with him. If nothing else remained constant, Seifer did. And now, the one person that Zell could always count on to never change, to always be a cocky asshole, had changed.

And it was fucking lunacy. How the hell had he ended up looking to Seifer for some sort of constancy? He hadn't thought about it before but now that Seifer was truly gone, he had evaluated and revaluated his relationship with the older boy. It was stupid and lame and something only a true loser would do. But stability wasn't something that was in Zell's nature and he supposed that on some frigged up level it made sense that he looked elsewhere for it. Even if it was to Seifer. Afterall during his cadet days, he and Seifer had shared a lot of classes and assignments together.

Ever since Rinoa had announced the contents of Seifer's note, Zell had thought a lot about him. He wasn't certain why or what for, but Seifer had been on his mind and it was definitely strange. Then it had died down as life demanded and missions popped up. And in that manner, six months had passed. 

Only now, seeing Seifer in person, was Zell reminded of his former curiosity.  

"I don't even know why I give a shit," Zell contemplated inwardly, cupping his chin in the palm of his hand, his elbow resting upon the table. "It's not like that bastard deserves anything."

Still, even though he swore that he wasn't concerned with Seifer, he couldn't help but note the change in the other man's bearing. Seifer was striding quickly down the street, with his gaze trained firmly upon the ground instead of swaggering and smirking self-importantly at everyone he passed. And he was holding a bunch of books in his arms. That was definitely un-Seifer like. The last bit out outside reading Zell had seen Seifer indulge in was 'Little Tonberry makes a mess' and that only at Matron's insistence. 

"Oh well," Zell thought as the waitress placed his drink in front of him. "It's none of my business what happens to that jerk."

~*~*~*~*~*~

"...followed by three orders of Grendel streak, a couple bowls of Blue Blobra stew, the closed Turtapod Surprise and an extra-large order of your Vegetable-Cockatrice Medley. Oh and for dessert I'd like a couple slices of your Estharian Moon Beam Cake with the Winhill Special Flower glaze. Got it?"

"Win...hill...Special...Flower...sauce," the waiter repeated slowly as he scribbled furiously upon his notepad. He looked up, his eyes slightly glassy. "Will that be everything, Miss?"

Selphie nodded, satisfied. "For now. If I want anything else, I'll let you know."

"Er...right." The waiter capped his pen. "I'll be back."

"Thanks!"

Irvine watched the brunette for a moment before shaking his head. "I know you haven't since breakfast but aren't you overdoing it? Three Grendel steaks? That's three damn big pieces of meat!"

"I'm a growing girl," Selphie declared, folding her arms across her chest. "I need food. 'Sides, the cafeteria never has anything good so now that we're finally at a decent restaurant I intend to make up for all the crappy meals that I've been forced to eat. Seriously, if I have to eat another stupid hot dog I won't be held responsible for my actions."

Irvine had to smile. "You're some piece of work, you know that darlin'?"

Selphie blinked owlishly at the endearment but chose to ignore it since she knew that he wasn't serious. "Yeah, if you like your girls stickish." She frowned down at her skinny arms. "I needa gain some serious weight if I wanna help out with the reconstruction process at Trabia Garden." 

"You look pretty good to me," Irvine drawled out, giving her a thorough once-over.

The brunette snorted. "Irvine, all girls look pretty good to you."

"Well yeah," Irvine admitted. "But all girls can't eat like a Snow Lion. I find that large appetites tend to carry over into _other_ aspects."

"Other aspects? You perv!" Selphie whacked the gunslinger. "Don't forget that all girls can't kick your ass!" 

Irvine winked at her. "Why darlin', I didn't know you cared!"

Selphie snickered. "Yeah, you're like the older brother I never wanted!"

"Why then, do I have the distinct memory of you asking me to be your boyfriend?"

Green eyes widened at the forgotten memory. "We were like five years old!"

Irvine sighed theatrically. "You had such good taste back then. I don't know what happened."

"It's called growing up, loser!"

"Why are you so bent on hurting me?" Irvine asked, his expression dramatically wounded. 

"I'm sure there are dozens of girls who'd love to raise your spirits," Selphie said, rolling her eyes. 

Irvine straightened and looked deeply into animated jade-colored eyes. His tone was low and his Galbadian accent thickened, as it always did when he was completely serious. "And if I only want you?"

Selphie's heart beat quickened at the unexpected intensity of Irvine's actions. His words, tone and gaze all startled her. She had seen Irvine in action with the ladies before and he looked at them like he was looking at her now. She and Rinoa had secretly dubbed the smoky, heavy-lidded violet gaze 'Irvy's bag 'em and bang 'em' look. However, the infamous look had never been turned on her and it, coupled with the gravity tinting his voice, utterly unnerved her. 

She fidgeted, twisting and clutching at her fingers. Irvine always flirted with her but it meant nothing. She was just another girl in a long line of girls and he was only interested in her because they had been best friends as children and he hadn't slept with her yet. She was probably nothing more than a challenge to him.

Selphie smiled, a gesture which came automatically to her. "You wanna make me into a statistic there cowboy?"

"Sel-"

"Here are your drinks folks," their waiter suddenly interrupted, sweeping up to their table. He placed tall, chilled glasses in front of them and then hurried off to another table.

Selphie stuffed the brightly colored straw into her mouth and took a long drink. "Yum, yum!" she declared, smacking her lips. "This vacation is gonna be awesome, I can just tell."

Irvine frowned into the rim of his glass. Even now, Selphie still wouldn't believe that he was serious about wanting her. She made all his attempts into a joke and he'd had enough. This little vacation was the perfect opportunity to show Selphie that she was different than all the other nameless girls he'd dated.

He would prove to her that he loved her. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

A few hours later, Zell sauntered back into the hotel, a huge grin plastered across his face. He had just purchased Combat King issues 8 and 9, as well as the long-awaited, reader-acclaimed sequel to 'Goodbye Pupurun', 'See you Later Pupurun'. In addition to stocking up on his reading material, he'd stumbled across a used CD store and had found the rare, discontinued copy of  'Claustrophobia Calamity ' the first CD by his favorite industrial punk group, Pressing Elevator Buttons.

Life, he liberally decided, was damn good.

"Mr. Dincht?"

Zell looked over at the dark-haired receptionist who was smiling and shuffling papers together. "Yeah that's me." He approached the reception desk. "How'd you know?"

"You and your acquaintances are the only SeeDs staying with us for the moment." She handed him a slip of paper. "A message came in for you folks from Balamb Garden. They want you to call them back as soon as possible. I was unable to get in touch with the other members of your party so I'm glad that you've come in. I got the impression that the message was urgent."

Zell resisted the urge to groan. Not even one damn day of vacation had passed and already the Garden was bombarding them! "Thanks," he grumbled and headed towards the elevator.

Zell groused all the way to his room and once inside, he groused some more. He dropped his bags onto the ornate dresser that dominated the south wall of the room and flopped bonelessly onto his bed. Selphie and Irvine were still gone so he couldn't force the phoning task onto one of them.

"They better not make us give up our vacation," he complained loudly to the ceiling. "I worked hard for this and I'm not leaving!"

A few minutes more of carping and procrastinating passed before he finally skulked off the bed and found the phone. He dialed Headmaster Cid's office number and waited impatiently while the phone rang and rang. Finally the intercommunications response system activated and he was able to leave a rushed message.

Glancing at the clock, he realized that he'd forgotten about the time change between Deling City and Balamb. Deling City was four hours behind, making it about midnight in Balamb. Oh well, he tried. It wasn't his fault that everyone was sleeping.

Pulling his sneakers and socks off, Zell settled down on his bed and flipped on the TV. The popular children's cartoon 'Cactaur's Centra Adventure' was on. Grinning, he began to watch. He had loved this show as a child, even if Seifer had spent hours making fun of him because of it.

He shifted uneasily as he thought of Seifer. Yet again, his thoughts had unconsciously drifted to older blond. How was it that even though he was gone, Seifer still had power over him? 

"Stupid Seifer," he mumbled and forcibly thrust all disconcerting thoughts from his head. He had a show to watch and he wasn't about to let Seifer ruin it.

*********************  
Author's Notes  
*********************  
  
I hope I didn't gross anyone out with Selphie eating monsters but hey I didn't make it up. It's all about Eden's Devour command and it was Selphie who ate a Grendal and said it was refreshing. Hah hah, I really love the Devour command.


	2. Sordid in the Mind

Chapter III : Sordid in the Mind 

_"What the fuck do you want from me?"_

_Zell started at the sheer venom that coated Seifer's rich voice. "What?"_

_The tall blond began to stride towards him, his long smoke-colored trench coat snaking about his legs. Within the inky blackness, his eyes were hardened chips of bone, glinting and dead.  "How much more can you take from me? I have nothing now.  I'm fucking disgraced because of you!"_

_Something akin to fear slipped into his veins. "What the hell are you talking about? You were wrong! Ultimecia was wrong! We had to-"_

_"I don't care what you had to do!"_

_Zell tried to move backwards but found that he could not. A poignant rush of dread swiftly enveloped him. Around him the air grew murky, thick and inky like a melting shadow. His hands were naked and immobile, sending cold shivers of stark vulnerability jetting up his spine. His voice was desperate when he spoke. "You were possessed! We had to stop you! Ultimecia was going to-"_

_"Shut up!" Seifer was approaching quickly, his face a scribble of livid frost. "You ended up a fucking hero while the whole world dumped shit on me. But that all ends here, chicken-wuss." The cloying darkness was sliced apart by cool steel as Seifer hefted Hyperion into view. The sleek gunblade shone manically, taunting Zell with its power. "It's your turn to lose."_

_He still was unable to move and in the end, it probably wouldn't have mattered. Hyperion was swift and he gasped as the unforgiving metal slipped into his skin, carving inwards. Pain leaked into his being as wet fluid twisted away from him. He couldn't speak and couldn't think, as the world tilted around and suddenly he was staring up into icy eyes, the hard floor beneath him. _

_Aristocratic features sneered down at him. "You're the loser now, chicken-wuss. I won't be bothered by you again."_

_Something was spilling from him as the room grew cold. Zell struggled to keep his eyes open but he was suddenly so weary. Even in the darkness, behind closed lids, he could still see bitterly detached sapphire-colored eyes smirking down at him._

~*~*~*~*~*~__

Zell didn't scream out loud or bolt upright drenched in sweat when he woke. Instead, his eyes opened quickly and struggled to adjust to the darkness of the hotel room. He found that he was still cold, as if a part of his dream lingered on against him. He quietly gulped for air and then looked beside him to see if he'd woken his companions.

Selphie was laying on her stomach, her arms hanging limply off the sides of the bed. Her face was buried under her pillow and she was snoring quietly. He managed a shaky smile at that; even when sleeping Selphie was cute.

On his other side, Irvine was also soundly sleeping. He couldn't help but note that the gunslinger wasn't wearing his hat; he'd often wondered if Irvine slept with his hat on or not.

Silently, Zell sat up and pulled his comforter firmly around him. He shivered silently as he contemplated the dream.

While Seifer had constantly insulted and ridiculed him, his abuse during their Garden years had never been physical. Unlike Squall, Zell never trained with or fought against Seifer. Seifer liked to fight with those who gave him a challenge and he'd made it clear on numerous occasions that 'chicken-wusses' weren't worthy opponents.

"Bastard," Zell muttered, clenching his teeth.

He didn't understand why he'd dream about being killed by Seifer. It wasn't as though he was sorry for defeating Seifer; he'd only done what he had to. He was a SeeD and SeeD's were trained to kill sorceresses and that included their Knights. Surely there was no way that he could possibly feel guilty about it...was there? Afterall, it was Seifer for God's sakes. Seifer, who had been nothing but cruel to him, so why the hell should he care?

Zell shifted, uncomfortable with the notion that he might actually feel guilt over his role in Seifer's current plight. He had done nothing wrong, Seifer had been the one to try and kill them. Possessed or not, it made no matter to Zell.

Still, he couldn't forget the chilly hatred that shone in eyes of the Seifer in his dream. Zell had to wonder if Seifer really did despise them. Things had gone so horribly wrong for Seifer that by the end, he wouldn't have been able to back out even if he'd wanted to. Everything had been taken away from him, by Edea and Ultimecia as well as by them. Seifer did have a right to hate him and that was another notion Zell found disturbing. Although he couldn't quite put his finger on why he did.

Laying back down into the cushy embrace of the mattress, he wrapped his blanket tighter around his cold body. Sleep eluded him for a long time as he stared up into the shadows, puzzling thoughts muddling his mind.


	3. Vacation Veneer

Chapter I : Vacation Veneer         

Zell leaned back against the plush maroon squabs, took a hearty drink of his Swirling Rainbow cocktail and sighed deeply. "Now this is the life," he proclaimed dramatically, allowing his eyes to fall shut. "No monsters, no magic and most importantly, no missions. If you ask me, this vacation is long overdue."

Selphie nodded as she bounced excitedly in her seat. "We're gonna have so much fun," she enthused, clasping her hands together. "All the rest and relaxation that we could ever want. This'll be a blast!" She turned her attention to the tall figure lounging beside her. "Right Irvine? Don't you think that this vacation's gonna be the best time ever?"

Violet eyes were soft as Irvine's gaze rested upon the energetic girl. "Yeah. Deling City's supposed to be wonderful this time of year."

Zell opened his eyes. "It's gonna be weird going back there," he remarked wistfully. "I haven't been back there since the parade."

"Only Squall and Rinoa have," Irvine replied, his mind roaming over his role in Edea's attempted assassination.   

Selphie looked back and forth at her two companions, noting the contemplative air that was beginning to stretch around them. She wrinkled her nose and attempted to lighten the mood. "Remember the sewers, Zell? It took us so long to find our way outta there." She cast animated eyes at Irvine as she related the events. "We would have been trapped down there if Quistis hadn't figured out how to get around. As it was, we were running around in circles and it stank down there! 

Zell perked up. "I remember that! Quistis was the one who found the secret passageway behind the statue in the first place. And then there were all those stupid Creeps and Red Bats down there and we sure beat the crap outta them. God, there were so many."

"Seriously." She tugged a lock of reddish colored hair between thin fingers. "It'll be fun to visit Deling City without having to worry about anything else. I don't want think about the past. We should just concentrate on having a great vacation."

Irvine stretched lean, long legs out in front of him and settled his hat to dip down over his eyes. "Sounds good to me," he responded languidly.

"Yeah, for sure," Zell agreed, pausing to take a sip of his vibrantly colored cocktail. "It's just too bad that Quisty and Squall and Rinoa couldn't come with us."

Selphie unwrapped her third Double Sugar Whirl and began to suck on the cloyingly sweet treat. "They can join us next time," she declared around the candy stick that was hanging out from her sticky lips. "You know how busy Squall is these days."

"Yeah I know, but still." Zell shrugged. "I'm kinda used to having them around, you know?"

Irvine chuckled softly from underneath the brim of his hat. "Poor Zelly," he murmured. "So needy and yet so alone."

Zell bristled, angry red heat spilling into his cheeks. "How many times have I told you not to call me that?" He scowled at the sniper, his hands fisting. "And dammit, I am _not_ needy!"

Following Time Compression, Irvine had taken Seifer's place as the great annoyance in Zell's life. True, Irvine was a thousand times more tolerable than Seifer had been but the fact of the matter remained that being teased and made the butt of every joke was hardly a cakewalk. The Galbadian gunman divided his time between flirting with girls in the hopes of making Selphie jealous, who still remained cheerfully oblivious, and taking out his frustrations on Zell in the form of insults and teasing. It was enough to drive Zell straight into lunacy. As it was, Rinoa had nagged Zell into joining Dr. Kadowaki's Anger Management class, yet another incident that Irvine took all opportunities to ridicule. Even levelheaded, mature Quistis found the idea of Zell in an anger management class absolutely hilarious. 

It was a travesty of justice, that's what it was.

"You know Zelly, when you get mad you look exactly like a Winhill tomato," Irvine noted casually. "What do you think Selphie?" 

The brunette rolled her eyes. "I think you guys are so lame." She bounded to her feet and headed towards the door. "I'll let you guys insult each other in peace. I'm gonna go outside and watch the view again." She shook her index finger at them sternly. "Just don't start anything that could get us into trouble!"

Zell glared at the Galbadian gunslinger as Selphie left their box. "You're such a fucking asshole, Kinneas." 

Irvine made a grand production of shaking his head and tsking. "You know Zelly, you really should watch that temper of yours. Take a deep breath and count to ten hundred. Otherwise all those classes will just end up a big waste of time and we can't have that, now can we? Dr. Kadowaki works all hard, you know. The last thing I'd want is for you to stress out while I sit around and do nothing."

"Oh shut up!" Zell snapped. His voice turned sulky. "Why do I hafta go to that stupid class, anyway? Damn Rinoa. I don't have a fucking anger problem, dammit!"

"Of course you don't," Irvine responded soothingly. "You just really need to get laid. But it's not your fault that chicks finds you unappealing." 

Zell grit his teeth, his angry voice smashing around their train box. "Just because I don't go around fornicating with anything in a bra doesn't mean I can't get a girl!" 

"Like that library chick?" Irvine mentioned pointedly. 

"It's not my fault Rayla transferred to Galbadia Garden!"

Irvine sighed theatrically. "Such drama."

Flashing azure eyes narrowed. "You know _Irvy_, for such an infamous lady's man you're doing a pretty shitty job."

One russet eyebrow arched coolly. "Meaning?"

"You know exactly what I mean, lone ranger! You're getting nowhere with Selphie and that's annoying the shit outta you, isn't it? So much for your so-called cowboy charms. Selphie's obviously smarter than you give her credit for." Zell leaned back and took a nonchalant sip from his cocktail. "But then again, why the hell would she wanna risk catching all your skanky STD's?"

Irvine's voice was relaxed but his eyes glittered with chilly malice. "Say whatever you want Zell, but if Selphie hears any of your shit, I will seriously shoot your big mouth off."

"Hey, don't you threaten me, asshole!" Zell scoffed. "As if the great cowboy loner is actually serious about-"

Selphie chose that moment to burst back into the room, a huge grin spilling across her face. "Hey guys, we're almost here," she announced, hurling herself back into her seat. "I heard some of the crew men say that we're only ten minutes away from Deling City! Isn't that awesome?" She ploughed on, not waiting for an answer as she glanced worriedly at both Zell and Irvine. "Hey, you guys are okay, right? You're not allowed to fight on vacations. We're SeeDs and SeeDs don't fight with each other!"

"We're fine Selphie," Irvine assured. He stared deliberately at Zell. "Aren't we?"

Zell smiled at his bubbly friend. "Don't worry Sefie, we're here to have a great time. You don't have to worry about us."

Selphie beamed brightly. "Great!"

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Ooohhh, this bathroom is huge!" Selphie's enthusiastic voice floated out from the bathroom of their opulent hotel room. "You guys have to come in and check it out!"

"I swear I'm never gonna get up," Zell announced and sighed in obvious pleasure. He was sprawled out on his back on one of the three extremely large, extremely soft, extremely comfortable beds that dominated their room. "These beds are something else!"

Irvine smirked down at him. "Enjoying yourself, there primate?"

"Say whatever you want man," Zell replied airily. "I'm too friggin' comfortable to care."

The angry tension between Zell and Irvine had drained away upon arriving in Deling City. The hustle and bustle of the busy city, coupled with memories, hadn't allowed for anymore frosty silences and glaring looks. Instead, they had slipped back into their familiar routine of bickering. Zell was glad for that. While he hated Irvine's constant badgering and insulting, he didn't actually dislike the cowboy. They were friends...in a weird sort of way and Zell didn't want to jeopardize that. 

"So who wants to come with me and check out the restaurant downstairs?" Selphie asked, coming out of the bathroom. "I'm so hungry."

"I'll come," Irvine volunteered. "Zell?"

Zell was starving but for some reason, the sight of Selphie standing next to Irvine made him pause. Despite his ridicule of Irvine's womanizing ways, Zell knew that the cowboy did sincerely care for Selphie, perhaps even love her. Now that some of Zell's memories of the time they had all spent together at the orphanage as children had returned, he remembered how close Irvine and Selphie had been. He also remembered how devastated Irvine been when Selphie had been adopted. They had been best friends then. And now, even though he'd die before admitting it to Irvine, Zell thought they made a cute couple.

"You guys go without me," he murmured, feigning a huge yawn. "I think I'll catch up on some sleep."

"Are you sure?" Selphie asked, peering down at him, hands on her hips . "We can bring you up something or order room service if you want."

"No, I'm fine," he assured her. "You guys have fun without me."

"Okay then," Selphie replied. She smiled at Irvine and grabbed his arm. "Let's go cowboy, it's time to start our vacation!"

Irvine glanced back over his shoulder at Zell as Selphie dragged him towards the door. He tipped his hat and smirked indolently.

Zell flipped him off.

The door snapped shut and Selphie's bubbly voice drifted down the hallway. Zell waited about five minutes before leaping off his bed. He was incredibly ravenous. Surely there was a decent restaurant in the near vicinity. Or even better then decent because, afterall, the Garden was paying for his vacation.

Whistling cheerfully, Zell set off. 

********************  
Author's Note  
*******************  
  


Hey guys!  
I think this fic is gonna end up to be really long, if I can scrounge up enough time to work on it. It'll eventually be Seifer/Zell with some Irvine/Selphie as secondary characters and Squall/Rinoa in the background. Yes I like Squall and Rinoa together, so tough luck. If you don't like yaoi (shame on you, crazy foo'!) or Irvine/Selphie than be gone, vile villain! *shoos with a broom...A Firebolt broom, no less* I mean business, go, mush, get thee to a nunnery!


	4. Reality's Myriad

Chapter IV : Reality's Myriad __

Zell awoke to a sun-splashed room, feeling a lot better. He sat up, yawned and stretched floridly. A quick look around revealed that Selphie and Irvine were no where to be seen. A note written on hotel stationary lay upon Selphie's neatly made bed. He bounced out of his blankets and snatched it up. Selphie's loopy script informed him that she and Irvine had gone out for a morning walk and couldn't bear to wake him because 'he looked so darn cute all cuddled up in his blankets'.

He rolled his eyes as he trudged towards the bathroom. "I get no respect around here," he complained, rubbing his eyes with his fists.

After finishing his shower, brushing his teeth and changing into his clothes, he settled down to do his morning stretches while watching 'The Wedge and Biggs Morning Special'. After quitting the army, the two ex-Galbadian soldiers had decided to start their own Talk Show and surprisingly enough, it was quite popular. Their guest today was the Card Queen's painter father and Zell watched with interest as the old guy talked about making a new Ellone card. 

"Squall'd prolly get that card first thing," Zell said, thinking back to the days when they'd all fight for Ellone's attentions.

He continued working through his morning training routine and watching Wedge and Biggs insult each other until he was interrupted by the phone's shrill ringing. Grabbing the phone, he plopped down onto his bed. "Hello?"

"Zell, it's Squall."

Inwardly Zell cursed luridly. He'd entirely forgotten about the last night's phone call and dammit, he didn't want to cut his vacation short! Putting on what he hoped to be a convincing feminine voice, he squeaked out in a high-pitched falsetto, "Sorry but this is the chambermaid. There's no Zell here."

There was a pause in which Zell held his breath and crossed his fingers. 

Squall's voice, when he finally spoke, was arid. "Just how stupid do you think I am?"

Zell sighed loudly. "Hey man, it was worth a try!"

"Zell..." Squall also sighed. "Whatever."

"I don't wanna hafta cut my vacation short!" Zell blurted out. "We haven't even been gone from Balamb for a day yet! I'm telling ya, it's not fair!"    

"Calm down," Squall ordered impatiently. "I'm not asking you guys to come home."

Hope flared swiftly. "You're not?"

"No."

Zell bounded off his bed and thrust a jubilant fist into the air. "ALRIGHT! Dude, I love you!"

There was another pause. "Zell if you ever say that again, I will be forced to kill you."            

"Oh sorry, Squall ol' buddy! Guess I just got carried away, eh?" He rubbed at the back of his head sheepishly. 

"Look, just...just shut up, Zell." 

"Shutting up, man!" He beamed, ecstatic that his vacation was still on.

"Good. The reason I'm calling is because I've got an assignment for you."

"A what?!" Zell groaned noisily. "Dude, I'm on vacation!"

"Believe me, I know," Squall muttered wryly. "Look, it's a simple combative mission. Since you're already in Deling City, it doesn't make sense to send over more SeeDs, especially since you guys are more than qualified." 

"Yeah we are, aren't we?" Zell couldn't help but preen, feeling better about the mission already. Combative tasks were right up his alley. "So what do we gotta do?"

"Cid and Matron are in Esthar right now with Dr. Odine and Ellone studying the effects of Time Compression. We know so far that monsters as well as humans were displaced during Time Compression, right?"

"Yeah." Zell bounced impatiently on his bed. "So what?"

"Well a little while ago they discovered that a massive concentration of Level Four and Level Five monsters had been relocated inside the Tomb of the Unknown King. Then last night Galbadia Garden contacted them with the news that a few days ago, a couple of cadets were taking their field exam inside the Tomb. They were prepared to face Blobras and Armadodos but ended up against a Ruby Dragon and were severely injured. Deling City's President heard about this and he's worried that these monsters might attack the city. You guys can definitely handle Ruby Dragons and whatever else is down there so I'm asking that you go check it out and then give me a full report on the situation. Sound okay?"

"HELL YA!" Zell bounded to his feet and punched the air excitedly. "There isn't gonna be any monsters left once I get through with 'em! I'll beat the shit outta 'em and send 'em back to wherever the hell they came from!"

"Yeah, good for you." Squall's voice was less than enthusiastic. "Just make sure to call me as soon as you get back, alright?"

"Sure thing!"

"And uh, be careful okay?"

Zell grinned widely. "Shucks, I love you too!"

Squall hung up on him.

Zell shook his head as he shoved on his Ehrgeiz gloves. Even if he and Rinoa had gotten together, Squall was still Squall. Some things just never changed. 

He turned off the TV and began to shadowbox while contemplating whether to wait for Selphie and Irvine.

"Aw fuck it," he muttered, scribbling down a quick note to Selphie and Irvine. "I waited a few seconds and they ain't here. I can handle this on my own." He had Doomtrain and Alexander and Quezacotl equipped, Death junctioned to his gloves and enough Ultima and Meteor stones to build a monument rivaling the Sorceress Memorial. "I'm more than prepared."

Zell rushed out of the hotel room and darted towards the elevator. Strangely enough, he couldn't wait to get to the Tomb and kick some ass. While political and social 'all-talk-no-action' type missions usually bored the crap out of him, he loved missions that involved a great deal of fighting. And it had been a long while since he'd had a good whoop-ass type mission. After defeating Ultimecia, most SeeD missions involved rebuilding and discussions and other assorted uninteresting work. But this little monster assessment was a job made for him.

He ate a quick breakfast at the hotel's restaurant before heading towards the car rental place. If he remembered correctly from last time, the Tomb was quite a distance away from Deling City. 

~*~*~*~*~*~__

"You're kinda quiet today," Irvine remarked, shooting a side glance at Selphie as they walked through the bustling shopping arcade. "You okay?"

Selphie smiled. "Yeah everything's fine. It's just a little early, that's all."     

Irvine frowned at the blatant lie and decided that he had to do something about it. When he had first awoken, Selphie had been sitting on her bed, hugging her knees, a lost, almost dejected look on her face. Seeing her so morose had startled him, to the point that he'd wondered whether he was dreaming or not. However, the moment she noticed he was awake, her face brightened and she begged him to go shopping with her.

She acted like everyone expected her to act, overly cheerful, peppy, almost ditzy. But she too had her masks and today he'd managed to glimpse beneath the surface. When she knew he was watching, she was all smiles and animated conversation. When he feigned looking away, her smile would disappear and a look of brooding concentration would appear. Something was bothering her and he was determined to find out what.

Firmly grabbing Selphie's arm, he steered her onto a quiet side street.

"Hey!" Selphie cried, forced to run in order to keep up with his long-legged stride. "What are you doing? Where are we going?"

He found a bench located under the shade of a blue-leafed Deling Maple and pulled her down beside him.

She looked around, blinked cutely. "Are we taking a moment to observe the scenery?"

Irvine let go of her hand. "You're a morning person," he told her, resting his elbow on the back of the iron-wrought bench. "Something's bothering you and it doesn't have anything to do with it being early. If you don't wanna talk about it then I understand but," he continued, seeing her about to protest. "I hope that you'll wanna talk about it." He looked straight into her eyes and couldn't help but wish that she'd believe him if he told her that her eyes were beautiful. "We're friends aren't we Selphie?"

"Of course we are. You were my first best friend." Her hands fell into her lap as she looked out onto the serene street. "I guess I feel kinda weird this morning," she confessed, poking the ground with her foot. "But you don't have to worry about me, honest. It's nothing bad or anything, I just had this really frigged up dream last night. It's been making me think, that's all."

He searched her face. "Just a dream?"

She nodded, her hair bouncing. "Uh huh. Don't worry about it, I'm fine. Seriously." 

"If you say so." He languidly moved closer towards her. "So what did you dream about?"

To his surprise, a delicate pink flush began to creep onto smooth cheeks. "It's nothing worth mentioning."

Irvine smirked at the feigned nonchalance in her voice. "Really? From the way you're blushing, I'd say it's definitely something worth mentioning."

Thin hands slapped over heated cheeks. "I don't know what you're talking about. It's just a dream for God's sake. Get over it."

Irvine had to forcibly quelsh the urge to kiss her senseless. Selphie looked absolutely adorable. Instead he leered at her. "It was a sex dream, wasn't it?"

"Gee what gave it away?" Selphie rolled her eyes. "You are such a damn pervert. Don't you think about anything besides sex?"

"The subject of guns also holds a great deal of fascination for me." He gave her a smoldering look. "I was in it, wasn't I?"

Blood was pouring steadily into her cheeks despite her mocking tone. "I see your modesty is still intact."

He ran his fingers lightly down her arm, wishing he could pull her onto his lap and kiss her for a few hours straight. "Were we naked?"

"Irvine!"

Both of them looked at each other oddly when Selphie's voice was joined by another voice. In unison, they both looked out onto the street where a leggy redhead clad in a skimpy tank top, short skirt and platform sandals was striding towards them.

Silently, Irvine swore.

"Irvine Kinneas! I knew it was you!" The redhead marched up to them, her blue eyes sparkling. "God, I've missed you! I still remember that night in Dollet..." She lowered her eyes coyly. "I've been hoping that I'd run into you so we could have another amazing night like our last one."

Irvine tried not to groan out loud. The stupid, he couldn't even remember her name, was wrecking his time with Selphie! At this rate, Selphie was never going to believe that he cared about her. 

Selphie coughed discreetly and squirmed uneasily in her seat.

The redhead looked over at Selphie, as if seeing her for the first time. "Oh, I didn't notice you there!" She smiled a mouth full of white teeth. "What a cute kid. Is she your younger sister, Irvine?"

"Yeah, that's me!" Selphie suddenly piped up before Irvine could reply. She bounced to her feet. "I was just leaving, you guys have fun, BYE!"   

"Sel-"

She waved at him, smiling brightly. "I'll see you back at the hotel!"

Irvine watched her dart away, his heart sinking.

"God, talk about obnoxiously perky." The redhead tossed some of her luxuriant hair over her shoulder before practically spilling herself onto his lap. "So what's new with you, cowboy?" she cooed, her leg suggestively touching his own.

Irvine glared. 


	5. Convergence in the Tomb

Chapter V : Convergence in the Tomb 

"Friggin' Iron Giants," Zell griped as he quickly healed himself with an Elixir.

He straightened as the pain in his body vanished. Inside the Deep Sea Research area, on the way to Ultima Weapon, they'd battled Iron Giants in pairs but today was the first time that Zell had ever had to battle _three _Iron Giants at once. Fortunately his compatibility with Doomtrain was at its max and the status altering GF had cast Sleep, Bio and Meltdown first thing. However, before he could kill them off, two of them had woken up and attacked him with their oversized swords. He'd forgotten how tough Iron Giants could be.

Sighing, he continued his journey through the dark chambers of the Tomb. So far he'd defeated one Chimera, one Hexadragon, three Iron Giants and two Behemoths. The Tomb was filled with loud roarings and growlings and he knew that he still had a long way to go before the Tomb was clear of all perilous creatures.  

He made it through the next couple of hallways with relative ease; encountering only one Blue Dragon who he quickly finished off being as he had Death junctioned as a Status Attack to his Ehrgeiz gloves. Cautiously, he approached the next four-way junction and was surprised to near a muffled voice coming from the left corridor. Zell blinked. He'd been able to hear dozens of Malboros laughing manically but this was the first human voice he'd come across. Perhaps there were more Galbadian cadets trapped in here?

He inched his way forward, straining to hear the voice. As he grew closer, he could make out a steady stream of curses. Throwing caution into the wind, Zell darted down the hallway. Someone needed his help!

The sight of the gigantic skeletal monster dominating the narrow hallway shocked him. The creature looked exactly like Abadon, the monster they'd fought in Great Salt Lake before entering Esthar City. He hadn't known that more monsters like Abadon existed. His eyes drifted to the blind figure frantically attempting to attack the creature with his gunblade.               

"Holy fuck," Zell uttered, completely taken aback.

It wasn't any Galbadia Garden cadet battling the pseudo-Abadon, it was Seifer.

Zell gawked, unsure what to think and what to do. What the hell was Seifer doing inside the Tomb of the Unknown King battling an Abadon look-alike?       

The dark corridor echoed with the beast's shrill growl as it swiped at Seifer with one powerful claw. Seifer fell to his knees, bleeding profusely and unable to do anything as the monster had cast both Blind and Silence upon him. 

That one powerful swipe propelled Zell into action. He remembered all too well how deadly Abadon's physical strikes had been. He jumped out from around the curve of the dank passage and into the creature's line of vision. Immediately, he cast Alexander's Recovery upon the undead beast. As it staggered backwards, griping in pain, Zell tossed an Elixir Seifer's way. One last use of the Recovery command killed the monster. It fell backwards into an untidy heap of rotting flesh before dissolving. 

Seifer, still on his knees, stared up at him and Zell was reminded of his dream. Only their positions had been reversed; Seifer had been the one looking down at him as he lay broken and bleeding, killed by Hyperion's quick blade. Zell quickly forced those thoughts from his mind. 

Time seemed to stand still as they stared at each other. It was suddenly all too quiet. His mouth opened of its own accord and without knowing what he was going to say, Zell began to blab. "You hafta use recovery magic on a monster like that 'cause it's dead, see what I mean? We fought one exactly like it in Esthar and that's what we hadda do. Use curative magic, that's the way to do it."

Seifer's eyes were dark, his face concealed in the shadows. "You healed me."

Zell scratched at the back of his head and couldn't think of a single intelligent thing to say. "Uh...yeah...I s'ppose..." 

There was another viscous silence, this one broken by the deranged laughter of a Malboro cackling in the distance. The moment was surreal.

"You should leave," Seifer said abruptly, standing up and flicking bloody goo from Hyperion's smooth blade. "It's dangerous here."

Zell blinked, unsure of whether to gape or bristle. Was Seifer actually *worried* about him or was he trying to say that he thought Zell incapable of fighting Level Four and Five monsters? 

The ex-Knight didn't bother to wait for a reply. He turned and disappeared around the bend, two words softly slipping from his mouth to linger in the soggy air behind him.

"Thank you."  

Zell did gape then. He hadn't heard Seifer say 'thank you' since the days at the orphanage where not saying 'please' and 'thank you' meant helping Matron file Centra Continental income taxes. 

Zell bounded around the corner and dashed up the curved corridor. "Hey wait!"

Seifer stopped in the middle of the next four-way junction, his back to Zell. He was silent.

Zell ran to catch up. "Where ya goin'?"    

Seifer stiffened and his voice was oddly flat. "Why, are you here to arrest me?" He turned around to face Zell. "The Garden finally demanding my blood?"

A slice of sunlight filtered through a crack on the ceiling and spilled onto Seifer's face. Zell struggled not to gawk. Once tanned and patrician-like cheeks were now hollowed and pallid. His mouth was an angry red slash, raw and chapped with some sort of nasty looking rash. Striking ocean-colored eyes had faded. The black trench coat hung on Seifer's thin frame, emphasizing his ashen complexion.

Zell spoke without thought, provoked by that uncharacteristically dull tone and altered appearance. "Edea'd never let that happen." He frowned. He hadn't felt this awkward since the first kiss he and Rayla shared. Half of him wanted to give Seifer ten kinds of what-for and maybe throw in an old fashioned, Balamb Garden SeeD style ass-kickin' but that would look pretty stupid since he'd just killed Seifer's monster and healed him. The other half of him wanted to hear Seifer admit that he really was looking to atone for his sins. He wanted to see for himself if Seifer had changed as much as his appearance.

"Is...is Matron alright?" There was hesitancy in Seifer's voice, another something Zell had never heard before.

In spite of himself, Zell was curious. "You remember Matron and the orphanage?"

"Yeah." A twisted sort of sigh escaped the older blond. "Time Compression brought on a lot of old shit."

"Oh." Zell recalled his own warped memories and shivered slightly. "Matron's fine. She's back at the Garden now with Headmaster Cid. Um..." He poked at the cracked asphalt with his sneaker. "So what are you doin' here anyways? If you're looking for the rumored GFs, forget it. Selphie took 'em ages ago."

"I don't need more GFs."

"More?" This was news to Zell. Seifer had never cast any GFs on them during battle. "You have GFs?"

Seifer caught Zell's gaze briefly before looking away. "You guys fought them all in Ultimecia's castle."

Azure eyes widened. "You're not talking about those...those eight monsters are you? Like Tiamut and Krysta and all those guys?" Zell shook his head in disbelief. "You got _them_ all junctioned? How? What for? But then why was that Abadon monster kicking your ass back there?"

Seifer snorted and for the moment looked remarkably like his old self. "Nice to see you haven't changed, chicken wuss."

Zell scowled at the old nickname but chose to ignore it for the time being. "Well? I thought those guys were goners."

"Weakened not killed." Seifer wiped a gloved hand over one sharp cheek wearily, as though their conversation was much too draining. "Ultimecia created those eight monsters to serve as her personal guardians and protect her castle. When you guys defeated her, they had no purpose left. So they came to serve me." His mouth curved sardonically. "Her Knight." 

"You could do some serious damage with all those guys," Zell said slowly, watching Seifer closely. If Seifer was up to anything shady then it was his job as a SeeD to put a stop to it. "They're really dangerous."

"My days of doing serious damage are over." Seifer shifted to lean against the stone wall. Hyperion drooped to kiss the ground, slack in its master's gloved hand. The older boy looked weary. "I'm tired now. I don't want to fight anymore. I've had enough."

Given the way Seifer was looking, Zell could almost believe it. "Why are you here then, if you don't wanna fight? This place is crawling with all kinds of dangerous monsters."

Seifer shrugged. "I have to make things right now. This place is good enough to start as any. Galbadia Garden sends tons of cadets here for field exams. They're not prepared for all the shit that's here now so I might as well try to clean things up."      

"How come you were in Deling City last night then?" Zell demanded suspiciously. "I saw you."

Seifer looked at him and Zell was struck again at how *hollow* the other boy's face was. He looked like a good breeze could finish him off. "I needed G-Returners and G-Hi Potions. They were all killed off. Ruby Dragons are a bitch."

"Eight GFs could really fuck you up," Zell remarked, scrutinizing Seifer. "Like seriously."

A wry smile slid onto bony features. "You mean more so? I'll take the chance."

Zell sighed. Seifer wasn't about to reveal anything to him. He tried a different approach. "So pretty much you live here."        

"Yeah. It's not like I'm welcome in a lot of places."

Zell wanted to tell him that it was his own fault, what the hell did he expect after gallivanting around the world in stupid Lunatic Pandora, cavorting with dangerous sorceresses but for some reason the words wouldn't come out. Maybe it was the too-thin face or the exhaustion that Seifer seemed to be *dripping*. It was damn near impossible to be tired after taking an Elixir, as Zell well knew, but maybe it was just that Seifer really was as tired as he claimed to be. That was possible, wasn't it? 

"Rinoa forgives you," he blurted out, unthinkingly.  

Seifer blinked at that, clearly startled. "What?"

Zell looked away, rubbing at the back of his head embarrassedly. Why did he always have to talk without thinking? What was he doing, telling Seifer all this? He was acting and going on like he actually forgave Seifer too. He was totally getting ahead of himself. He had no sure way of knowing if Seifer was sorry or not and it wasn't like Seifer's word meant a hell of a lot. He had to tread carefully and not be fooled by gaunt looks. He had to guard his...loose mouth. 

"Rinoa doesn't hate me?"

Zell hesitated and then decided that the damage was already done. "You know what she's like."

"That's..." Seifer trailed off, at a loss for words. He had never expected anyone to ever forgive him, least of all not Rinoa. He quickly changed the subject. "She's with Squall now?"

"Yeah. She's a World Politics instructor at the Garden." Zell shrugged. "Actually she's pretty good at it."

"I know." There was a pause. "What about Fujin and Raijin? Are...are they okay?"

"Yeah, they're fine. Fujin beats up anyone who talks shit about you. Raijin, well yeah, he's still the same. They're both SeeD's now."

"I knew they'd make it, " Seifer murmured, though it was a comment that was more to himself then to Zell.

Zell fidgeted as a silence grew between them. Seifer was staring off at a point beyond him, lost in memories that only he could see. Zell grew uncomfortable, feeling as though he was intruding on some personal moment or something. The quiet was disconcerting. 

He opened his mouth before he could think better of it. "Why'd you leave?"             

His question shook Seifer from his little reverie. Blue eyes blinked rapidly as they focused upon Zell. "What?" Seifer asked, looking as though he'd only just noticed that he wasn't alone.

"Nothing," Zell muttered, deciding that now was probably a good time to be on his way. He still had whole shitload of monsters to slay, not to mention the fact that a spaced out Seifer was just damn creepy. He didn't wanna hang around for any more of *that*. Who knew, he might even stumble across Seifer's lair and find a clue of what the ex-Knight was _really_ up to.

"Why are you here?" Seifer suddenly asked, gazing at him with lucid, almost old-Seifer eyes.

Zell hesitated, unsure of whether to answer the question or not. This was SeeD business and SeeD business certainly was not the business of Seifer Almasy.

"I see." Seifer's voice was soft, his eyes shuttered. Gloved fingers tightened around Hyperion's hilt and he turned to disappear down the left corridor, his black trench coat swirling around him.

The sunlight was a puddle where Seifer had stood and Zell was suddenly cold.


	6. Disfigured Insecurities

Chapter VI : Disfigured Insecurities

"Hey you, you want a psychic reading?" The dazed-looking, blue-haired boy thrust a pamphlet at her. "Mistress Rayza sees all and knows all. She can give advice on everything, including the delicate matters of the heart. You look like you're having love troubles."

Selphie smothered down the urge to snort. "No thanks," she said firmly and kept on walking.

Delicate matters of the heart. Hmph. What crap. Her heart wasn't delicate it was just really retarded. It must have been damn obvious if a stunned character like that boy could tell that she was having love troubles. Well not *love* troubles, she didn't love anyone. It was just that stupid dream planting stupid ideas in her stupid head.

"Like I can help what I dream," she muttered under her breath crossly.

Irvine had been right. She had dreamed about him last night and it had been racy. She had never had a raunchy, Irvine dream before and her own response in the dream had shocked her. She had been so...willing. 

It would be the height of idiocy to feel anything other than friendship for the gunslinger. All girls found him irresistible and he couldn't help being charming and flirtatious. That was who he was and obviously his past was littered with more gorgeous girls like the Dollet redhead. He may have been a lone cowboy but physically he was never alone. 

It wasn't something she could compete with and she had found that out early. Irvine and her made no sense together. It was that simple and for all of Irvine's flirty ways and innuendos towards her, she would never accept. She knew that but her dream last night was slowly unraveling all her former convictions. 

It had been something else, that dream.

Glancing around to make sure the area of free of children, Selphie began to curse. Damn Irvine and his flirty ways, damn that redhead for thinking that she was Irvine's kid sister and damn her stupid subconscious for betraying her with a naughty Irvine dream. It was all so pathetic that she could have laughed. Or cried. Or whacked herself on the head really hard. 

"I'm being retarded," she mumbled and decided then that she wasn't going to let a meaningless dream ruin her vacation. She could have plenty of fun without Irvine. If he wanted to cavort with the ladies then who was she to stand in his way?

A little distance away, she found a bus stop. She stood next to the uniformed guard and waited for the bus that would take her back to the hotel. She hadn't realized how far her and Irvine had walked. But that was okay. Zell was probably bored out of his mind and he would surely welcome the opportunity to go exploring with her. 

A few more minutes passed before her bus came along. She hopped on, paid and then was surprised to see a familiar figure sitting near the rear exit. Dressed casually in olive-green cargo pants, a grey long-sleeved T-shirt with a black T-shirt over it, was Fujin, deeply engrossed in the latest issue of Occult Fan magazine.

"Fujin?"

A lone crimson eye turned to her and widened slightly in surprise. "SELPHIE."

Selphie grinned as she slid into the seat next to the silver-haired girl. "What are you doing here? On a mission?" 

Jagged locks brushed against pale skin as she shook her head. "VACATION."

"Seriously? I didn't know that." Selphie leaned back in her seat. "You should have come with us then. Irvine, Zell and I took the train last night. We're off too and I'm so glad. This vacation is totally belated."

A slight curve touched her lips as Fujin gave a small smile. "AGREED."

"Are you here alone?"             

Fujin nodded as she closed her magazine.

"You should hang with us then!" Selphie wrinkled her nose. "If you can stand Irvine flirting with you, that is. He's always going on about what a rare beauty you are." She grinned. "Not that I'm disagreeing but to him every girl's a rare beauty."

Fujin snorted and then gave her a searching look. "OKAY?"

"Yeah, I'm on vacation!" She beamed, hiding from that inquisitive, all-knowing scarlet gaze with deliberate obtuseness. Quickly she changed the topic. "So what are you gonna be up to?"

Fujin hesitated for a moment before speaking. "FIND SEIFER."

Selphie blinked at that, startled though she shouldn't have been. "Here? I can't really see him coming back to Deling City."

"FEELING." Fujin turned to look out the window and when she spoke again, her voice was much softer. "SOMETHING. INEXPLICABLE."

"Well, if you need any help I'm here," Selphie offered. "I won't tell anyone."

Fujin's gaze flew back to her. "JOKING?"

Selphie shook her head. "I wouldn't joke about that. Besides everyone deserves a second chance. I really don't think Seifer's a bad person. Things just...just went wrong I guess. I mean he definitely did bad things but he wouldn't have if it hadn't been for Ultimecia. I don't hold anything against him anymore." 

To Selphie's great surprise, Fujin reached out and squeezed her hand briefly. "KIND."

Fujin's hand was ice cold but Selphie returned the gesture. She has always liked Fujin. "I'm heading back to the hotel now. Zell's there and I figured we could go exploring since Irvine's found an old lady friend." She rolled her eyes. "Why don't you come with us? You're staying in the Galbadian Hotel right?"

Another nod. "BUT BUSY."

"Oh. Well we're staying in Room 819. You should visit us so we can all hang out. What's your room number?"      

"703." Fujin managed another tiny smile. "WILL. PROMISE."

"Cool!" Selphie bounced slightly in her seat. "We never really get to hang out so this is gonna be fun!"

There were a few more moments of idle chat, or as much of a chat that one could have when talking to Fujin and then the hotel loomed into view. Waving, Selphie vaulted off the bus and bounded into the hotel. Once inside their room, she found it empty with only a note resting upon her bed. She snatched it up and glanced through the contents.

An assignment inside the Tomb of the Unknown King. 

Scanning her junctions and magic stock, she carefully took out Strange Vision. Pain was junctioned to her weapon and she was well equipped with Cactaur and Ifrit and Brothers. She and Zell would be able to seriously kick some bestial ass.

In any case, it was way better then brooding over Irvine and that retarded dream. 

Selphie left the hotel room. 

~*~*~*~*~*~__

Seifer leaned against the damp, splintered wall, careful not to step into the shallow path of water that flanked the sides of the narrow corridor. He closed his eyes and struggled to regulate his breathing. It had been an enormous exertion on his part not to let Zell see how badly the fight had drained him. Even after being healed, he was still worn out. Physically he was shattered and it was only sheer willpower that was driving him.

His determination had always been much too fierce, too reckless. It was what left him as broken as he was now. 

_I only wanted to be someone_

He shut out the voice with a swift ease that had been well practiced. That little voice would bubble up at the most inopportune moments, trying to rationalize and justify his behavior. That was something that he couldn't allow. If he were able to justify his actions, to make what he had done *_right_*, then it would be all too easy for him to fall into his old overconfident and proud ways. It was the simple path to blame Ultimecia but he knew better. His mind had always been weak and that was no one's fault but his own. 

It all came down to the fact that he wasn't a decent person. He had been so unsteady and insecure; a closet neurotic who wanted frantically to be a Hero. He had cared more about himself and his worthless dreams than he had about innocent civilians, about the whole world. Instead of ending what he had started and rebelling against Ultimecia, he had continued with his downfall because he lacked the courage to stop and do what was right. He wronged the world and now he had to repay his debts. It was no more than what he deserved.

That was why he had left Fujin and Raijin. They made it easy to blame Ultimecia and to validate his transgressions. They were too faithful to him and the time for their absolute trust had passed. It would have been selfish to stay with them because they had already sacrificed enough for him. Without him to tarnish them further, they would be able to reenter the Garden and complete their training. And now they were SeeDs, something that they both deserved.

Afterall, atonement was a solo undertaking.  

A thick growl reverberated in the distance, reminding him that stopping for even a moment was hazardous. He had to get back to the center of the Tomb and heal all his GFs. His two functioning GFs, Catoblepas and Tri-Point, had been killed off by that undead monster and so he was pretty much defenseless since his supply of magic was pathetically sparse. 

He owed Zell for this. If the hyper blond hadn't decided to come along then he'd probably be nothing more than a lump of carrion flesh. He had never been anything but nasty and malicious to Zell and now the younger boy repaid him by saving his life and telling him that Rinoa forgave him. 

"Fuck, " Seifer whispered, forcing himself to move onward.

He was prepared for hatred and revulsion. That was expected and what he had earned. He wasn't fit to be saved, not anymore. Once he made amends, he would end it. There was nothing left in him now. He was empty and everything had been figured out ages ago.

Mercy and forgiveness weren't in his plans. There was no place for it, not where he was concerned. But now that he had it, now that Zell had shown him a kindness he didn't merit, what was he supposed to do?

If he tried, he could understand Rinoa. She had loved him and she knew what it was like to have Ultimecia shrieking behind her eyes. In return, Rinoa had been special to him and he had treated her with a reverence that astonishment even himself. She had understood him and loved him in a way that no one else had ever done. At that time, he would have done anything for her and she knew it.

Her compassion was understandable. Zell's was not.

Surely Zell didn't pity him. It couldn't be a question of conscience, not after everything he had done to the younger boy. Day in and day out, both in the orphanage and in the Garden, he had picked on and tormented and insulted Zell. He had done rotten things and blamed them on Zell. He had disabused his position on the Disciplinary Committee to persecute Zell for insignificant slights. He had despised and secretly envied the other boy for the effortless way he made friends. Zell was easy-going and everyone liked him. He was caring and kind and a good friend. Everyone knew that, just as everyone knew that Seifer was a tough-ass bully with a cruel streak.

A sigh escaped him as he trudged towards the King's Tomb. 

He had to apologize to Zell. He should have done so right away but seeing a familiar face in his place of refuge had shocked him. Squall or Quistis, he would have expected but not Zell. Though if Zell wasn't in the Tomb to apprehend him, which made sense because no one knew that he was here in the first place, then he was most likely here on some type of SeeD monster-eradication mission. 

Zell probably made a good SeeD. He was tough and when he fought, it was like lightening in motion. It was impressive to watch Zell in battle. He would have to tell Zell that too because now he couldn't hide behind false pride anymore. Pride was a pointless baggage to a disgraced, ex-Knight.

Rubbing at his eyes wearily, he stepped into the next four-way junction and paused. Dominating most of the landing was a surly looking, gigantic male Malboro. It laughed its horrendous laugh and as he attempted to slip back the way he had come unnoticed, Bad Breath descended and the familiar waves of Sleep magic washed over him.  


	7. Uncertain Memory

Chapter VII : Uncertain Memory 

_The rain was a screeching torrent, banging upon the windowpanes and wailing against the stone walls. Another crack of thunder and lightening sliced through the blackened sky, twisting with the yells and shouts of children. The night was noisy._

_Edea hurried into the room, her arms laden with a stack of extra blankets, and surveyed the scene. _

_Both Squall and Zell were in Ellone's bed, cuddled up on either side of the older girl. A wriggling lump of blankets on Irvine's bed told her that he and Selphie were braving out the storm together. Quistis, standing on top of her bed, was busy informing everyone in a loud, bossy voice that there was nothing to be afraid of._

_"We're inside," she announced, her hands on her hips. "Nothing can happen *here*. It's only a silly storm. You guys are being such babies. Only *babies* afraid of a little *rain*."_

_"But it's scaaaaaaaarrrrrryyyyyyyyyy," came Selphie's little voice from beneath the blankets. "Monsters are gonna come out and they'll eat us all up!"_

_Seifer was the only quiet child. He was sitting up in his bed trying to look bored but Edea could see the fear in his eyes. As another bark of thunder sounded, the child flinched. _

_"Monsters?" Zell shrieked. "Nobody said anything about monsters! I don't like monsters!"_

_Squall tugged on the sleeve of Ellone's nightgown. "Are there storm monsters out there Sis?" he asked worriedly._

_"There are no monsters outside," Edea informed the room, tucking another blanket around the trio. "And," she continued, seeing a babble of protests rising up, "on the off chance anything *should* try to sneak in, I can handle it." She kissed each child before moving on._

_"'Cause you're an expert monster slayer, right Matron?" Ellone patted Zell on the head and put her arm around Squall. "I don't think we gotta worry at all."_

_"Exactly." She folded a second comforter around Irvine and Selphie before lifting the edge to peer underneath. "And I don't want you two reading under here. It's bad for your eyes, alright?"_

_Two pairs of bright eyes gazed back at her. "Yes Matron," they both chorused solemnly._

_She nodded before dropping the blanket, smiling inwardly at their squeals. "Quistis darling, into bed now."_

_The blond girl obediently slid under her covers. Edea tucked her in before kissing her forehead. _

_"Goodnight Matron," Quistis murmured, closing her eyes. _

_"Goodnight Quistis."_

_Edea approached Seifer and sat down on the edge of his bed. He was frightened but she knew that he would never admit it. The boy hated being scared, just as he hated asking for help. She was going to have to be tricky with this one. "You know thunderstorms scare me too?"_

_Blue eyes widened._

_"You're scared too?!" Irvine cried, his voice muffled. "Since when?"       _

_"But it's *outside*," Quistis proclaimed, exasperation marking her voice._

_Edea kept her eyes on Seifer. "It's going to be very hard for me to sleep alone since Cid isn't here. Perhaps you could sleep with me tonight, Seifer? I know that you don't fear easily."_

_"Hey no fair!" Zell shouted from Ellone's bed. "How come you didn't ask me? I could sleep with you and I'd be real good at it!"_

_Seifer was back in his element. "No you wouldn't!. You'd just be a big crybaby and Matron wouldn't get no sleep with you whinin' and screamin' like a girl!"_

_"I don't scream like a girl!"_

_Selphie poked her head out of the blankets. "What's wrong with screaming like a girl? I can scream real good!" _

_"Yeah, that's true," came Irvine's voice._

_"But you're with me, Zell," Ellone soothed. "I can tell you and Squall a story before we go to sleep."      _

_Edea smiled gratefully at the oldest child. "You can sleep with me tomorrow, Zell."_

_"Matron, is Sis allowed to tell a story?" Quistis asked. "I don't wanna get in trouble."_

_"One story is allowed and then I want all of you to go to sleep. By morning time the storm will be over."_

_After a barrage of 'Goodnight Matron', she and Seifer left the room._

_"Good thing you picked me Matron," the boy declared. "I'm not scared of nothing!"_

_Edea entered her room and closed the door behind them. "There nothing wrong with being scared Seifer." She sat down on the edge of her bed and patted the spot beside her. "If someone is scared, that doesn't make them a baby."_

_Seifer climbed onto the bed and gave her a doubtful look. "Zell and Selphie are scared of everything and they're babies."_

_"They're both very young still, darling." She tucked a thick strand of hair behinds her ears. "But there are things that I'm afraid of and I'm not a baby."_

_"That's why I'm here," Seifer boasted. "I'll save you, Matron. You don't never hafta be afraid when I'm around!"_

_Edea smiled and was unable to resist the urge to ruffle smooth hair. "You can be my Knight then."_

_"A night? What's that?"_

_"A Knight is someone who is very brave and strong and kind," she explained. "They protect innocent people and fight for the Lady they love. All Sorceresses need a Knight."_

_"Yeah, that's what I'll be!" Seifer bounced enthusiastically, dueling with an imaginary opponent.  "I'm brave and strong! I'll be your Knight Matron and I'll be real good at it!"_

_Edea gently ushered the boy into the blankets. "And kind," she murmured, kissing his forehead. "Knights must also be kind."_

_"Yeah, that too." _

~*~*~*~*~*~__

He didn't know what it was but he did know that it was thick. Thick and inky, weighing down upon him like soggy clothing. It seemed as though he had always been enveloped in this murky thickness, living in something vile. What could it possibly be? It was staining him raw.

And now...now there was something else...

_He was unkind_

There were that now, a litany in his mind that was unending and grating. The words suffocated him, snaking into his lungs and laughing at him. Their ridicule was a shroud and he felt panic.

It was a struggle to clear it, to stop being in thickness. The thickness was a part of him and the ridicule was expected. This panic though, it was not.

"Seifer?"

Another voice.

An oddly familiar voice that was tinged with just a bit of worry. But...who was there who would worry about him?

"Seifer? Seifer come on, wake up!"

Hands were touching him, slipping though the thickness to grip his arms. Cool fingers skimmed his cheek.              

"Dammit..."

A stinging pain erupted into the left side of his face and it was enough for his eyes to plow open. "Unkind," he gasped.

"What?"

Green eyes filled his vision, perky brown hair nearly touching his nose. It was a familiar face, one he had grown up with. The nickname came out unconsciously. "Sefie..."

"The one and only." She sat back and smiled at him. "It's been a while, huh? Sorry about the slap but nothing else I tried worked."

"What...what are..." he trailed off, clenching his eyes shut. Why was Selphie smiling?

"A Malboro knocked you out," she informed him. "But don't worry, he's a goner now."

Seifer was confused and still disoriented. "It was a big one," he muttered, seeking purchase so he could push himself into a sitting position. 

"I could handle it," Selphie replied cheerfully. Her arms slipped beneath his shoulders and for one who was so skinny, she was surprisingly strong. She pulled him into a sitting position with relative ease. "The trick is to Draw and Cast Demi. They're weak against Demi." She peered at him worriedly. "Are you okay?"

"Why?" He scrubbed a hand over his face resignedly, unable to understand her concern. "Shouldn't you hate me or something?"

She blinked. "Do you want me to?"

"Does it matter?" he countered, not meeting her gaze. He wanted to stand up and leave but didn't know if he could do it without falling. He felt incredibly sleepy and dizzy. "I'm not gonna get in your way."

"Seifer." Her hand touched his arm. "I don't hate you." 

"Why not?" He hadn't been touched by another person in over six months and the fleeting touch was strange. He felt more confused than he'd been in a long time. "What's the point of being noble and shit?"

Selphie sighed. "We used to know each other as kids, you know that?"

He closed his eyes briefly. "I remember."

A faraway look dipped into verdant eyes. "I remember that my favorite toy was this stuffed Tonberry King. I don't remember who gave it to me but I came to the orphanage with it. I loved it so much and I'd drag it around all over the place. It got to be the rattiest thing around." Selphie laughed softly. "And then one day I left it at the beach. I didn't remember it until bedtime because I'd never slept without it. I made Matron go down to look for it but the tide took it away. It was the saddest thing to ever happen to me. I stopped smiling and playing and no one could cheer me up. But then, a couple weeks later, I went into my room to find a brand new Tonberry King sitting on my bed." 

Seifer waited for her to continue but she showed no signs of doing so. He shrugged. "So you got a new one. I don't see what-"            

"Don't you remember who gave it to me?" she interrupted, looking at him expectantly.

He frowned at her pointless question. "Matron probably. But why-"         

"Seifer, _you_ gave it to me."

He blinked at that declaration. He had no recollection of ever giving Selphie anything. "What? That sounds like something Irvine would do, not me."

"Oh you never said anything," Selphie replied, brushing her bangs from her eyes. "And even if I'd asked you, you wouldn't have admitted it. Still, I _knew_ it. If it had been Irvine or Zell or Quistis they would've told me and if it had been Squall then he would have told Sis but it wasn't him because I asked her. I knew it wasn't Matron because she'd been really worried when I showed her the new Tonberry King and she checked it for hidden magic and everything."

"Yeah well..." Seifer trailed off awkwardly. He didn't know how to react so he went on the offensive. "Okay, say I did do it. So what? Why are you bringing all this up now? I don't see the point."

"I don't think you're a bad person Seifer," she said kindly. "That's the point."           

Icy chills ran up his spine and his stomach clenched. How was he supposed to respond to that?

"Not everything was Ultimecia's fault just as not everything was your fault," she continued, unaware of the reaction her gentle words were igniting.  "You're not a killer and we all know that." 

"You..." He swallowed thickly. "...are wrong."

One fine brow arched in question. "Am I?"               

She wasn't making any sense. "What do you want from me?"

"You look so sad," she responded simply.               

Staring at her in utter bewilderment, Seifer realized that she was completely serious. He laughed, a short, bitter sound that was as ugly as he felt. "Yeah well, when you fuck-up as royally as I did, there isn't a lot of time for celebrations and shit."

"I didn't mean-"

"I can still hear her you know," he continued, as though Selphie hadn't spoken. It seemed important to drive her away. Her compassion, like Zell's, was something he neither understood nor merited. "Every now and then, I'll hear her behind my eyes. I'll think that she's gone for good and then her voice comes back to me. Half the time I don't know if it really _is_ her or if I'm just fucked up in ways I don't know about. And then I think that it doesn't matter either way." 

There was alarm in Selphie's bright eyes and it sickened him to see it. "Seifer, that's definitely not right. If you're hearing Ultimecia again then we should go see Matron right aw-"

"No!"

They were both startled at the vehemence in his voice but he was unable to help himself.

"Seifer you've got-"  

The rest of her words were drowned out by the cry of a Blue Dragon roaring in the distance.

"I have to go," he told her in as final a tone as he could manage. "It's dangerous here and I'm un-junctioned."

She frowned but didn't push the issue. "At least think about what I've said."

He grasped Hyperion and managed to stand up. "There isn't anything to think about."

She also stood. "If she really _is_ still with you then you need to see someone. It's dangerous to have her like that!"

"Or I'll just die and she'll die with me."

Green eyes grew huge. "What are you-"

He didn't wait for her pity. Looking at her one last time he asked from her a favor. "When you see Zell, will you apologize to him for him? In the past, I really fucked with and for that I want to apologize." 

She nodded mechanically, staring at him with her lips parted in surprise.

He started back towards the center of the Tomb and to his relief, Selphie didn't try to follow. 

~*~*~*~*~*~__

Zell wiped Hexadragon blood from his gloves and made a face. "Aw man, gross me out."

"Zeeee~lllll!" 

Looking up, he was surprised to see Selphie sprinting down the hallway, beaming and waving like a manic. "Here you are! I was beginning to think that you already left 'cause I couldn't find you anywhere!"

"What're you doin' here?" he demanded. "And where's Irvine at?"

"Oh you know Irvine," Selphie replied, waving her hand in dismissal. "But I got your note and decided to come help you out. And," her voice lowered conspiratorially. "You'll _never _believe who I saw and what he told me!"

Zell's eyes widened and he unconsciously dropped his tone to match hers. "You _saw_ him again?!"

Selphie nodded earnestly. "Yeah I did! Did you?"

"No but I wanted to!"

"You did?!" Selphie looked amazed for a moment before suddenly frowning. "But if you didn't see him then how did you know he was here?"

Zell frowned back after giving her a weird look. "We saw him last time we were here, remember? We beat Brothers and then he gave us the Minotaur card."

Selphie tugged at the ends of her hair in bewilderment. "Um...who are you talking about exactly?"

"That Unknown King guy!" Zell shook his head incredulously. "You don't remember him? Man, he was one cool dude! I was hoping to get another rare card if-OWW! What're you hitting me for?!"

"I'm not talking about that stupid King you retard, I'm talking about Seifer!"

"Oh him." Zell rubbed at his arm and scowled. He did _not_ want to talk about Seifer. Their conversation together had left him feeling uncertain and confused. He didn't want to be uncertain and confused where Seifer was concerned. He just wanted to despise the older blond like he always had. "There's no need to get physical."

"You are _sooooo_ dense." 

"How was I supposed to know that you saw him too?" Zell grumbled, examining his arm. Selphie didn't look it but she could really pack one helluva punch. "I hope you're happy now. That really _hurt_."

"_Zell_."

"What?" He looked up from his arm to see Selphie with her hands on her hips, giving him _that_ look. He resisted the impulse to groan. 

"Well?" she demanded, tapping her foot.

"Well what?"

"Aren't you gonna tell me what you _think_?"

God the girl was on crack. "About what?"

"About Seifer!" Selphie shrieked, her voice echoing around the stony passage. "We haven't seen the guy for ages and all you can think about is getting free cards from the Unknown King!"

"Hey, I _like_ getting free cards!" Zell retorted indignantly. "They're _free _and that's the whole point! Besides, I don't see what the point of all your psycho-babble is anyways."

Selphie rolled her eyes. "You don't even know what psycho-babble is."

"It's when psychos like you babble," Zell informed her. "Look, so we saw Seifer, big fat deal. What's to talk about?"

"You're not even concerned?" Selphie looked appalled. "He's one of _us_ Zell. He's one of the orphanage gang!"

A Toroma's thick growl came from nearby. Zell grabbed Selphie's arm and ushered her back up the passageway. "We should get outta here."

As they approached the next four-way landing, Zell glanced over at his companion. "The only thing I'm concerned about is keeping an eye on him. If he tries anything shady I'll be on his ass so fast his grandfather will feel it!"

Selphie gave him a weird look. "Yeah, whatever that means." She stepped carefully around a pile of Turtapod remains. "You can't seriously tell me that you think Seifer's gonna do something bad. Didn't you see the way he looked?"

"Well yeahbut-"

"And didn't he talk to you?" Selphie persisted. 

"Yeah-"

"And you don't think he sounded different?"

"Of course he sounded different Sefie," Zell replied testily. "He thought I was there to arrest him."

"He's changed Zell," Selphie insisted. "I'm serious here. I talked to him for a while and he's different. Didn't you notice-"

Zell sighed loudly. When her mind warranted, Selphie could be exceptionally stubborn. "Alright, he's changed, I noticed it too. He's all tired and like...I dunno...kinda weird now. But that doesn't mean I gotta _trust_ him."

"He still hears Ultimecia you know."

"He does?!"

Selphie nodded. "I told him he should go see Matron but he refused. He said that when he dies she'll die with him. I think he's suicidal, Zell."

Zell frowned as he thought about Seifer's words. "He's here in the Tomb to clean up all the monsters," he told Selphie slowly. "He told me that he's gotta repay for his sins. But after that, who knows."

Selphie caught his gaze. "He wanted me to apologize to you."

Zell stumbled over an uneven bit of stone and would have fallen if Selphie hadn't grabbed his arm. "_What_?"

"He told me he wanted to apologize to you for all the nasty things he did to you. _Wanted_," Selphie emphasized, "not needed or had to. I'm pretty sure there's a difference."

A funny, indescribable feeling puddled into Zell's stomach. "So what do we do now?" he wondered quietly.

Selphie shrugged. "Damned if I know."


	8. Inner Contamination

Chapter VIII : Inner Contamination 

Despite the fact that Deling City's Clock Tower made an impressive picture, staring at it for more than twenty minutes was enough to dull the sight. Throw in a bench that was about as comfortable as a talking rock and you got one unhappy girl.

"BLAH," Fujin grumbled, raking a hand through jagged, pewter-colored locks.

A passing skater boy gave her an odd look so she flipped him off. 

She was _not _in the mood to take shit from _anyone_. So far she'd been wandering around Deling City ever since her bus ride with Selphie, which had happened over two hours ago, with nothing to show for her efforts other than a sharply-increasing temper. There was no sign or no word about Seifer. Granted, it wasn't easy trying to eavesdrop on people's casual conversation. Everyone she'd lingered around had immediately stopped talking and had given her weird looks. Why, she couldn't imagine.

The more she thought about it, the more she realized how foolish her she was being. Back in Balamb she'd had a hunch that Seifer was in Deling City. So now that she was on vacation, she's jumped here at the first available opportunity. It was obviously a stupid and reckless move because what the hell had she expected, that Seifer to be waiting for her at the damn train station? 

"DUMBASS," she berated herself. 

Still, stupid as it was, she wouldn't have done anything different. Her hunch wasn't something she could help and in the past, her gut feelings had never been wrong. She'd followed her instincts blindly but now what? It seemed that the trail had fizzled out. She couldn't very well go about asking people if they'd seen Seifer. As though _that _wouldn't look suspicious. What else was there to do, knock on all doors and see if Seifer came out?

On the other hand, she was a SeeD and SeeDs did have access to certain information...which would be completely useless given the fact that no one had seen hide of hair of Seifer for these past six months.   
  
  


She sighed loudly.

There had to be something she could do. Even though it was pointless, she probably should walk around again and see if her intuition led her somewhere interesting _this_ time. In any case, it had to be better then sitting around and staring at the stupid Clock Tower.   
  
  


Standing up, she glanced around, testing the waters so to speak. All directions felt pretty much the same. 

She sighed again and headed off.   
  
  


She had to find Seifer and _soon_. 

It wasn't a question of merely wanting to see him; there was more than that. That something was wrong had been her first gut feeling. Seifer was in trouble. She didn't know how or why but she wasn't about to sit around and do nothing. He needed her and that was all that mattered.   
  
  


Fujin would have done anything for Seifer. It was that simple. Her loyalty was nearly impossible to gain but once gained, it was also impossible to break. Seifer had long ago gained her trust and that wasn't something that could be broken. It had cost a lot to leave his side on board Lunatic Pandora and she wasn't sure that she forgave herself for doing it. Seifer had been wrong then, had been wrong all along, but _still_. He was her Seifer, her posse and he had no one other then her and Raijin.   
  
  


It wasn't long before she found herself in the Shopping District.   
  
  


She scowled as a floozy of high-pitched, giggling teenyboppers shoved past her, heading for a nearby bippy clothing store that dealt in pink, sparkly clothes. Why were so many girls such idiots? They reminded her of Rinoa, only worse. 

Fujin did not like Rinoa. 

The girl was annoying and she had no military experience. She'd ditched Seifer and moved on to Squall in a heartbeat. Even her dumb dog had more loyalty than that. She'd wormed her way into Balamb Garden because she was fucking Squall and her dad was General Caraway.   
  
  


Fujin abruptly stopped in her tracks, provoking the elderly lady behind her to curse and shake her fist.   
  
  


General Caraway! Why hadn't she thought of him in the first place? All she had to say was that she was a friend of Rinoa and the old guy would be in her court. If there was any information about Seifer, the General would know about, or at the very least help her find _something_ out. It was nearly a guarantee that he wouldn't do anything about Seifer, not with Rinoa having such a soft spot for him.   
  
  


Dashing across the street, Fujin headed for the hotel. A quick communication to Rinoa would ensure the General's cooperation. And if he couldn't help her well...   
  
  


Nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

_The room was unfamiliar though the position was not. He knew better then to rise for she was here. Her presence dripped from the air and clung to his skin. It was acid and it was reflection. Even though overcome, she was still more than he was able to endure.   
  
  
_

_Sharp footsteps clinked upon the dusty tiles, ornate material swirling around her.   
  
  
_

_"**My poor child.**" What should have been an endearment was a cruel mockery. "**You are stained, are you not? All alone, shamed and broken.**"   
  
  
_

_The reverberating words were metallic and scraped against his intellect. She swam in him, smothering his cranium as much as cerebrospinal fluid.   
  
  
_

_"**Weakness enslaves you. You live like the very beasts you slay.**" She paused, watching him with bristled eyes like shifted like the skin of a spider. "**Your mind festers. You splinter apart and your voice cannot be heard.**" Her hand touched his head, lengthy nails sliding into his hair.   
  
  
_

_The feel of her was rancid.   
  
  
_

_He jerked away sharply. "You enslave me!"   
  
  
_

_Laughter slipped from painted lips. "**Is this what you believe? That *I* enslave *you*? You believe that you have changed but your arrogance has not.**" Shadowed eyes grew hard. "**What use have I for a failure such as you? You could not do as I had bid and so I shall bid you no more. It would have done to** **take Leonhart as my Knight then to be riddled with your incompetence. And you believe that I would make you my Knight once more? You who** **are capable of nothing? This is your arrogance, my child. You remain unchanged.**"   
  
  
_

_Even here, kneeling at Ultimecia's feet, he remained second to Squall. In other worlds and beyond time and within his mind, he was not worthy enough to fulfill his dream. He really hadn't changed.   
  
  
_

_"**Shall I tell you the truth, my child?**" She lifted his chin with iced, shredding fingers. The aura of her power squeezed into his very pores, squirming and expanding until he was occupied with her presence. Pain ruptured into his veins and he was powerless before her. Again, this too was unchanged. "**You bind me to** **you. You cannot let me go for without me, you have no one to blame.**"   
  
  
_

_He shuddered, sensing that his mind was beginning overflow. "I'm through with your lies. I won't-"   
  
  
_

_"**Lies?**" Her hold upon him tightened. "**I exist only in your mind and there is no incentive for me to stay. What reason have I to lie? You failed me once before and** **it drives you. This is the truth, you open yourself for me. Look inside, my child, Seifer Almasy and tell me what you see.**"   
  
  
_

_He looked.   
  
  
_

_The inky liquid was glutinous upon his hands. The truth of her words, Ultimecia's truth, was spilling him. Inside, where no eyes went, he was decaying.   
  
  
_

_And it was horrible. _

~*~*~*~*~*~

Irvine Kinneas, leaning against a famed Blue-leafed Deling Maple with his arms crossed and the brim of his hat obscuring his eyes, was the picture of languid relaxation. All the people meandering though Deling City's Public Park thought so, as they cast curious glances at the lone cowboy. A few kids even thought that he was asleep.   
  
  


For the record, Irvine was not sleeping nor was he relaxed.   
  
  


He was pissed off and he had no one to blame but himself.   
  
  


Well in all fairness he could have blamed Jeta; the leggy redhead had given him her name after he'd callously letting it drop that he didn't remember it, but what was the point? It couldn't have looked any worse though he wanted desperately to inform Selphie that it wasn't what it looked like, cliché as the phrase was. He'd been with Jeta better than a year ago and it had been after receiving top marks on a particularity grueling Training Exam so he'd been trashed. But the damage was done and he'd given Selphie no reason to believe him anyway.   
  
  


As far as she knew, as far as anyone knew really, he was a Lady's Man who found fidelity impossible. In reality, he was nowhere near as licentious as his reputation claimed him to be. He understood women and they found him sensitive and easy to talk to. Obviously that wasn't the sort of thing he wanted to get around. So he welcomed his title as a lone player rather then a compassionate romantic.   
  
  


Though if he'd known that Selphie would reenter his life again, things would be different. He would have taken better care with his reputation, that much was certain.

The thing was, no girl had ever known him like Selphie knew him. 

As children, they had been one. Their emotions had been so entwined that when she would hurt, he would cry. He'd known her every thought just as she'd known his. Her adoption had literally torn him apart. Even years later, he'd still been able to feel the ache or her separation.  
  
  


But he'd grown without her and had remained convinced that he and Selphie would meet up again. Their bond was too strong to be overcome. He'd been so certain...and the years had passed.  
  
  


It had taken time but he'd come to accept that maybe he had idolized their childhood relationship. Being a kid was a helluva lot different then being a teenager and it was certainly possible that he'd been wrong. To get over his stupid, romantic dreams of Selphie Tilmitt, he'd thrown himself into one meaningless relationship after another. 

It was all different now because Selphie was back in his life. They might not be as close as they'd once been but the pull was still there.

Selphie had done what other girls had not and caught him. God, he was _so_ fucking caught.

It hurt to love her, he realized. It actually _hurt_. 

Waiting for physical closeness was something he never had to do but now he couldn't even hold Selphie's hand and he wanted to beyond anything. With her he wanted all the simple acts along with everything complicated. He wanted to wake up with her in her arms and her clothes on his floor. He wanted her laughter all for himself and he wanted to touch her hair. He wanted her enthusiasm and love and pain and flaws. He wanted her everything and he wanted to wait for her.

Because even though it hurt, but it was also damn sweet, loving her like this.

"Shit," he muttered.

He was gone and he was a fool. He knew that just as he knew that he loved her. What he didn't know was how to prove it to her. It had to be more than gifts and romantic dinners. He had to do for her what he'd never done for any other girl. He had to...yeah. 

This was gonna be hard. In any case, the time for contemplation was over. What he needed was some solid ideas. If he could find Selphie then he might be able to find out something from her. It had to be better than any of his ideas...which currently stood at zilch.

He tore himself off the Blue-leafed Deling Maple tree and stalked through the park. Maybe she was still in the hotel with Zell. If not, he'd check around the Shopping District. Zell had been whining about getting the latest Combat King magazine so a nearby bookshop would be worth looking into.

It didn't take him too long to reach the Shopping District since he was a man on a mission. He wove his way through the crowded streets towards the hotel.

And then, his mission was abruptly forgotten.

His eyes narrowed as he observed Fujin hurry from the hotel, a tiny smirk printed upon her normally expressionless face. 

He didn't like that smirk or the fact that she was armed. He knew for fact she was also on vacation. Something was up and if he wasn't mistaken, it probably had something to do with Seifer. It wasn't exactly a secret that Fujin wanted to find Seifer.

He was following her before he could think twice.

~*~*~*~*~*~

It was true.

His hand shook violently as he reached up to scour at his face. Sticky fluid clung to his cheeks, marring him as surely as his scar. 

There was blood in his tears. They splashed onto the stone ground in bright puddles. They trailed down the thick crab grass that sprouted between the cracked floor. They mocked him with their vivid alacrity.

He was unchanged.

The passing of six months and his new ideals...all waste. 

He was unchanged.

Squall would always remain unsurpassed just as he would continue to kneel with tainted hands.

Salvation was selfish; _he_ was selfish.

There was clarity now. He bound Ultimecia to himself.

_This is untrue_

True truth was indisputable and stationary. He didn't know Ultimecia's truth but he knew his own. 

Inside there was a pollution he could not cleanse.


	9. Pushing Myself to You

Chapter IX : Pushing Myself to You 

"Alright, read me what you have so far," Selphie ordered as she wiped her mouth.

Zell picked up the restaurant napkin he'd been scribbling on and cleared his throat. "Dear Matron," he read aloud. "How are you? I am fine. Are you enjoying Esthar? It is a nice place this time of-"

"What the hell?" Selphie snatched the napkin from Zell's hands and scanned the contents. "What kind of dumb letter is this? We're supposed to be asking for help, not blathering on about all this junky stuff!"

"I'm _not_ blathering on," Zell replied testily. "I'm easing into the letter with polite inquiries. That's how you're _supposed_ to start letters."

"Don't be a dummy Zell," Selphie said, rolling her eyes. "Like we have time for _polite inquiries_."

"Well if you know so much then why don't you write the stupid letter?" Zell scowled as he stuffed a forkful of vegetables into his mouth. Sometimes Selphie could be so _bossy_.

Selphie grabbed the pen. "Maybe I will!"

"Good for you!"

"I know!"     

"How is everything so far?"

They both glared at the smiling waitress who chose that moment to interrupt them.

 "Fine!" they retorted together.

The waitress looked shocked and hurried off.

Zell looked at Selphie and they both couldn't help but snicker. 

"We shouldn't've done that," he stated solemnly. "I think we scared her off."

Selphie shook her head as she began to write. "Maybe she won't expect a tip."

"They only don't expect tips in Esthar," Zell reminded her. "Lucky for Matron."

"Yeah, you can put that in your next letter," Selphie responded dryly. "You know, after your _polite inquiries_."

"Do I detect jealously at my obviously superior letter-writing skills?"      

Selphie scoffed. "Gimme a break. Who'd wanna write letters to _you_?"

Zell was highly insulted. "What's that supposed to mean? Lots a' people write letters to me!"

"Yeah sure." Selphie thrust the napkin at him before turning back to her meal. "Here, read this," she commanded, loading her fork with a pile of Grandidi Forest greens. "I'm done."

He gave her a glare before skimming the letter. "Fine, you've made your point," he begrudgingly admitted. "This sounds pretty good."

"After this we'll stop off at a Digital Communications Office and get this to Matron within the hour," Selphie explained as she chewed. "Sound good?"

"Yeah, that's fine." He frowned down at his grilled Fastitocalon fish. "What are we gonna tell Irvine? I don't think he's much up for forgiving Seifer and all that."

Selphie raised an eyebrow. "Last I heard, neither were you."

Zell found himself flushing before he could stop himself. "I'm not _up_ for...I mean I don't think that, uh, well anyways it's not like I _really._.." he trailed off, feeling inexplicably flustered. He was aware that Selphie was watching him closely. "I don't think I forgive him," he finally answered. "But I also don't think he's gonna do anything bad. I mean the guy _apologized_ to me and when did I ever even _think_ that was gonna happen? And if he's hearing Ultimecia, then, well that's just frigged up. So you know, the least we could do is help. I guess."

"The least we could do is nothing," Selphie corrected as she stuck her spoon into her Geezard souffle. 

"You never did tell me why you decided to forgive Seifer," Zell said thoughtfully. "No one expected Rinoa to forgive him but no one expect you to side with her. I mean, he practically blew up Trabia Garden."

"Well not him exactly, but I know. I haven't forgotten about Trabia Garden, if that's what you mean." She swallowed thickly. "I guess it was something Rinoa said to me. She was telling me about when she first met Seifer and she said that deep inside, he's really a neurotic, insecure guy. She said that she wanted to save him from himself." 

"What the hell?!" Zell was astounded. If Seifer was insecure then Squall was friggin' _garrulous_. "I always knew that girl was on crack."

"It's true." Selphie paused to take a sip of her Starburst pop before continuing. "She was going on about how he had some childhood security issues and low self-esteem and stuff. She said that he'd have these whacked out dreams and then he'd freak out in his sleep and it'd take her ages before she could calm him down. She said he had really bad insomnia and had to use Sleep Magic and pills and stuff. And then I thought about when we were kids and I remember Matron used to put pills in Seifer's milk at night. Remember that? They were pink and I used to want some 'cause I thought they were candy

"Frig," Zell exclaimed, scrunching up his nose. "And Seifer used to get all violent and stuff if anyone'd ask him about 'em. He must've seriously hated taking those things."

"I think he has some weakness phobia or something," Selphie speculated. "You know, like a complex or whatever the official word is. I mean, I know that he was a jerk to you and to a lot of other people too but maybe that's just 'cause he has issues. Who knows what kinda life he had before he came to the orphanage."

Zell groaned. "Come off it, Seife. I'm s'pposed to forget all the shit he put me through just 'cause he _might_'_ve_ had low self-esteem and crappy real parents? That is so lame!"

"I'm not saying you should forget anything," Selphie clarified patiently. "I'm just saying that things are different now and maybe there's a reason. Afterall, he _apologized_."

Zell shook his head. "And here I thought Lunar Cry was the weirdest thing I ever heard of."

"What about actually _junctioning_ The Tonberry King?"

"Or compressing time?"        

They shared a grin.

"We've had more of a frigged up year than most SeeDs have in their whole _career_," Selphie declared. "Practically no one's even _heard_ of the Deep Sea Research Center let alone actually been there."

"I guess we just really kick ass," Zell announced with great pride. His brow creased as he bit into his fried Gayla. "So are we gonna tell Irvine about Seifer or what?"

"Well we _have_ to," Selphie cried, her eyes widening. "It would be unethical if we didn't. Wouldn't it?" 

Zell shrugged. "I guess. Think he'll get mad?"

"Well once I explain everything to him, I'm sure he'll be fine with it." Selphie gave him a smug look. "Afterall, the art of conversational persuasion is my forte."

Zell smirked. "Yeah, I'll just bet that's what Irvine appreciates about you."

Green eyes narrowed. "Just what is that supposed to mean, Zell?"

"Any fool can tell that the guys _likes_ you!"

Selphie looked surprised. "Oh is _that_ what it is? He _likes_ me? And here I thought it was just lust." She rolled her eyes. "Guys always want the ones they can't have." She nodded importantly. "Trust me, I know these things."

Zell scoffed. "Load of crap, Sefie. I don't want, like _Rinoa_ or something."

"Not guys like _you_, guys like Irvine."

"Whaddya mean, 'guys like me'?" Zell demanded, affronted. "What's wrong with me?"

"I mean _players_," Selphie explained. "Or well, I mean I don't really think Irvine's that much of a player but you know how he is. He's always flirting and stuff. If you're gonna go by that then he'd like everyone from Fujin to the Card Queen."

"I think it means something," Zell contradicted as he took another hearty bite of his fish. "It means he likes you."

Selphie gave him a Look. "No offense Zell but it's not like you're any great connoisseur when it comes to relationships. Irvine's just being Irvine. It doesn't mean anything so give it up."

"I know what I know," Zell persisted stubbornly. He chewed rapidly and swallowed. "Why don't you just give him a chance or somethin'?"

"Why are you pushing this?" She gave him a suspicious look. "Did Irvine talk you into pushing him to me?"

Zell gave her a wounded look. "Do you really think I'd do that to you?"

"Yes."

He switched tactics. "Whaddya so afraid of? That you might like him back?"

Selphie scowled as him as she violently began cutting up her Grendal steak. "I'm not _afraid_ of anything. I'd just like my boyfriend to have higher fidelity stats than Irvine's likely to hold. I don't think that's an unreasonable request."

"Well..." Zell shrugged. She had a point. He knew that Irvine was probably serious about Selphie. Afterall, the guy'd been mooning after her for the past six months. That had to mean something. But it wasn't up to him to convince Selphie, Irvine would have to do that. "You know best."

"He's my friend," Selphie murmured, stopping to have a drink. "And I don't want to spoil that with a relationship that won't last. Besides, he's always surrounded by all these gorgeous, supermodelish girls so what would he want me for when he can have them? I'm not beautiful, I'm only cute." She wrinkled her nose.

"I think you're beautiful," Zell proclaimed loyally. "If you weren't like...I dunno, a sister or something, I'd date you myself!"

Selphie snorted but couldn't help from smiling. "Like you're not just saying that because you're my best friend."

"I'm your best friend?" Zell grinned. "That's prolly the smartest thing I've ever heard you say!"

"I wish I could quote the smartest thing you've ever said." Selphie shook her head and assumed a tragic expression. "But I've never heard you say anything smart."

Zell made a face. "Wow that was hilarious."

"I try."

"So whaddya wanna do after this?"

"Dessert! And then after maybe shopping." Selphie frowned. "We should prolly buy some stuff for Seifer or something. What's he been eating anyways? He's a stick."

Zell sighed loudly. "I can't believe I came all this way to do charity work for Seifer. Talk about frigged up."

~*~*~*~*~*~__

_Pressing the thick cloth to the dripping wound marring her forehead, Edea turned her gaze to her husband. "How is the boy?"_

_Cid didn't answer her question. "You went unjunctioned," he pointed out in a soft voice she knew to mean that he was upset. There were nasty splotches of red staining his cheeks and his hands were fisted. Cid was angry...or as angry as someone as mellow as he could become._

_"Darling please," she murmured, pulling him down to sit beside her. "It's looks worse than it really is. A few scratches cannot hurt me. You know that it takes a lot for-"_

_"It's more than a few scratches," Cid cried, his eyes filled with hurt and dismay. "You should have let me come with you. I knew they were dangerous, I knew they'd hurt you!"_

_She took his hand. "I could handle it and we both know that. Please Cid, the child is what's important."_

_"Why did you go unjunctioned? Why didn't you use any of your powers?" He gave her a soft, melting look and squeezed her hand. "The boy is important but so are you."_

_"If I went fully equipped, I could have killed them and that is not something I could do." She looked away. "What should I have done? Leave the child with them? You saw how they treated him."_

_"I know but it distresses me to see you wounded." He touched the bruise on her cheek. "Haven't you any curative magic left?"_

_She shook her head. "It's nothing Cid, please don't worry." She let go of his hand and stood. "I should go and check on the child."_

Cid followed suit, his gaze straying to her hastily bandaged arm. "I'll go fetch you some Elixirs." He kissed her cheek gently. "Let me do this much for you."

_"Of course darling." She smiled reassuringly. "I shall be fine. It takes more than a few cuts to do in a sorceress."_

_Cid left and Edea headed up to their bedroom where she'd put the sleeping child. She'd been forced to cast Sleep magic upon the boy so he was unaware that he was no longer in Dollet with his parents._

_She entered the room and closed the door quietly behind her. _

_The child was awake._

_He was sitting up, huddled against the headboard, hugging his knees. He couldn't have been more than six years old and looked so small. Wide blue eyes gazed around the room before falling on her. He glared at her suspiciously. _

_She approached the bed slowly. "Hello."_

_"Who're you?" The boy glanced around again. "What's this place?"_

_Edea sat down on the edge of the bed. "I'm called Edea and you're here in my house. Perhaps you could tell me your name?"_

_The child was guarded. He stared at her for a few moments before replying. "It's Seifer."_

_"Are you hungry Seifer?"_

_He ignored the question. "Why am I here?"_

_She hesitated and tried to articulate her words so as not to alarm him. "I take care of a lot of children here," she explained gently. "I've brought you here because your parents didn't know how to raise you properly. The Dollet government sent me to fetch you."_

_Wrinkles creased the boy's smooth forehead. "What's gonna happen to them?"_

_"They'll be taken care of," she replied evasively. She didn't want to tell Seifer that his parents would most likely be in jail now for child abuse, neglect, drug manufacturing and trafficking as well as murder.  _

_"They did bad things," Seifer muttered, poking at a hole in the knee of his jeans. "They hurt people."_

_"I know darling," she murmured, wanting to soothe the child. "They're not going to hurt anyone anymore."_

_"I don't hafta go back?" Seifer looked hopeful for a second before his face hardened. "But I don't care anyways."_

_"Your home is with me now. Here no one will hurt you."_

_"But I...I'm not..." The boy looked horrified as his voice caught. Tears gathered in the wells of his wide eyes. With grubby, raw fingers he angrily dashed at the spilling liquid. "I don't care," he choked out._

_Edea gathered the child into her arms and held him as he struggled to stop crying._

~*~*~*~*~*~__

Fujin scowled as she paced up and down the ornate sitting room. Whatever General Caraway might be, punctual he was not. She'd been waiting for more then ten minutes and she _hated_ waiting.

"SUCKS," she muttered and kicked the leg of his desk for good measure. Kicking stuff always made her feel a bit better.

She resumed her pacing and scowling.                

"Ah here you are," the General announced a good three minutes later. "I'm quite sorry to keep you waiting but my secretary is quite the talker." He smiled and gestured to the settees. "Please have a seat."

Fujin sank down across from Rinoa's father and clutched her icy hands together. She gave him her best 'tough-ass' look.

General Caraway cleared his throat. "I understand from Rinoa that you wish to contact Seifer Almasy?"             

"AFFIRMATIVE," she replied, her voice sounding unnaturally loud.

He blinked but was not surprised. Rinoa had probably filled him in on her speech defect. "And might I inquire as to the nature of your search?"

"PERSONAL." She narrowed her eye and frowned. "NOT DESTRUCTIVE. CONCERNED. SEIFER FRIEND."

"Ahh." General Caraway leaned back against the velvet squabs of the settee and gave her a searching look. "If the matter is purely personal then I see no need to withhold information. Rinoa has assured me that you can be trusted. I don't think I need to outline what will transpire should you be caught doing anything unethical. At the very least your status as SeeD will be revoked."

"UNDERSTOOD," Fujin replied, striving to contain her excitement. Who knew that Rinoa would actually come in handy one day?

"Then I don't think I need to waste anymore of your time." General Caraway smiled kindly at her. "Your friend is residing in the Tomb of the Unknown King. It's located east from here and if you rent a car you'll be able to reach the Tomb in about forty minutes or so. Bewared though, it's an extremely dangerous area. Level Four and Five Monsters have been reported so use tremendous caution and be sure to be fully equipped."

Fujin nodded determinedly. She'd never been to the Tomb of the Unknown King and knew that it was a perilous place but she was prepared to do whatever it took to find Seifer. "UNDERSTOOD," she repeated.            

"Lastly, I'm told that three of your fellow SeeDs are also residing in the Galbadian hotel. I shall be notifying them with details of your activities, if that's acceptable with you? Should you do anything wrong, they will take the necessary actions."

Since Selphie was on her side, she knew that Chicken wuss and the Lone Ranger wouldn't be a problem. Not that she gave a rat's ass. They could put up a fucking magical blockade and spit Meteor spells 'til the next Lunar Cry but they weren't gonna stop her. "AFFIRMATIVE."

"Then I won't keep you." He stood up and held out his hand. "Good luck."

Fujin shook his hand. "THANK YOU," she replied and meant it.

Surprisingly, for one who'd spawned the likes of Rinoa, General Caraway was a pretty decent guy. At least he'd given her no problems or hassles. He must really have a soft spot for Rinoa. 

This meant that sooner or later, she was going to have to thank Rinoa.

Fujin _really_ didn't want to thank Rinoa.

Sighing loudly, she stalked down the sidewalk.

She was on the verge of crossing the street when a sharp grip jerked at her arm.

Pandemona's name on her lips and the first thing her fingers had stumbled upon, a Dragon Fang, in her hand, she whirled around ready to kick ass. _No one_ touched her and lived to tell about it.

"Careful Fujin," came the throaty drawl of Irvine Kinneas. "You know I've had Pandemona junctioned and he's not gonna be able to hurt me."

Fujin roughly yanked herself free from his grasp. Great, just what she needed. Irvine stupid man-whore Kinneas flirting it up with her. "MINE," she bit out.

Irvine raised an eyebrow. "I'm not about to take him from you again. He's yours now."

Damn straight he was. Though she had never shown it, her time without Pandemona had been sheer _agony_. When Irvine had drawn the wind GF from her inside Balamb's hotel, she'd felt as though she'd been ripped apart. Pandemona was a part of her and she wasn't about to let him go again.

Irvine was looking at her expectantly. "WHAT," she demanded, narrowing her eye.

"You and I need to talk," he replied, stepping towards her. 

Fujin didn't move back though she _loathed _having her personal space invaded. "TALK."

"Not here." He gestured to a relatively quiet spot under a nearby tree. "Over there. We won't be heard then."

Resisting the urge to kick the cowboy, she stomped after him. 

"WHAT," she repeated, folding her arms across her chest.  

Irvine leaned against the tree and surveyed her. "Why are you _really_ going to see Seifer?"

Anger began to boil within her. "SPYING," she accused.

"I have the right."

"NEGATIVE!"

"We're both SeeDs and if I have reason to believe that you're up to something questionable than it's my duty to check it out."

Irvine's calm tone infuriated her. "REASON?!" she spat, fisting her hands. "QUESTIONABLE?!"

"The General has a soft spot for Rinoa and he'd do anything for her." He arched an eyebrow. "I'm assuming that's why you got Rinoa to ask him? It's not like you'd ask anything from her unless you were desperate."

Fujin was pissed of. What right did the likes of _Irvine Kinneas_ have to judge her? He had no authority over her. Questionable her ass. She hadn't even done anything! 

"FUCK OFF."       

Irvine slipped in front of her, blocking her path. "Fujin come on. I'm not here to accuse you. I just don't want you to get in trouble."

Oh so now he was concerned? What goddamn shit. 

"TOUCHING," she sneered. She scowled viciously at him and decided to play her trump card. "SELPHIE KNOWS."

Irvine blinked and looked floored. "Selphie knows? How?"

"MET." She smirked at the look on Irvine's face. "UNDERSTANDS. OFFERED HELP."

"What?" The shock on Irvine's face grew. "She said she'd help you?"

"TRUST." 

Irvine frowned. "Well I don't care I she trusts you because I don't." He gave her a piercing look. "I'm coming with you to the Tomb."

Fujin stared at him in disbelief. The guy was so goddamn arrogant! Who the _fuck_ did he think he was, giving _her_ orders?

"I'm serious." Irvine stepped towards her, his hand of the butt of his rifle. "The Tomb is a maze and if you don't know your way through, you'll be stumbling around for days. People have died in there."

She hesitated, torn. Half of her wanted nothing more then to beat the fuck out of Irvine and his shitty-assed conceit. On the other hand, she'd never been inside the Tomb and she couldn't afford to wander around for days like some stupid tool. She needed to see Seifer _now_. As reluctant as she was to admit it, Irvine did have a point.

Damn it, Seifer better be goddamn _thrilled_ to see her. As if asking Rinoa for help hadn't been bad enough, now she was forced to rely on fucking Irvine. The situation couldn't have been more suckier.

"FINE," she growled, gritting her teeth.

Irvine shook his head. "You should watch that temper of yours. You and Zell, two peas in a pod." He smirked at her. "Wouldn't want all those Anger Management Classes to go to waste now would we?"

Now he was comparing her to _Chicken Wuss_? That short little hyper idiot? Just because they shared that fucking retarded Anger Management Class didn't mean that they were two goddamn peas in a goddamn pod! How she wished she could tell Irvine off and then wipe that annoying smirk off his face for good.

She settled for giving him the finger before tramping away.

They reached the car rental shop at the town's entrance about fifteen minutes later.

"Have anything in a sleek SUV?" Irvine asked the proprietor. He winked at Fujin. "Ladies love a stud in a sexy car."

"STUD?" Fujin made a production of looking around. "WHERE?"

Irvine slung his arm around her shoulders. "Stick with me babe and we'll go places."

She stamped on his foot _hard_. 

"OW!" Irvine winced and quickly let go of her. He looked over at the owner who was watching them with interest. "She's only putting up a front," he informed the old guy. "Secretly she's madly in love with me."

Fujin didn't condescend to give him an answer. Instead she turned her fuming gaze to the old man. "CAR," she demanded, glowering.

The man wasn't frightened. "To tell the truth girlie, I only got one vehicle left."

"Only one?" Irvine frowned. "What the hell happened to all your cars?"

The old man puffed out his chest with pride. "Everybody's been rentin' 'em! Winhill Flower Festival's this week ya know."

"Well what's the car you have left like?"

The old man turned and shuffled towards the parking lot in the back. They followed him.

"Only this beauty's left."

Irvine and Fujin both stared. Beauty was not a word that could aptly describe...that.

The car was probably the size of a Grendal and painted a lurid electric blue-mauve hybrid. The words 'Idali's Igloo of Intergalactical Intelligence, WinterIsland Trabia' were painted in glaring white across the side. A grinning, plastic igloo was affixed to the top of the car.    

"Never got around to paintin' it," the old guy said apologetically. "But there are a few peoples who like it."

"NO."

"Never."

Fujin looked at her companion. She was not used to speaking at the same time and sharing the same sentiments with Irvine. 

"STUPID," she objected, wrinkling her nose in acute distaste. "IGLOO."

"I'm not gonna drive anything with," Irvine gestured to the sprawling white words, "_that_ written on it."

"But Idali's the best in the business," the old guy protested. "Every time I gone an' seen them aliens in their fancy spaceships, I call Idali. She always knows what to do."

Irvine glanced at her before responded. "Yeah okay, maybe we'll be back."

"There's a bike shop in the plaza," the old man called after them.

Fujin rolled her eyes as they walked away. "SHIT."

"Seriously. I've never seen such a friggin' ugly igloo in my life." He shook his head. "So what's the plan now?"

The plan was that she was now gonna find a car to hotwire but Irvine didn't know that. She couldn't wait any longer and even if she _did_ get lost in the maze, well anything was better than wandering around town with Irvine and waiting.

"RETURN," she answered in what she hoped to be an innocent tone. "LATER."

Irvine looked suspicious. "I'm staying with you, Fujin. If you think that-"

"Irvine!"

Inwardly Fujin laughed. A tall blond was striding towards them, waving excitedly. 

"I knew it was you!"

The timing was impeccable. Who would have thought that she'd actually be grateful for Irvine's player ways? Just as who knew Rinoa could be useful? Maybe today wasn't such a bad day afterall.    

Irvine was looking uncomfortable as the blond cozied up to him and didn't noticed her at all.

Fujin smirked as she slipped away. 

Like Gil in a glass.


	10. Truth Within This Touch

Chapter X : Truth Within This Touch 

Barely two hours had passed and Zell was back inside in the Tomb, this time trudging around with the enormous parcel Selphie had put together. She'd stocked enough food, support magic, spell stones and magazines to last the next couple of years. Obviously Seifer had made one hell of an impression since she was willing to do all this for the guy. If one was in Selphie's corner, there was nothing she wouldn't do for that person. 

It was always easy to be swayed and caught up by Selphie's enthusiasm. She had an uncanny ability to persuade people to do things they normally wouldn't even think about doing. Her fervor was contagious and when with her, it was effortless to take upon her views. When she was gone though, that was when uncertainties would creep up.   

The long car ride back to the Tomb had been plagued with uncertainties. Zell'd had plenty of time to think about what consequences his actions might bring.  

So Seifer was different. People changed all the time and it wasn't as though that was any news. Zell could accept that. He could even accept that Seifer was truly sorry for all the things he'd done wrong.

Forgiveness, that was a concept that was _extremely_ difficult to take on. Bringing supplies and caring about Seifer, doing all the things he and Selphie were doing, it was damn near impossible to accept. With such unwavering conviction, Selphie had proclaimed their actions to be right. Forgiveness was right and everyone deserved a second chance and Seifer was one of them and underneath it all he was a really nice guy...blah blah blah. Selphie had gone on and on during their shopping excursion and at the time, Zell had been convinced.

Now, he wasn't so sure.

If a part of Ultimecia's conscience was still inside Seifer, then that was unquestionably a worry they as SeeDs would have to deal with. They'd sent their concerns to Matron and had done their job. But playing the Good Samaritan? What the hell was that?

Zell had spent a good deal of his years being bullied and tormented by Seifer. It was not something he could easily forget nor was it something he wanted repeated. Seifer might be weak now but he would gain his strength back. Then what? Would they slip back into the old 'HeyChickenWussShutupyouPrick' routine?

He took out his doubts on a couple of Wendigos that came to block his path a few minutes later.

The battle was insanely short since he'd junctioned Death to his gloves. Shaking the goo from his fists, he collected the two Steel Orbs and headed down the passage way and over the rickety little bridge. He'd reached the center of the Tomb, figuring it to be the best place for Seifer to reside.

He crossed the bridge and abruptly stopped.

Looming before him and completely blocking the Tomb's entrance was Sphinxaur. She peered down at him with huge, unblinking eyes and smiled kindly.

"YOU COME FROM MY MEMORY INSIDE THE CASTLE."

Zell stopped before her. She didn't seem particularly hostile but he was wary. "Yeah, I s'ppose. Uh, is Seifer inside there?"

"I GUARD HIM. HE IS WEAK."

"I know." He held up the box of supplies. "I brought some stuff for him. Could I pass?"

"I GUARD HIM," she repeated. "HURT HIM AND I WILL ATTACK."

Zell wanted to ask if she'd attack Seifer if he'd hurt him but decided not to push his luck. As it was, he was lucky that he didn't have to fight her.

She vanished and he headed forward.

The Tomb was as he remembered it when battling Brothers. The stone floor was still cracked with tufts of Hoar Frost grass growing in wild patches. Archaic runes and fading words were etched upon the fractured walls. The King's casket dominated most of the room, sunk deep into the stone. The only addition was Seifer.

Lying in a crumpled heap near in the entrance, his breathing was sporadic and heavy. He was on his side, his face was nearly crushed up against the wall.

"Aw shits," Zell complained, setting down the box of supplies and dropping to his knees beside Seifer. "I knew coming here was gonna be trouble."

He hesitated, reluctant to touch Seifer. What if the guy suddenly woke up and smashed him? What if this was a trick? What if...

Seifer inhaled sharply and a thick, raspy sound escaped from his mouth. It sounded like nothing Zell had ever heard before.

...he was seriously injured?

Biting his lip, he carefully took hold of Seifer's shoulder and pulled him onto his back. Quickly letting go, he peered down at the other boy.

It didn't look good.

Seifer's face was ashen, his lips tinted blue. There was a nasty rip at the corner of his mouth, dried blood smeared upon his left cheek and his lashes were flickering rapidly.

Was Ultimecia in his mind again?

Zell took off his right glove and warily placed his fingers upon Seifer's cheek to wipe away to red liquid.

A twisted cry raced from his mouth. 

There was a pain like nothing Zell had ever felt.

Ice as sizzling as electricity spilled against his skin and poured into his veins. Blinding splotches of frost exploded against his eyes and dripped into his conscience. Internally he was contracting as an aching presence manifesting itself. Something gelatinous spread into his pores and clogged at his organs. He was shifting and decaying into this bitter _misery_...

"_Fuck_!" he choked out, stumbling backwards, his naked hand coming up to press at his eyes.

Cold.

Seifer was cold.

Zell gulped in air, his body shuddering.

It was colder then any Level Blizzard spell, colder then Shiva's summoning, colder then winter. It was a frozen Hell. It was an otherworldly cold. It was cold that _hurt_.

Tears stung his eyes as he struggled to breathe. His head was enveloped by a trembling pain.

He recalled how cold Ultimecia's castle had been. Was this what it felt like to have her inside?

"Fuck," he gasped again, striving to stop shivering and failing horribly.

Within his mind, gnawing upon his brain, was ice. Slivers of thick ice that scraped upon the flesh and tore at the bone. It ripped at him, stuffing him, breaking into him...

It was with shaking fingers and absolute willpower that Zell was able to reach into his pocket and pull out an Elixir. The warm liquid splashed over him in a gentle wave, abating the cold.

"Oh God," he whispered, running his fingers over his face. 

Even though the feeling was gone, it was a good fifteen minutes before he could move. The psychological impact of having..._that_ inside his brain was beyond what he could endure. 

There were no words to describe it. Not any.

How the _fuck_ was Seifer able to stand it?

Zell managed to rouse himself at the thought of Seifer. If that one little touch had effected him so severely, then what the hell was Seifer experiencing? 

Putting on his other glove, Zell lit a couple Flare stones upon a patch of grass and moved Seifer towards the flame, cautious not touch his skin. 

The hearty fire spat viciously and cast dancing shadows upon Seifer's face. 

The older boy was still in bad condition. He _looked _like what Zell had just undergone. 

Zell couldn't even begin to imagine what Seifer had gone through and how he'd managed to survive so far. If Seifer felt even one percent _more_ than what he'd just experienced, well then no wonder he was contemplating suicide. To have to go through _that_ and for this long...

Caught up in horror, Zell barely realized that he was reaching out to touch Seifer. 

He blinked hard and quickly dropped his hand. What the hell was he doing? Was he so out of it that he was reaching to touch Seifer again? What the fuck?

He jumped as Seifer suddenly gasped sharply, his breathing increasing.

"Wha-"     

Zell bit back an astonished yell as Seifer's hand shot out like a bullet to grab his own. Bony fingers clutched at his gloved hand, holding them in a surprisingly fierce grip. Seifer jerked Zell's hand against his cheek.

With Ehrgeiz on, he couldn't feel Ultimecia's cold.

Zell's eyes widened. He tugged at his hand, not wanting to hurt Seifer but uncomfortably with the idea of sitting around touching Seifer's cheek. What if somehow Ultimecia came to the surface again? What if not feeling her was only temporary or something? What if-

Seifer's eyes coiled open. They were cloudy and unfocused but they held recognition. "Zell," he gasped out, his words low and raspy. He swallowed thickly and squeezed Zell's hand _hard_. "What...what are..."

"Selphie gathered up some supplies for you," Zell told him, trying very hard to be casual and failing miserably. He squirmed. "Seifer your...um your hand..." Zell could feel his cheeks bursting with heat.

"She's inside me," Seifer whispered, gritting his teeth. "But you...when you touched...I don't feel her." Seifer caught his gaze and there was pleading. "Only for a moment. I...I know I'm not supposed to...I _can't_ ask anything from you Zell...but only... just so I can push her-"

"It's okay," Zell cut in quickly. "I felt her before. I wasn't wearing my gloves and-"

Seifer inhaled quickly. "You _felt_ her?"

"Um yeah, sorta." Zell couldn't help but shudder. "It was the most fucked up I've ever felt. How the hell can you _stand_ it? It's so damn cold!"

Seifer clenched his eyes shut and dropped Zell's hand. "You shouldn't... she's too strong now."

"I don't get it. We defeated her. How can she be this strong?"  

"This is her hatred." Seifer swallowed thickly. "Before I could handle it but now...the things she says..."

"I can give you an Elixir," Zell offered, at a total loss of what to do. Should he touch Seifer again? Should he leave and get help? Should he take Seifer back to Deling City with him? This was hardly the sort of thing they covered in SeeD practical preparation classes. "It helped me before."

"I'm okay." Seifer shoved open his eyes and winced. "I keep seeing Matron."

"Matron?" Zell frowned at the turn in their conversation. "How d'ya mean?"

"Her memories of me. I see them."

"Seifer..." Zell shook his head. The guy had some serious problems. "This really isn't my area of specialty or anything. We gotta get you some help. Matron's in Esthar and if we go there she'll-"

Seifer braced himself and managed to sit up before Zell could help him. "No." 

"Why the hell not?" Zell demanded, quickly becoming frustrated. Couldn't Seifer _see_ that he needed some major help? Couldn't he also _see_ that Zell had no friggin' clue of what to do?

"I'm not leaving here."

Zell took a deep breath and tried to be patient. "Man, you're totally fucked up. You need help, alright?"

Seifer managed a shaky laugh. "You're still the same, Zell."    

"You want me to sugarcoat the truth? I don't think so." He leaned towards Seifer so that the other boy could see that he was serious. "I'm not kidding. This is serious business. When I touched you, I thought I's gonna _die_. I never felt anything like that in my life!"

"I'm sorry," Seifer muttered, looking away. "You weren't supposed to feel her."

"Quit apologizing," Zell snapped. "It's so friggin' _weird_. Can't you go back to being all insulting and stuff?"

Seifer stared at him and Zell flushed, realizing how damn stupid his request was.

"I can't. You saved me." Seifer looked him clearly in the eye. "I'm in your debt now."

Zell hastily looked away. Seifer's lucid gaze unnerved Zell almost as much as the idea of him being in his debt did. "It was nothing," he mumbled and hurriedly changed the subject. "Are you still feeling her?"

"She's withdrawn." He scrubbed at one streaked cheek with weary fingers. "Today she was intense and vindictive. She's never been like this before."

"Maybe she knows that we want you to go to Esthar and she's trying to mess you up so much that you can't go." Zell gave him a grim look. "She's manipulative. You of everyone around oughta know_ that_."

"She's also truth." Seifer looked down at the fire, the shadows marring his face. When he spoke again, his voice was nearly inaudible. "Because it comes from her doesn't mean I can disregard it. True truth is unchanging. Something constant is always constant. She's constant."

"Don't tell me you're listening to her shit," Zell burst out, creeped out by Seifer's weird philosophizing. "What the hell, she's a psycho, not truth or any crap like that! You _know_ all the bad stuff she did and all the stuff she _wanted_ to do! If you're listening to her then you're as crazy as she is!"

"I was selfish. That's a truth she told me. She festers in it." He tilted his head as he studied the flickering flames. "I cried. Matron was there."

"What?"

Seifer nodded distantly, his gaze vague. "It's true. When I came to the orphanage I cried. Matron held me. She was the only person to ever see me cry. I remember now. Matron was also constant to me."

An odd little lump swelled in his throat . Zell swallowed nervously. "Um..."

Something glinted momentarily in dark eyes before vanishing. "I wish she was here."

Zell exhaled noisily.

They were only five little words, uttered in a broken voice but they were enough for Zell to _know_ that Seifer truly was changed. It wasn't any act, any plea for sympathy. This was real and it was pain. For Seifer to want Matron...

He was as human as the next person and that was clear enough for Zell to see.

Zell felt some unfamiliar, nameless feeling swell up inside him. Because as much of a bastard as Seifer had been, he didn't deserve what was happening to him. Zell might have been dense but he knew that much. That frozen torture was beyond bearing and _no one_ warranted that.

"Matron would be happy to see you," Zell said gently. "I know she worries a lot about you." He awkwardly touched Seifer's arm. "Why don't you come back with me? Selphie would be real happy. She was worried about you too." He gestured to the box of supplies. "She packed all that stuff for you."

Seifer smiled a soft, saddened smile. "Why bother? I'm not much these days and if I-"

"You're one of us," Zell interrupted with conviction that he genuinely felt. "Matron's orphans, you know?" He shrugged and began to fidget. "'Sides, what you're doing here...it's like noble and stuff."         

"You're not understanding Zell..." Seifer murmured, looking away. "I don't-"

"You _apologized_ to me for Frig's sakes!" Zell blurted out. "Man, I _never_ thought that was gonna happen!" He toned his voice down. "Look, if Ultimecia breaks you again then it's gonna be fucked up and don't  forget about those eight monsters you got junctioned. They can prolly do a shit load of damage. Matron'll know what to do. Just come on, okay? You can come back here after."

"But I should-" Seifer abruptly cut himself off as his body stiffened. His eyes grew huge, his hands clenching. "I...I'm..."

Zell reacted instinctively. He leaned forward and framed Seifer's face in his gloved hands. "Seifer?"

"It's not...she..." His eyes were hazing over as he bit his lip. "It's cold..."

"Fucks," Zell cursed. What the hell was he supposed to do? He couldn't just sit around and watch this! "Seifer you hafta-"

"S'okay," Seifer murmured thickly, his eyelids sweeping downwards. "I'll just...just..."

Zell was never one to think things through. He'd always been an impulsive, reckless sort and that was really the only excuse he could use to justify what he did next.

They were inches apart and Zell only had to shift the tiniest bit forward for his mouth to drop upon Seifer's. Right smack on the mouth, Zell kissed him. Not on the cheek or on the corner of his mouth but right in the _center_. The guy who'd made his life hell and who he'd hated for _forever_, he kissed because...

It was everything and nothing at all.

There was cold but it was pleasingly bearable. Seifer's lips were raw and smooth. There was pleasure and there was aching, there was heat woven through the chill. There was a thread of Ultimecia and ribbons of Seifer. Zell shouldn't have kissed him but he also _really _ couldn't regret it. 

Kissing Seifer was a paradox.

It was yes and no and for all that it was, it was also its complimentary point. Everything twisted into fading realities and he could've almost believed that the world had stopped. Or started afresh. Or...

Or.

The kiss lasted an eternity and not long enough. 

He eventually pulled back, tasting Seifer upon his lips and saw that the other boy was unconscious, his closed eyes still. 

Zell stared dazedly at him for a moment before the enormity of what he'd just done came heaping down upon him. 

For absolutely no good reason, other then the fact that he didn't have a clue of what the _fuck_ to do, he'd _kissed_ Seifer. On the mouth. Kissed a guy. Kissed _Seifer_.

There was panic.

"I kissed him and he passed out," Zell uttered with a sort of inane, hysterical laugh. "This is too damn much!"

Now that his mouth _wasn't_ on Seifer's, he could only ask one question.

What the holy _fuck_ had he been thinking?

"Oh shit shit _shit_," Zell gurgled, staring down at the older boy. What was gonna happen? What should he do? Was this his fault? What if he'd hurt Seifer? Why in the earth had he thought that _kissing_ would help? When Seifer woke up he was gonna get his ass kicked! He was gonna be in _so_ much trouble! "Oh Gods whatdoIdowhatdoIdo_whatdoIdo_?" He carefully eased Seifer down onto the floor and smacked his own forehead. "Think ya dumbass think!"

There was a deep silence that literally reverberated off the walls. And then...

"I GUARD HIM," came Sphinxaur's voice from the entrance of the chamber. "HURT HIM AND I WILL ATTACK."

Relief poured over Zell in a flood. Was it Selphie? Had Matron replied to their letter with loads of advice? Was Selphie bringing backup? She was smart, she always had good ideas. She would never kiss Seifer for no good reason, if at all! Maybe Irvine...

Oh why the hell was he thinking of all this retarded stuff?!

It wasn't Selphie who cautiously entered the chamber, it was Fujin.

Under any other circumstance, Zell would _not_ have been happy to see Fujin. They hardly got along, what with the Anger Management Classes and 'chicken wuss' and all but it wasn't as though these were ordinary circumstances.

Ignoring the look of deep suspicion and scathing anger upon the girl's face, Zell bolted to his feet and hurled himself into her arms. "I never thought I'd say this but Fujin am I ever happy to see you! You got helluva timing and good thing 'cause I was totally worried 'cause I didn't know what to do, I mean it's not like this sort of thing is covered in class! Is it okay to move him, is she gonna possess him-"           

Fujin shoved Zell away and kicked his shin _hard_. "CALM," she spat, looking vicious. "SLOWLY."

Zell swallowed and raked a hand through his hair. "Ultimecia's still inside him. When I got here he was unconscious and I touched him and it was fucking _insane _'cause there was this weird cold and it hurt so bad I thought I was gonna _die_. Then I put my gloves back on and I couldn't feel it anymore and when Seifer woke up he said that he couldn't feel her when I touched him. I told him he had to go see Matron but he didn't want to but I insisted and I think he was about to say yes but then she came back and he passed out and now I don't know what to do! Do we move him or is she gonna hurt-"

"HOTEL," Fujin interrupted, kneeling down beside Seifer. "NECESSARY."

"Are you sure we can move him? What if she like, I dunno, wakes up and tries to kill us or somethin'? What if we hurt him? What if-"      

"CHANCE," Fujin replied, softly. Her face was tragic as she gazed down at one of her closest friends. "HELP..."

"Okay okay, we'll take him back," Zell quickly conceded, relieved that she's made the decision. "But we gotta be careful. I've got a couple of Holy Wars that'll get us out of here quick and into the hotel undetected. But how do we-"

"FLOAT," Fujin commanded. The spell swirled around Seifer, making him buoyant. "QUICKLY."

Zell nodded as he took out a Holy War and tossed it upon them. "Let's go."

  

~*~*~*~*~*~__

Selphie bounced lightly on her bed while humming along with the theme song to her favorite soap opera, 'Turbulent Times in Timber'. Today's episode was going to be especially turbulent because Rollfo the schizophrenic Abyss Worm perfume maker was about to discover that his ex-gay lover's dead boyfriend had returned to life via a Phoenix Pinion and was about to wed Rollfo's twice removed, half stepsister, Honoria the horologist/Snow Lion tamer!

Now _this_ was what a real vacation entailing; catching up on soaps.

Her TV viewing was interrupted by a brisk knock on the door.

"Matron's letter!" she cried bounding off the bed.

She'd been waiting for ages for Matron's reply to the letter she and Zell had sent. She rushed across the room and yanked open the door.

A Galbadian soldier stood before her. "You a SeeD?" he demanded.

Selphie folded her arms across her chest and gave him a suspicious look. "What you wanna know for?"

The soldier held up a memo. "Communications from General Caraway. Your name?"

She frowned. "Selphie Tilmitt."

He glanced down at the dispatch before nodding. "Yeah alright. Sign here please."

Selphie signed, took the offered letter and flounced back onto her bed.

What on Earth could General Caraway want?

She hastily tore open the dispatch and scanned the contents.

So Fujin _had_ found out where Seifer was residing. Obviously she'd put aside the fact that she despised Rinoa and had asked for her help. Well in any case, Selphie wasn't worried. She trusted Fujin and she trusted Seifer. They weren't up to anything, not with Seifer in his current condition. Besides, Fujin was a SeeD and it was something she took very seriously.

Selphie snickered as she put aside the letter. What if Fujin ran into Zell inside the Tomb? They'd prolly end up flinging Ultimas, GFs and bad words at each other.

Meanwhile, on TV, Honoria the horologist/Snow Lion tamer was fretting. "Oh Udolpho, are you sure that that Rollfo my half stepbrother doesn't know of our secret marriage?"

"Ooooh!" Settling back, Selphie went back to watching TV and waiting for Matron's communication.

She watched the soap in peace for about twenty minutes or so before Irvine strode into the room.

"You knew Fujin was here," he accused, snapping the door shut behind him.

Selphie tore her eyes away from the TV screen. "Yeah, I ran into her on the bus. She's here on vacation too. Cool huh? We can all hang out together 'cause she's staying her too!"

"Sefie..." He sat down beside her and gave her a grim look. "She's here to see Seifer."

"Ohhh." Understanding dawned upon her. Now she knew what had Irvine so concerned. She found General Caraway's letter and thrust it at him. "Here, read this."

Irvine gave her a quizzical look before taking the letter and reading it. 

"See, I don't think Fujin's up to anything fishy," Selphie ventured. "If she gave General Caraway permission to contact us then she prolly has nothing to hide. 'Sides, you know how important being a SeeD is to her. She's not gonna do anything to frig it up."

"Her friendship with Seifer also means a lot to her." Quickly Irvine filled Selphie in on the details surrounding his meeting with Fujin. "And the minute I turned my back, she disappeared! I'm telling you, she's up to something. Why else would she have been outta there so fast?"

Selphie snorted. "Come off it, Irvy. You know how she is. She hates taking orders and she's a big stickler for privacy. You prolly just really pissed her off."

"Doesn't take a helluva lot," Irvine muttered.

She ignored that. "It's not like it's any secret that she hates to wait. For all we know she prolly went to go steal a car or somethin'. Seifer means a lot to her."

"Exactly. Which means that if he's up to something then she'd be behind him in a flash. And that means we-"

"Um Irvine? About Seifer..." Selphie poked at the carper with her socked foot. "Promise me you're not gonna get mad and you won't say anything until I finish talking?"

Irvine frowned. "What are-"     

"GREAT!" she enthused, hopping off the bed and grabbing Zell's note outlining the mission in the Tomb from off the dresser. "After our...uh walk, I came back here and found this."

She gave him the note and began to relate everything that had happened since entering the Tomb and meeting Seifer.

To his credit, Irvine remained silent. There were a few times when he looked as though he wanted to burst out into a lecture but she ploughed on, barely even allowing herself to breathe.

"And Zell's still in the Tomb and I'm still waiting for Matron's letter," Selphie concluded, ceasing her pacing. She smiled brilliantly at Irvine. "So all in all it's been a busy day so far, don't ya think?"

"How could you have been so damn stupid?" Irvine snapped, scowling. "Seifer could have hurt you! Anything could have happened!. He's not stable and now Zell's-"

"Weren't you listening to me?" Selphie put her hands on her hips and frowned down at him. "Seifer's in trouble and we gotta help him!"

"Sel-"

"No! Now that I remember when we were kids, I know that he's not so much of a bad guy." She cast an imploringly gaze upon Irvine. "Don't you remember? He was the one who gave me my new Tonberry King, he had to be!"

"So you're ready to trust him just because he gave you a _toy_?"

"You're being cynical," Selphie accused. "That's not what I'm saying at all!"

"I'm being realistic," Irvine contradicted. "Since it obvious that-"

"You didn't see Seifer," Selphie interrupted. "He looked tired and defeated. I mean, come on. Do you really think _Zell _ of all people would be willing to help him? He's different now and he needs our help. Can't you just trust me on this?"

Irvine met her gaze clearly and didn't hesitate. "Alright, I trust you." 

Selphie blinked, pointedly ignoring the shivers that darted down her spine at the soft, slightly husky tone in his voice. "Um...okay. We're in agreement then." She plopped down on her bed and swung her feet. "Thanks Irvine. This means a lot to me."

Irvine gave her a smoldering look. "You only have to ask, sweetheart."

Against her will, she blushed. "Um...okay."

  

~*~*~*~*~*~__

"Hi Matron!"

Edea smiled as she stepped into the ornate sitting chambers of the Presidential Suite. "Thank you for agreeing to meet with me, President."

Kiros looked disgusted. "You don't have to call her Matron, stupid."

"Oh yeah." Laguna Loire, President of Esthar City Proper and the surrounding continent, flushed and rubbed at the back of his head sheepishly. Being around Edea always made him a little bit nervous. She was so elegant and graceful and pretty and stuff. "Sorry Edea. Ellone's been talkin' about you so much that I just, well you know...kinda just-"

"I'll leave you two then," Kiros hastily put in, standing. "If needed, I'll be in my office." He gave Laguna a stern look. "You better stop procrastinating and look over those infrastructural amendments. If I don't have a proposal to put forth at tomorrow's conference there's gonna be blood and I'm sending them straight here!" He took his good-byes and left.

Laguna slumped in his seat. "Man that guy can be so bossy!" 

Edea smiled behind her hand. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything President?"

"What? Oh no of course not!" He saw that Edea was still standing and scrambled to his feet. "Please, have a seat! Can I get you something to drink?"

Edea gracefully perched on the edge of a velvet settee. "No I'm fine, thank you."    

Laguna plopped back down into his armchair with a loud _thud_. "So what can I do for you?" 

"I received this communication from Selphie and Zell in Deling City." Edea handed Laguna the letter. "It's rather serious, given light of what Ellone and I are doing."

Laguna glanced through the dispatch. "Shit!" Realizing who he was cursing in front of, he quickly coughed and tried to act casual. "I mean, oh dung this is bad." __

A faint smile tugged at full, wine-colored lips before dying in wake of the subject matter. "I've often felt that something is amiss with Seifer. I thought him to be suicidal and that was why I enlisted Ellone's help to send him my memories. I had no idea that Ultimecia could still exist within his mind." She stared down at pale, folded hands. "He's been wronged horribly, by her and by me."

"Hey, that wasn't your fault!" Laguna burst out, leaning towards her earnestly. "You couldn't help it at all!"

"I am able to help him now," Edea said, brushing a strand of hair from her cheek. "Seifer has not had an easy time of things. His childhood before coming to me was quite difficult. I fear that Ultimecia will once again exploit his fears and insecurities."

Laguna frowned. "So what do you think we should do? You're not thinking of bringing him here, are you?"

"While Dr. Odine has been a tremendous help with reconstruction efforts, I don't trust him with Seifer." She meet Laguna's gaze clearly. "Most likely Seifer would remain imprisoned while the Doctor would perform experiments and so forth. Seifer mightn't ever be able to leave." She was unable to suppress a wince. "If anything, Dr. Odine is rather...passionate about his research."

Laguna snorted loudly. "The guy's a weirdo and we both know it. He may be valuable and an asset to Esthar and all that junk Kiros says but I haven't forgiven him for what he did to Ellone." His hands fisted as anger sparked. "She was only a little kid! She was supposed to be playing and stuff, not locked up while he did stupid experiments on her! I can't stand that guy!"

Edea nodded grimly. "In the name of research, he holds next to no scruples. I think it best if Seifer stay away from Esthar as well as Balamb Garden. I would like to help him on my terms with space."

"Yeah, I see what you mean. Somewhere quiet and low key." Laguna tugged at his bottom lip as he thought. "What about your old orphanage? No one's gonna go there and that's as low key as you can get."

"It's a rather run down affair now," Edea confessed. "Monsters have torn the place apart."

"Oh yeah." Laguna thought some more before suddenly snapping his fingers. "Hey I know! How 'bout Winhill? You guys could stay at our old place since it's empty. The people there are nice and old fashioned and there's not a chance Odine will go there 'cause he hates that place. He told me that once."

"You wouldn't mind? I understand the house is Raine's."

Laguna smiled softly. "Nah, I don't mind. Raine wouldn't have minded either. She liked to take in people. She took me in afterall."

"It's kind of you to do this," Edea murmured, also smiling. "I know Seifer has no meaning to you and-"

"Squall knows him," Laguna interrupted. "And that makes a difference, you know? All these kids who grew up with Squall...it's kinda important in a way. It's all I have right now anyways."

Edea hesitated before speaking. "Have you not spoken with Squall?"

"Uh..." Laguna stared searchingly at the coffered ceiling. "Not so much. Well we played some cards but...um..."

"It will come," Edea reassured. "In time, you'll be able. If you'd like, I can be there."

"Yeah that'd be great!" Laguna sighed and blew his bangs off his forehead. "He'd prolly think I'm joking or something anyways. I don't think he has a real high opinion of me."

"Squall doesn't have a high opinion of many people," Edea countered with wry amusement. "I wouldn't worry about it. I should think that his relationship with Rinoa has helped placate him a bit."

"Julia's daughter!" Laguna beamed happily. "I love that girl. She's like the best thing that coulda ever happened to Squall. But that's enough of that." Laguna stood up. "We gotta start making plans and stuff for Winhill."

Edea also rose. "I've already sent one communication to Deling City with immediate instructions. I'll send another explaining what's we've discussed."          

"Yeah good. It's that Ultimecia's still around..." He gave Edea a worried look. "You know what you're doing right?"

She nodded grimly. "I have a pretty good idea but it will require research."

"I'll help!"

"I think I'll need it."


	11. Waking Unto Need

Chapter XI : Waking Unto Need

_Spindly fingers slid through flaxen locks, twisting at the nerves beneath with an ice-laden grasp._

_Seifer shuddered and forced himself to quiet in the wake of her crushing presence. This ache wasn't new and he could be strong...for now._

_"**This means nothing, my child.**" _

_Her spilling gaze ate at him, forcing behind tired eyes and into his unraveling rationality. What he could see was as much a reality as he had ever known. There was truth and the splotchy darkness was strangely vibrant. He could lose himself into it, into her veracity. _

_He tried to speak, to pry the words from around her aura but she already knew._

_She *was* truth, however corrupt._

_"**They cannot help you.**" She curved her hand around his cheek in a malicious travesty of affection. "**You and I are inseparable, unending. Without me you cannot exist just I am nothing without you.**"_

_"But I don't need you," he whispered, a frown creasing his features. "You weren't always with me."_

_Smoky laughs rippled from her like a loss of gravity. The magnitude of *her* was immense, incalculable as she washed over him in great waves._

_"**Then you were weak, chasing dreams like a fool.**" Tilting, voluminous eyes swam before him, cold and mocking. "**Now I am your dreams and your future and your all. If I am torn from you then you too will dissolve.**"_

_He stared up at her in silent, unwavering dread._

_"**We coexist, my child.** **This is the truth.**"_

_The truth._

_"**They can never help you.**"_

_That which was constant, static._

_Liquid splashed from his eyes and fell to the stained, porcelain floor._

~*~*~*~*~*~

Quistis carefully stuck her tattered bookmark into the pages of the cheesy romance novel she's been indulging in and placed it on top of the table beside her.

The knock sounded again.

She unfolded herself from the cushy depths of her worn but well loved reading armchair and hurried to answer the door.

Rinoa stood before her, raven locks caught up into a messy knot and secured with a pen. A tiny smudge of ink marred one smooth cheekbone and in her hands were a huge stack of papers.

Quistis smiled at the sight. "Just finished marking?"   

Rinoa nodded. "Report on the old political system of Esthar. It's hell to correct." She peered past Quistis. "Am I interrupting anything?"

"Not at all." Quistis stepped aside and held open the door for the dark haired girl. "Come in."

Rinoa sailed past her. "I appreciate this Quistis."

"No problem." She gestured to the side table that stood beside her coat closet. "You can put your papers there. How about something to drink?"

Rinoa stacked the essays on the table and smiled gratefully. "Coffee would be great."             

A few minutes later had both girls sitting and sipping the scalding liquid.

Rinoa noticed the romance novel Quistis had been reading earlier. "Hey, I read that. What a stupid book. I wasted five Gil on that piece of junk."

Quistis rolled her eyes. "Believe me, I know. I can't stand Lily Rose Violet Chrysanthemum. She's a dumb sort, isn't she? And Wendell the Warrior, now there's a real character. The scene where he saved her from the herd of rampaging Geezards with only his quick wits and a beer can, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry."

Rinoa nodded in agreement as she blew on her coffee. "Squall wanted to arrest the author."

Quistis stared, boggled. "_Squall_ read that?" 

"Yeah I know." Rinoa laughed. "That's pretty much how I felt. When I finished it, he asked if he could borrow it. He said he wanted to see what had me so engrossed. He didn't know I just liked to read the cheesy sex scenes."

Quistis had a straight face. "You mean where 'he partook the flower of her femininity with his steel lance of love'?"

They looked at each other and burst into helpless giggles.

"I thought I was gonna _die_ when I read that!" Rinoa shakily set down her coffee cup upon the glass table before her. "Romance novels are so entertaining! I can't believe how badly written most of them are. Flower my ass!"

Quistis took a deep breath. "Well not everyone reads romances for the humour value." She gave Rinoa a grave look. "Some people actually take them _seriously_. They _like _them."

Rinoa's eyes widened. "Like who?"

"Dr. Kadowaki!"

They erupted into hysterical laughter again. 

"I'm glad that I can laugh like this with you," Rinoa managed after a while. She mopped at her eyes. "I figured you'd never get around to liking me."

Quistis adjusted her glasses. "Rin-"          

"No it's alright," Rinoa cut in, smiling to let Quistis know that she wasn't upset or anything. "I was kinda immature and naïve back then. I can see that clearly now."

"I was only hesitant because you weren't trained as we were," Quistis explained. "What we were doing was dangerous and if anything happened to you...you were a civilian."       

"Yeah I know. When you met my dad and he was all worried about me and stuff, you prolly thought I was really spoiled..." She tilted her head while fiddling with a stray piece of hair. "Maybe I was spoiled, I don't know. I just got so tired of being nothing more than the token daughter of a rich and illustrious General. All those fancy parties and being told what to say and how to act all the time...I didn't wanna end up marrying some rich guy and becoming a trophy wife. I wanted to _do_ something and make a difference, you know?"

"I understand," Quistis replied gently. "There's nothing wrong with wanting to live your own life."

Rinoa grinned as she picked up her coffee mug. "I never thought I'd end up as an instructor though. Or that I'd _like_ it."

"You have a passion for Political Science and I've heard that you make quite a good teacher." Quistis paused to push up her glasses. "As I understand it, your elusive boyfriend is quite proud of you."

"Really?" Rinoa blinked, a soft flush spilling onto her cheeks. She stared into her cup. "Um...how did..."

Quistis raised an eyebrow. "Are you blushing?"

"Yeah right!" Rinoa scoffed before ducking her head sheepishly. "Okay so I am. Did Squall really...er you know, say that?"

"That he was proud of you?" Quistis nodded. "Yep. You make him happy or as happy as Squall can get anyways."

"It's kinda strange," Rinoa mused, leaning back against the sofa. "I always figured that if Squall actually went for me, I'd be able to change him. Maybe he'd be a bit more open and talkative and stuff. But he's pretty much the same and I'm the one who's changed."

"Not in a bad way," Quistis assured her. "You're more mature and independent."

"Yeah, I guess." She took a deep drink of her coffee. "I guess I know now that just because we don't talk about every single thing doesn't mean there's anything wrong in our relationship. I used to worry a lot. I mean, if I didn't know what Squall was thinking, then how would I know if we were having any problems or whatever? But if there's something wrong, he tells me so I don't worry. I guess sometimes things just work out."

That surprised Quistis. "He does?"          

"I'm not the only one who's changed." Rinoa smiled a dreamy sort of smile. "At night, sometimes he'll just talk. He'll tell me about the orphanage or Ellone or...just things."

"That's so sweet." Quistis was happy for the dark haired girl. She and Rinoa had formed a solid friendship over the past few months and she genuinely wished the best for her and Squall. "Next thing you know, he'll being saving you from a rampaging herd of Geezards."

Rinoa looked affronted. "Hey, even I can handle a bunch of Geezards! After that damn Griever, anything's a piece of cake!"

Quistis shook her head. "He had one hell of a Shockwave Pulsar."

"Yeah he did."

There was a silence as both girls were drawn in memories of that time.

Rinoa shook herself from her daze. "Actually I came here for a reason, Quisty."

"Oh?"

"I have a favor to ask you and I'm not sure how you'll react."

Quistis was wary. "Alright."

"I'm worried." Rinoa chewed on her bottom lip as she tried to articulate her thoughts. "Lately I've been having awful nightmares and...premonitions I guess you could call it. Something...something's...I think there's something wrong." She absently wiped at her face and frowned. "I don't know how to describe it other then what I feel now is nearly identical to what I felt when we entered Lunatic Pandora and then Ultimecia's Castle. There's uncertainty and fear and dread."

Quistis studied her. "What's Squall said about all this?"

"I haven't told him."

"You haven't told him?" Quistis was stunned. "Why not? I'd have thought he'd be the first person you'd speak to."

"I _can't_ tell him," Rinoa said. "At least not yet."

"I don't understand."

Rinoa finished her coffee before setting the cup aside. She gave the older girl her full attention. "I got an e-mail from Fujin today, did I tell you that? She wanted me to talk dad into letting her know where Seifer is."      

Quistis frowned. "You didn't, did you?"

"I know Fujin doesn't like me but I like her and I trust her." She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear before continuing. "She cares a lot about Seifer and I do too. So I told dad to trust her and let Zell and Selphie and Irvine know about it. He did."

"So where is Seifer?"

"Inside the Unknown King's Tomb. I didn't think that much about it until Squall told me that he talked to Zell this morning and gave him a monster eradication mission inside the Tomb." She shuddered. "And I got the worst feeling then. It was just...I don't know. I was _cold_ all of a sudden."

"You don't think Seifer's _hurting_ anyone, do you?"

"I don't know!" Rinoa clenched her eyes shut briefly. "Something's either happening or going to happen, I can feel it. And whatever it is, they're keeping it quiet to Squall. But I have to know. If it's something important, if I can help...I'm a sorceress afterall..."

"This sounds bad. So you want me to cover for you while you go check it out?" Quistis took off her glasses and rubbed at her nose.

Rinoa shook her head. "Squall might be tempted to come with me. I thought that maybe, if you wouldn't-"

"You want _me_ to go to Deling City."

"Would you?" Rinoa sighed. "I have this instinct that's telling me something awful's gonna crop up and I can't talk to Squall about it...and if it concerns Seifer, well you know Squall..."

"I don't trust Seifer either," Quistis declared firmly. "If he's involved, I won't be lenient."

"I know. I'm not going to ask you to be fair because I know you always are." Rinoa leaned forward and touched Quistis' arm gently. "This mean a lot to me Quisty."

Quistis patted her hand. "I'll check it out. In the meantime, what about contacting Matron? She'll know a lot about what the premonitions of a sorceress means and how to deal with them."

Rinoa nodded. "I haven't been able to get through to her. She's heavily involved in restoration efforts and I didn't want to leave a message. Squall always hears about this kinda stuff."

"Alright. I'll help you then." She stood up. "We can head into my office if you'd like."

"Thanks Quistis. I really owe you for this." 

     

~*~*~*~*~*~

Zell leaned against the bathroom door of Fujin's hotel room and tried hard not to hyperventilate.

He had kissed Seifer. He had _kissed_ Seifer. He had kissed _Seifer._ On the _mouth_ he had-

"Oh shut up," he snapped, rubbing at his head.

Zell could still feel Seifer's mouth against his own.

Did this mean he was gay?

Well even _that_ he could deal with. It was Seifer that was the problem. Being attracted to him, that was just _wrong_. That was just _weird_. That was just _stupid._

What was the point of all this drama? He _hated_ Seifer, always had and always would.

It was just too bad Seifer had a reallynice mouth. Little on the chapped side, but still nice and full and soft.

Zell groaned loudly. "I didn't just think that."

It was a mistake. It wasn't as though Zell was known for his cautious ways during high stress situations. He did what he did on the spur of the moment. That was possible. Lots of people did things they usually never would do during a crisis. So he was a bit reckless. It wasn't a crime, being reckless. And no one _knew_ he did it. It wasn't like Fujin had come in on him swapping saliva with Seifer.

"It was an accident," Zell told himself. He began to pace. "Everyone makes mistakes. I'm not gonna do it _again_ or anything."

So how come he didn't feel relieved?

Sighing loudly, he glanced at the clock. Fujin had only been gone two minutes so far. She had gone to see if Selphie and Irvine were around as well as bring up provisions. Zell would have rather gone but Fujin had insisted that he stay, being as his gloves seemed to have a calming effect on Seifer.

He hesitated for a moment before approaching the bed. Fujin had shoved Seifer under a mountain of blankets so that only his face was visible. Strangely enough, the older boy looked peaceful, his long lashes curving down to rest upon high cheekbones.

Zell peered down at Seifer, scrutinizing him.

It wasn't like Seifer was attractive or anything. There wasn't anything on his face that would make Zell want to kiss him. If anything, Seifer's face was sharp, too thin and his mouth was a nasty scarlet color. While his eyes were nice, a striking color framed by thick eyelashes, it was hardly enough to get _amorous_ over_._ Besides, having nice eyes was pure _fact_, not his _opinion _or anything.

To sum it up, Seifer wasn't attractive in the least.

Well not _that_ attractive anyways. Or not, just for the sake of comparison, as attractive as before Ultimecia. Then Seifer was _quite_ attractive. Not that he was ugly or anything now. He was still attractive and even when sleeping he looked pretty good. Well better then good really. In fact, to be honest...

"Oh fuck it," Zell grumbled, quelling the urge to punch something.

His jumbled thoughts were leading him into circles and he couldn't figure out if he thought Seifer _was_ or _wasn't_ attractive. And if, on the off chance just to be sure, he did find Seifer attractive...

Well there was nothing wrong with liking someone's appearance, his mind quickly justified. Lots of people were good looking. He was just appreciative, that's all. It w wasn't like Seifer's looks were _enticing_ or anything. He didn't want to_ do _anything with Seifer.

Except kiss.

"No, that's not what I meant!" 

His mind was fucking him up! 

What the hell was going on? Zell most assuredly hadn't kissed Seifer because he was attractive! He had done it to save Seifer's life dammit! It had been an unconscious, mechanical, innate _reflex_, like running to the cafeteria for hot dogs in the morning. It meant nothing, that was for sure.

Damn Seifer, it was all his fault. He may have been different but he was still making Zell's life one big, miserable fuck up.

Zell sulked and scowled down at the unconscious boy before promptly gaping.

A splash of glinting liquid was welling up on flickering lashes.

Zell's eyes widened as he watched the trail of crystalline tears spilling down gaunt cheeks.

Was Seifer_ crying_. 

An unexpected wave of sympathy and ire shifted and swelled up inside Zell. Maybe Seifer was an asshole and maybe he had deserved some of the things that had befallen him but enough was enough. What the hell was Ultimecia doing to him? This was past possession; she was leading Seifer to his breaking point.

Zell sat down beside on the bed and before he knew it, found himself clumsily wiping tears away. "Seifer?"

Gloved hands curved around high cheeks. Zell moved closer, shoving all thoughts and demanding questions from him mind. He didn't want to think about anything, didn't want to leave this moment because... 

No thinking.

His heartbeat began to race while his fingers shook. Air intake was a struggle. His stomach tightened and coiled with both fear and anticipation.

He was close...

And in theory everything was simple. It was easy to lie but now that he was here, trapped in a moment, he really couldn't lie.

Kissing Seifer had been delicious.

And it had already happened once and no one knew and if he made another mistake and maybe it really could help Seifer and if he promised never to do-

The door knob clicked.

Zell jumped off the bed so fast it was as though Haste had been cast upon him. He stumbled over Fujin's tattered bookbag before losing his balance entirely and falling smack on his ass. Hard.

Fujin stalked into the room and gave him a look of utmost disgust. 

Selphie was right behind her and at least she had the grace to look concerned. "You okay Zell?"

"Fine." Zell painfully propelled himself from the floor and withstood the urge to rub at his bruised butt. "You guys just startled me."

Fujin sat down beside Seifer. "SAME?"

"Yeah pretty much," Zell reported, gingerly easing himself down onto an armchair across from the bed. He pointedly _didn't_  think about what he'd almost just done, _again_. "I think he's dreaming again. His eyelashes are flickering."

Selphie frowned as she perched at the foot of the bed. "You think it's Ultimecia again?"

Zell shrugged. "Could be. I'm no expert."

"Tell me what happened when you touched him," Selphie requested, turning her gaze from Seifer to him. "Fujin said you felt her presence."

For the second time, Zell launched into describing what had happened inside the Tomb.

Selphie tugged at her hair, studying him when he'd finished. "That's really crazy Zell," she finally said.

"No shit."

She looked back at Seifer. "Poor Seifer. He doesn't deserve any of this."

"NO," Fujin agreed, her fisted hands resting upon her lap. "UNDESERVING. ENOUGH."

"I couldn't feel anything with my gloves on," Zell offered, examining his gloves for the umpteenth time. "Seifer said he couldn't feel her when I touched him."

"UPGRADE?"

Zell nodded. "Ehrgeiz is a final modification." 

"ITEMS?" 

"An Adamantine, a Fury Fragment and four Dragon Skins."

"Fury Fragments are really strong," Selphie remarked thoughtfully. "But I don't think they're capable of blocking out a sorceress as powerful as Ultimecia."

"Yeah well..." Entirely too restless, Zell bounded to his feet and began to shadowbox. "So what'd Matron say? And where'd that damn jerk off Irvine disappear to?"

"BASTARD."

Zell spun towards her. "Say what?!"

"She's talking about Irvine not you," Selphie quickly clarified before any type of situation could escalate. "He's back in our room waiting for Matron's second letter. Matron said that she'd talk to Laguna and then get back to us with further instructions."

"So what do we do in the meantime?" Zell punched rapidly, ducking and blocking. "I don't think I can handle any more of this sitting around and waiting crap."

Fujin snorted loudly. "SHOWS."               

"Matron said lots of stuff," Selphie cut in. "Mostly she said that when Seifer wakes up, we should keep his mind off painful stuff and just hang out with him. She says that he should keep his GFs junctioned during the night so that Ultimecia's presence won't be so concentrated. Oh and when he needs to sleep, we're supposed to cast, like Triple Sleep. I guess when he's under magic she can't hurt him that much or something. I dunno."

"So how're we gonna get rid of her?" Zell demanded. "Matron knows what she's doing, right?"

"She said she's still doing research." Selphie swung her legs. "She'll help Seifer. She cares for him a lot. She'll know what to do."

"WAKING," Fujin exclaimed, leaning towards Seifer. She actually looked _excited_. 

Zell vaulted over and sure enough, Seifer was stirring.

Selphie sprang to her feet and grabbed Zell's arm. "We'll give you a few minutes of privacy, Fujin. You and Seifer should talk."

"Yeah but-"

"Zell come on!"

Fujin nodded, her eyes trained on the waking blond. "THANK YOU."

"If anything happens, we'll be up in our hotel room," Selphie declared, plowing Zell to the door . "Phone us right away."

"WILL."

Zell cast one last look over his shoulder at Seifer before Selphie shoved him through the door. Disappointment was abscessing over him because, if he was honest with himself, a part of him wanted Seifer to wake onto _him_ and see _him_ first.

"Dincht, you're goddamn fool," he told himself bitterly. 

  

~*~*~*~*~*~

Irvine paced back and forth across the hotel room, his leather coat swishing romantically around him. Damn shame there wasn't anyone around to appreciate the view, namingly a bouncy little brunette that had him wrapped around her finger and didn't even know it.

The things he would do for her.

He was going against everything he believed in as a SeeD to become embroiled in this stupid 'save Seifer' mission she had going on. And somehow, she'd managed to convince Zell that this was the right thing to do. _Zell_, of all people, who hated Seifer. True, Zell was a forgiving type and Selphie _had_ said that Seifer had apologized to him but still. Zell _really_ hated Seifer. All the years of being bullied and picked on...

Maybe Seifer actually was in bad shape.

Irvine didn't like that Selphie was so involved. He knew that Selphie was more than capable of taking care of herself but he still couldn't help worrying. No, it was better to help Seifer despite his initial misgivings and protect Selphie then stand around and let her get hurt. If anything happened to her, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself. It just wouldn't be possible.

And besides, he did trust her. She was smart and compassionate. It was Seifer and Ultimecia that he didn't trust.

"Shit," he muttered, looping around the sitting area. 

He really did have it _bad_.

It was a few minutes later when Selphie bounced into the room, following by a fiercely frowning Zell.

"Seifer's awake!" she announced, tossing off her shoes. "Isn't that great news?"

Irvine could think of greater news than that but kept his mouth shut. He nodded and smiled at her.

Zell appeared to be in a pissy mood. He flung himself onto his bed and scowled. "So the great cowboy decides to make an appearance, eh?"

Irvine couldn't resist, a pissed off Zell was too good to pass up. "Ooooh, I didn't know you thought I was great." He chucked Zell under the chin. "You're so cute when you sulk."

Zell jerked away. "I'm not sulking!"

Selphie was immediately interested. She loved the idea of two guys together. "The sexual tension rises as the attraction cannot be denied! Both guys are flailing-"

"I'm not attracted to anyone!" Zell snapped, crossing his arms over his chest.

Irvine sank down beside Zell with a cat-like motion. "A passionate refusal," he pointed out in husky tones. He traced a finger over Zell's tattoo. "Finally found someone Zelly?"

"Piss off," the blond growled, shoving Irvine's hand away.

Selphie sprang down on Zell's other side. "Did you meet someone today and not tell me?"

"NO!"              

"Oh." Selphie looked disappointed for a moment before brightening. "Did you meet someone yesterday and not tell me?"

"I didn't meet anyone!" Zell glared at both of them. "I wanna read Matron's letter."

"It's over there," Selphie said, pointing to the tiny sitting room at the far end of the room.

Zell continued to glower at them as he jolted off the bed.

Selphie scooted over beside Irvine. "I think Zell's got love problems," she whispered.

"I'll keep an eye on him," Irvine promised. "He needs a lady."

"Or a guy," Selphie interjected, beaming.

Irvine rolled his eyes. The girl was obsessed with gay guys. "Or a guy."

Zell came over to them, Matron's letter in his hand. "I think I'm gonna go send Matron another dispatch. She should know about what happened when I touched Seifer and my gloves and all that."           

"What _did_ happen anyways? I couldn't get much outta Fujin but then again she's pissed off at me."

"Why don't I go send it?" Selphie offered, jumping to her feet. "I wanna send Rinoa a dispatch too. I think she deserves to know what's going on."

"But she'll tell Squall," Zell burst out, looking worried. 

"No she won't," Selphie assured him as she put on her shoes. "She's as concerned about Seifer as we are. And besides, when the times comes, she'll be able to convince Squall that what we're doing is right."

"I don't really see the point of hiding anything from Squall," Irvine said thoughtfully. "I don't think he hates Seifer. And with the threat of Ultimecia how can he get pissed off? We're doing our job."

Selphie gave him a melting, glowing look. "That's what I think too! But I'll let Rinoa handle it. Anything else I should know, Zell?"

Zell could feel his face heat up as he thought about the kiss. He quickly looked away. "Not really. You know everything."

"Okay then, I'm off!" She waved cheerfully and slipped out the door.

"Oh get that dumb look off your face," Zell ordered rolling his eyes. "You look like such a retard."

Irvine sighed deeply and dramatically. "I can't help it," he announced. "I'm a man in love."

Zell looked disgustedly amused as he plopped down beside the cowboy. "You're a real dumbass, you know that?"

"You say the sweetest things," Irvine murmured, winking at the blond. "But I'm already taken."

"Doesn't look that way to me," Zell observed, snickering. "Face it Lone Ranger, Selphie's just not interested."

"She will be," Irvine declared. He frowned. "I just need a plan. I hafta do something so that she'll know that she's the only one for me."

"Give her some candy," Zell advised. "She loves candy. She eats it all the time."

"She eats everything all the time." Irvine ruffled Zell's hair. "No offense kiddo but I'd rather do without your suggestions. You're no expert at love."

"I hate when you call me kiddo," Zell grumbled. "We're the same friggin' age."

"Except you're ten times cuter." Irvine squeezed one of Zell's cheeks. "If I was into dudes, I eat you right up!"

"Ow, fuck off Irvine!"

Irvine grinned wickedly. "So here's what I wanna know Zelly. What were you doing touching Seifer anyways? See something you like?"

Obviously, he'd hit the bull's eye. Blood scalded the blond's face, making him approximately the same color as a Furious Belhelmel.

"What are you talkin' about?" Zell sputtered, looking horrified

Irvine gave Zell the _look_. "You know what I'm talking about."   

"You don't even know what happened!"

"So fill me in, lover boy."

"Don't call me that!" Zell struggled vainly to stop blushing. "I was just...checking for fever."

Irvine snorted. "Since when do you care that Seifer's sick?"

"Since he apologized to me!" Zell fiddled with his gloves. "He really did, you know. He's different now. He's all weak and tired and stuff. He lives inside the Tomb so that he can kill all monsters and atone for his sins. Does that sound like the Seifer we know?"

Irvine gave him a searching look. "Well I don't really know Seifer, Zell."

"Oh yeah." Zell poked at the carpet with his foot. "Well just trust me, he's different. And it's in a weird way. You wanna know what he said to me? He said he _owed_ me. For real!"

"So tell me exactly what happened in the Tomb, both times. I got Selphie's version but not yours. And this cold touch thing, what was that all about?"

Zell groaned before beginning to recount the whole story, starting with Squall's phone call in the morning.

"So how'd Fujin get to the Tomb?" Irvine asked when Zell finished his narration. "I followed her from General Caraway's and we went to rent a car together but they only had this piece of crap left."

"She stole some guy's car." Zell had to grin. "She might be a psycho but she's got style."

"A fucked up style," Irvine muttered. "The girl's on drugs."

"I never thought I'd be saying this but she's not that bad." Zell shrugged. He and Fujin had formed a tentative truce in hustling Seifer from the Tomb and back to Deling City. At least she hadn't gotten violent on him. "She's totally worried about Seifer."

"I'm just glad they're close by so we can keep an eye on both of them."

"You don't think that they're gonna-"

"It never hurts to be prepared," Irvine interrupted. "I don't want anything to happen to Selphie."

"You really love her, don't you?"

"Yeah." He sighed and leaned back against the headboard of the bed. "It'll come though. I'm not about to give up." He arched an eyebrow as he looked over at Zell. "So how do you feel about being the only one who can touch Seifer?"

Yet again, Zell felt his face heat up. "Why d'ya gotta say it in such a pervy way? I'm not _doing_ anything to him!"

"You're on the defensive," Irvine observed, smirking. "Don't tell me you actually did do something."

"Shut up," Zell snarled, hiding his embarrassment behind anger. "Besides, anyone can touch him. It's only when, you know, _she's_ around that you can't. Just stop being such a damn lech!"

Irvine made a great production of shaking his head and giving Zell pitying looks. "I've never seen anyone who needs to get laid as bad as you do."

"Oh fuck off!" 

  

~*~*~*~*~*~

Fujin gently touched Seifer's blanket-laden arm and murmured his name.

Closed eyes flickered for a couple of seconds before opening. They quickly clenched shut and opened once more, before turning to rest upon Fujin.

Seconds or an eternity, neither could be certain which, lapsed as they stared at each other for the first time in roughly six months.

"HI," she whispered around the lump that was throbbing in the base of her throat. Her eyes stung as she regarded the state her oldest friend was in.

His swallowed thickly, his voice hoarse. "Fujin."

How long had it been since she'd last heard his voice? His gaunt features, his tired eyes...her heart heaved and it was with great horror she realized that Seifer suddenly was blurry and her eye was moist. Could it...was she...but she never... 

Seifer pulled out his arm from beneath the blankets and gently touched her face. He wiped at her wet cheek. "I'm not worth these, Fujin. You should know that."

She clutched at his hand, holding it against her cheek with cold fingers. "MISS YOU ," she choked out, silently commanding the tears to stop.

Inside his eyes, there was an aching happiness. "I never thought I'd see you again."

"LOVE YOU," she confessed, her other hand coming up to brush against his lips.

"Fujin..." He shook his head dolefully. "You shouldn't have come."

"PAIN," she replied, blinking fiercely. "STOP."

"It's not for you to-"

"PLEASE." When had she ever asked him for anything? She just wanted to make things right. "LET..." She looked at him with beseeching eyes, striving to put into her gaze what she could not in words.

He understood, taking her hand and briefly squeezing it. "Where am I?"

"HOTEL. DELING."

"How did you know I was here?"

She stared down as her hands. "FEELING. KNEW."

He laughed and it sounded rusty, as though rarely used. "You always did have one helluva sixth sense."

"FOR YOU," she murmured.

"Fujin, is..." A frown wrinkled his brow. "...is Zell here? I remember him before I passed out."

She nodded. "LEFT. EDEA LETTER..."

"He was good to me," Seifer whispered, as though talking to himself.

"SELPHIE, ZELL HELP. SURPRISED."

"Me too. I owe them both." He reached out to brush a lock of hair from her eyes. "And you too. I don't think I can ever repay you."

"UNNEEDED," she grated out. "FRIENDS...FAMILY."

He held her gaze. "I could have loved you, Fujin."

She smiled, knowing it was untrue. As friends he loved her but anything more wasn't possible. She'd realized that a long time ago and it had been with real regret. She would have loved to love him but she couldn't give him what he wanted. Even Rinoa hadn't been able to, though she'd tried. Seifer was holding out for someone special, someone made only for him and they both knew it. What he wanted, both her and Rinoa didn't know. They only knew that they weren't it. Maybe even Seifer didn't know what he wanted, but he had held out, waiting and trusting. Seifer was secretly a romantic, that much she knew. He'd had so many dreams, so many plans and all of them had been destroyed. Now his faith was gone and he was no longer waiting. He no longer trusted.

But it was okay because Fujin had no intention of letting Seifer waste away any longer. Even if she could make one dream a reality...maybe it would be enough.

"KNOW." She kissed his cheek and smiled. "THIRSTY? HUNGRY?"

He returned her smile. "Water if you have some."

She left his side and found inside the room's fridge a few bottles of Trabia Mountain Mineral Water. She poured the mineral water into a glass and returned to the bed.

Seifer was sitting up. "You're the best," he told her, accepting the glass. "I've really missed you."

"KNOW," she repeated, sitting near his legs. "SAME."

"I kinda wish Raijin was around," he remarked wistfully. "I even miss him."

"MISSION," she informed him, smiling. "TIMBER."

Seifer finished his water and put the glass aside. "Maybe I'll get to see him too." He looked at her gravely. "I'm only staying here because I'm a threat with Ultimecia still kickin' around. Once she's gone I've gotta go back."

"UNDERSTAND," Fujin agreed, secretly having no intention of letting him go back. "WALK?"

He hesitated before nodding. "That'd be nice."

"SHOWER?"

Seifer grinned his old grin. "That'd be _really_ nice."

"COME."        

He was strong enough to get out of bed so she set around ordering room service.

Seifer closed the bathroom door and looked at himself in the mirror. The lights were buttery and bright, hiding nothing. He didn't look so hot and judging the current shape of his mouth, he needed some chap stick bad.

Touching his mouth, he frowned as an odd feeling washed over him. Was he forgetting something? Had something happened when he'd been under?

"Fuck," he muttered, beginning to remove his clothes.

At the moment there wasn't a whole lot that made sense, least of all Zell. Selphie he could understand but Zell? He'd made his life _hell_ and still he was around, all concerned and shit. Why bother? What Zell was doing was beyond the call of SeeD duty.

Stepping under the shower's spray, he shuddered at the long forgotten feeling of having a hot shower.

Before Ultimecia had completely taken him, Zell had done something which, for a few moments, had thrust her away. He hadn't been able to feel her at all and the feeling was vastly different from when Zell had touched him with his gloves. That had only pushed Ultimecia further back into his mind but this, whatever Zell had done, had forced Ultimecia to leave. For those brief moments, he had been _himself_ again, blissfully free.

As wrong as it was, especially after all the rotten things he'd done to Zell, he was able to admit to himself that he _needed_ Zell.


	12. Passion's Aura

Chapter XI : Passion's Aura

_The room was lit with only a couple of candles that burned softly beside the enormous, canopied bed. The balcony was open and a cool breeze whipped at the diaphanous curtains before snaking about the lavish bedchamber. Footsteps beat upon the granite floor tiles of the hallway before the double Mahogany doors spread open. Seifer stalked into the room, looking arrogant, jaded and dangerous. He was the Seifer of old._

_Warily, Zell took a step back. "What are you doing here?"_

_The doors snapped shut behind the tall blond. "I think you know chicken wuss."_

_The irritation was instantaneous. "Don't call me that!"_

_Seifer folded his arms across his chest and stared impassively at Zell. "Why the hell not? You're good at wussing out."_

_Zell scowled. "What the fuck does that mean?"_

_One sardonic brow arched. "Getting pissy are ya? What's the matter, not happy to see me?"               _

_Gloved hands fisted. "I'm never happy to see you, asshole!"_

_Seifer smirked. "Didn't seem that way when you were sucking my face."_

_Zell's mouth dropped open, his heartbeat rapidly accelerating. He blushed deeply. How...how had Seifer...he knew...oh shits..._

_"Surprised? Worried?" His footsteps were strident as Seifer indolently began to breach the distance between them. "Pleased?"_

_Zell was moving backwards before he knew it. "Don't...don't flatter yourself!"_

_"I don't think I need to, not when you're around." Seifer stopped a few feet away from Zell and caught his gaze with a smoky, haughty one of his own. "You want me."_

_Horror puddled around Zell. "I do not! You sick bastard, I can't stand you!"_

_"Too goddamn bad, candy ass." Seifer leered at him while beginning to unfasten the ties that held closed his trench coat. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard your ass is gonna be screaming my name for days."_

_Zell swallowed, his throat suddenly parched. "You come near me and I'll kill you," he threatened in as grim a voice he could muster. "I swear to God I will!"_

_"You couldn't do it before, chicken wuss." With a heavy swoop, Seifer's trench coat fell to the floor. "I can read you like a fucking book. You want me, in *all* ways. I turn you on. Admit it."_

_Seifer's arrogance scraped against him and sparked boiling anger. "Go fuck yourself, jerkass! Leave me the fuck alone!"_

_Seifer was swift. In one fluid move he had Zell bent back over a lavish center table, his hands gathered above his head, secured in long fingers. "There's definitely gonna be fucking tonight." Seifer's mouth moved against Zell's ear, sending dreaded, delicious little shivers straight into Zell's stomach._ _"Me inside you. I'm gonna do you raw."_

_Zell gasped, squirming. His words, as twisted and wrong as they were, were making Zell heady and lightheaded. To his horrified shame, he could feel his body responding to Seifer's extreme proximity. "Get off me you fucking perv!"_

_Seifer shifted his hips to press roughly upon Zell. "I don't think so, candy ass." He ground himself against the hardened, writhing heat that was Zell. Seifer's mouth scribbled against tattooed flesh, stroking and caressing. "I make you hard."_

_Zell bit back a moan as a shudder wracked through his body. He didn't want this! This was perverse and immoral and just so damn wrong! He thrust against Seifer, harder than he'd ever been in his entire life. Too bad his body didn't give a shit to what his mind was screaming. _

_Seifer smirked, his eyes smoldering with the triumph of conquest. He crammed his mouth onto Zell's, wasting no time in making the kiss juicy and tongued. Zell gasped with scorching pleasure as Seifer's tongue explored his mouth with drenched licks. He couldn't help himself from responding, from kissing the older boy in return._

_They ate at each other and passion grew thick, concentrated as Seifer slid his free hand into Zell's shorts._

_"Oh fuck," Zell panted tearing his mouth away and clenching his eyes shut. It felt so good, so hot, that it was altogether too easy to ignore reason and give in to this searing desire._

_Sensual lips brushing teasingly against his neck. "Tell me what you want chicken wuss... Zell."_

_Zell groaned at the sound of his name falling from Seifer's mouth. "I..."_

_"You..." Seifer mocked, squeezing his hand around rigid flesh and stroking faster. "Don't wuss out on me now, chicken!"_

_"I want you," Zell managed, shame and lust entwining into one overwhelming sensation. His hips arched into Seifer's hand._

_"Want me for what?" Seifer let go off Zell's wrists and shoved his hand into spiky blond locks. "Lemme hear you say it."       _

_To hell with it._

_"Asshole," Zell swore, grabbing at Seifer's shoulders and pulling him down. "Do me, you prick!"_

_Seifer kissed him again, deep and rough. Constricting clothes were yanked at before they managed to discard them. And then they were on the huge bed and Seifer was fucking him raw as promised, huge and thick inside Zell. He couldn't distinguish his cries from Seifer's, couldn't feel where his body ended and Seifer's began. Seifer jerked him off in time with his thrusts and it was altogether too luscious for words. _

  

~*~*~*~*~*~

Irvine, a light sleeper by nature, woke the minute Selphie softly padded past his bed and out onto the balcony. He glanced over at Zell who was sleeping with his blankets over his head, snoring softly, before sliding out of bed.

He couldn't pass up this opportunity.

Stealthily Irvine crossed the room and slipped onto the balcony. The night was warm and Selphie was looking adorable in her blue Cactaur print tank top and pajama pants. 

"Can't sleep?" 

She jumped, her hair bouncing. "Geeze you scared the hell outta me!" Turning, she saw that Irvine was dressed only in loose, black pajama bottoms. She blushed brightly in the moonlight. "I didn't mean to wake you," she assured, hastily looking away.

He came to stand beside her. "I couldn't sleep," he replied, which was a blatant lie. He'd been sleeping and dreaming just fine but obviously neither held a candle to conversing with the _real_ Selphie. 

"Oh." She drummed her fingers upon the iron wrought balcony railing and stared up at the starry sky. "It's such a clear night tonight, huh? Makes me wish I knew stuff about the stars and constellations. Even the moon's full."

Irvine too wished he knew enough to tell her about the night sky. He wanted to put his hand over hers, tell her how beautiful she was to him and kiss her underneath the starlight. Instead, he studied the luminous moon. "You know what they say about a full moon, right?"

Selphie blinked at him. "That monsters came to Tear's Point from there?"

"Well, that too." He shifted a bit closer to her. "But I was gonna say that if you search into a full moon's aura, your deepest wish will come true."

Selphie frowned. "I've never heard that one before."              

"It's an old Centra City legend."

She examined the moon. "Well I'm searching. Now what?"

"Make your wish."

"Cool." She jumped a bit, grinning. "I wish for world peace to last and better cafeteria food and Ultimecia to finally be outta the picture!"

Irvine smiled at her exuberance. "We could all do with better cafeteria food."           

"I'll say!" She turned bright eyes upon him. "How 'bout you? What's your wish?"

The words spilled out before he could think and stop them. "You."

Selphie stared at him, her eyes widened. "What?" 

Well the damage was done. There was nothing left to do but follow through. He stepped towards her and wrapped his arm around her waist, bringing her body into contact with his. She fit against him like she was made for him. "I wish for you," he murmured throatily.    

"Irvine..."

"I love how you say my name," he drawled out, cupping her smooth cheek.

She swallowed, her eyes huge and incandescent. "I don't think you should-"

The protests would come, that he knew and since they were inevitable, he did what he'd been aching to do for so very long.

He kissed Selphie.

She stood frozen, though her lips parted in silent surprise, allowing him access to her mouth. She tasted of things sweet, candy and berries and sugar. He tightened his grip around her waist, his other hand curving against the back of her head.

Selphie didn't try to pull away as he delved passionately into her mouth, teasing and tasting. Instead, her hands came up to clutch at his bare arms. With timid hesitation, she began to react to his kiss, her tongue shyly coming up to touch his.

Oh Lord.

He deepened the kiss, unable to carve restraint. This was what he'd been awaiting for. To hold Selphie in his arms and kiss her with everything he felt. It was perfect, this first kiss. She was perfect.

But perfect things never lasted.

All too soon the kiss ended as she pulled away, stumbling from his arms.

"We shouldn't have done that," she whispered in a shaky voice, her fingers coming up to touch moist, kiss-swollen lips.

No girl had ever looked as beautiful to him as she looked now.

"Maybe not darlin' but I can't regret it." He reached out to smooth away an errant lock of hair from her eyes. "I've been waiting for you for so long, Selphie."

"Irvine..." She titled her head away from him and moved backwards. "Don't do this. Please. I don't want to spoil our friendship."

He folded his arms across his chest. "You think we can't still be friends and something more? You think I'm gonna hurt you?"

"Not on purpose, of course not." She fiddled with the hem of her tank top. "But Irvine I can't bear..." She trailed off, flushing.

"What?" he asked even though he could pretty much fill it in.

_I can't bear the way you flirt with other people._

"Not now," she murmured. "It's late, we should sleep. In the morning-"

"Selphie." He caught hold of her chin and made her look at him. "I know what you think of me but I want you to know this; I've been waiting for you since you left the orphanage and I'll still wait." He touched her cheek gently, savoring the feel of her. "I've only ever been in one really serious relationship and she wasn't you. These women, I don't love them. You can believe me or not but it's the truth."

"You don't have to explain anything to me," she replied, scarlet staining her cheeks. 

Irvine let go of her. "No, I don't _have_ to."

Turning, he left the balcony. It was hard because he wanted nothing more than to kiss her again but she needed time to think. It was alright, he could wait.

~*~*~*~*~*~

And to think, the rest of the afternoon and in addition to the evening had gone particularly well. 

The three of them had stayed in their hotel room, in case Seifer needed Zell as well as waiting for Matron's second letter. They'd ordered a ton of room service, played games, chatted and watched a couple of cheesy movies on TV. In short, it was the sort of night that a vacation should be. Relaxing, friendly, fun. There'd been no angsting, no fretting, no worrying. It had been great and the minute Zell had hit the sack, he'd fallen fast asleep.

Then he'd gone along and ruined everything by dreaming _that_ dream.

As if reality wasn't enough of a psycho-bitch. As if _kissing_ Seifer in _real life_ wasn't bad enough. As if he needed the extra shit of realizing that he had the fucking hots for fucking Seifer!

He'd woken up with an erection that had actually _ached_ with lust and hadn't _that_ been something else. At first it was okay, trying to be quiet and figure out what the hell he'd dreamt of to give him such a damn painful boner. Ignorance is bliss and all that shit. Then he'd clued in to the voices and wouldn't you know that Selphie and Irvine were out on the balcony kissing like it was a lost art?

Damn them.

Their passionate interlude was enough to bring forth _his_ passionate interlude. The dream had slipped back into his mind, blaring its sordid dementia like a fucking foghorn. Seifer's words, his reactions, what had followed after, the brainless carnality of it all...

Zell had thrown on some clothes and was halfway down the Shopping District before he knew what was going on.

Well in all seriousness, it was _quite_ obvious to see what was going on. Someone had put a curse on him. Any fool could see that this all was the work of an angry Voodoo Priestess. That was the only explanation that made any sense because him and _Seifer_? Whatever, as Squall would say!

"Hahahaha," Zell laughed, scrambling past a nightclub that was blaring dance music so loud Laguna was probably having trouble sleeping. "Me and Seifer, whadda hoot. Whadda riot. Whadda a laugh an' a half!"

Yes, it surely was a laugh and a half. His subconscious was clearly under the influence of...well something sinister and it delighting in tormenting him. Because that disgusting dream was undoubtedly-

Fucking fine.

"No it wasn't," Zell snarled, stomping hard on the sidewalk. What the hell was wrong with his brain?

A scantily clad lady leaning against a streetlight leered at him. "Yes it was," she purred in throaty tones.

"Shut up, no it wasn't!"

Tearing asphalt like a deranged Creep, Zell soon came to realize that he was practically in the middle of the street, approaching the infamous Gateway. He slowed down and raked a hand through his hair. This was not going well.

So he'd had a dream of..._that _sort. It wasn't his fault. He couldn't help what he dreamed. It didn't mean anything and as he'd established earlier, sort of, he wasn't attracted to Seifer in the least. True Seifer _may_ be good looking but that didn't mean Zell wanted to do with him what the dream had suggested. In fact, if he hadn't been such a damn idiot and kissed Seifer for no good reason, then the stupid dream wouldn't have even happened!

Zell kicked a rock and plopped down onto the bench situated in front of the Deling City Public Park. He stared up at the gleaming Gateway, one nagging little thought souping up his mind.

If the dream honestly meant nothing to him then why was it still bothering him? Why the hell hadn't he just turned over and gone back to sleep instead of fleeing the scene like some lame-ass loser?

"I'm not attracted to him," Zell muttered, smashing his right fist into his left hand. "He doesn't turn me on and I don't want him! End of story!"

In a lifetime of dreams, what was one more? It meant nothing, it really did.

And besides, a dream like that was utter crap. Maybe he didn't have a lot, if any, sexual experience but when he did get around to doing it, he sure as shit wasn't gonna be passive about it. He wasn't gonna let Seifer initiate everything, he'd initiate stuff too! He'd already kissed Seifer first and if that asshole thought he was some submissive pansy just because of a dream and lack of experience well he better think again because Zell Dincht was nobody's bitch! In fact the more he-

"Zell?"

"Arghh!"

Zell was both astonished and horrified to see the object of his agonizing contemplations standing before him in the dim glow of the moonlight. Startled, he shot to his feet, lurched over a bit of uneven pavement and fell crashing onto his ass.

Oh the déjà vu of it all

"Ow shit!"

Seifer peered down at him with glinting eyes. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"I'm not scared," Zell mumbled, averting his eyes.

Why was fate so goddamn cruel to him? How in the hell was he supposed to _look_ at Seifer? Last he'd seen, Seifer was doing..._the deed_ to him. And they'd been naked and sweaty and moaning and hot and-

"You okay?"   

Zell blinked and realized what a damn basket case he was turning into. What retard sat on the friggin' sidewalk mooning over a sex dream while one of the participants was standing a friggin' foot away? What the friggin' hell was happening to him?

"Here." Seifer extended a bare hand out to him.

Zell reddened and without thought, placed his own ungloved hand into Seifer's. Oh fuck. Maybe it was the lingering remnants of the dream or maybe he was just that hard up for the older boy but Seifer's skin smoldered against him. A race of heated chills sizzled up his arm and puddled into his stomach, clenching. Zell gasped softly, feeling lightheaded as Seifer hauled him to his feet. 

There was a trace of amusement in Seifer's rich voice. "Still a klutz huh?"

Zell yanked his hand away and surreptitiously rubbed his hands against his shorts, trying to make the tingling feeling disappear. "Piss off," he grumbled, dropping back down onto the bench.

Seifer sat down next to him. "Hey, I didn't mean to make you mad. After everything you've done for me...I appreciate it."

Zell squirmed uneasily. He didn't want it to be like this! He wanted Seifer to be a jerkass and hate him, like in the days of old. Then there could be no justification for having sex dreams with Seifer in them and liking them!

"I saw you run past. What's going on? It's like two o'clock in the morning."

And now, not only was Seifer apologetic but he was also concerned. Just fucking great. What was he supposed to do now? Pine after Seifer just because he'd changed and Zell was the only one who could touch him while Ultimecia was gallivanting around?

The tall blond was looking at him expectantly, his eyes intense in the moonlight.

He really _did_ have nice eyes. 

"What're you doing up then?" Zell demanded waspishly, hastily glancing away.  

How had everything suddenly gotten complicated? Zell couldn't tell if he was pissed off at Seifer for being attractive when he shouldn't be and having such a _concentrated _touch or was he pissed off at himself for wanting to stare at Seifer and have him touch him again. It was too much to deal with, conversing with Seifer like they were best buds all the while he was fighting an attraction.

Because it was fucking _easy  _to pretend that he felt nothing when Seifer wasn't around. But with the older boy sitting beside him, within arm's reach...

Talk about rowing up Shit Creek without a damn paddle.

"Fujin and I spent the whole night talking and stuff," Seifer was saying, clearly oblivious to Zell's internal struggle. "She only just fell asleep a little while ago and I know I probably shouldn't be out here but I needed to get outside. Uncertainty I can handle but this security...I'm not used to it anymore."

Zell examined the dark, silent streets, careful to avoid looking at the older boy. "For now you're okay then. She's not gonna come around?"

"Usually I can feel her shifting before she comes to the front." He shrugged. "Who knows? She's sporadic."

"Oh." Zell leaned back against the bench before hurriedly leaning forward. He was all too aware of Seifer's presence and it was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore it. Unnerved, he blurted out the first thing that came to his mouth. "How can you stand her? That cold, it friggin' hurt!"

Genuine regret flashed in dark eyes. " You shouldn't have had to feel her, Zell."    

How was it that his name sounded so damn _provocative _coming from Seifer's mouth?

Zell snorted derisively, hiding his turbulent emotions behind irritation. "Why the hell not? You should be glad I felt her. You always hated me anyways."

There, he'd said it. Now Seifer would reply affirmatively and it'd be enough to squash this stupid crush right in the tracks. Then he could get back to hating Seifer in peace.

"I never hated you."

Zell scoffed to cover up the feeling of...what? Relief? Disappointment? Shock? "You're shittin' me. Why else would you pick on me and insult me all the time?"

Seifer actually looked _embarrassed_. He studied the dark, empty street. "I was...jealous."        

"Jealous? _Jealous_?!" Zell was flabbergasted. He literally had to struggle from letting his mouth hang open. "Of _me_?!"

"Everyone likes you." He shrugged, toying with the sleeves of his black trench coat. "You're easy to get along with."

"But..." Zell trailed off, stunned. He hadn't the slightest clue of what to say and that was rare. Usually the rush of words escaping from his mouth was nonstop. "I don't get it," he finally settled on.

"You were always nice and cute and stuff. That's why you got adopted first."

Cute. That brought a blush to his face and Zell was glad that it was dark. He poked at the sidewalk with his sneaker. "People would've liked you if you weren't such a nasty jerk all the time."

"I don't think so." The words were casual but a slight edge in Seifer's tone belied a long concealed hurt. "I had no talents or anything and the only thing I was good at was fighting. Who wants that? It was just easier to reject people before they rejected me."

Zell recalled his lunchtime conversation with Selphie and how she'd said that Rinoa thought Seifer had insecurity and low self-esteem issues. Looked like she was right. Who would have thought? "Seifer, it's not that-"

"Fuck it Zell." Blue eyes unexpectedly turned hard and the older boy looked like he used to, egotistical and cruel. "I shouldn't have brought up all this shit. I don't need your pity or your fictitious reassurances."

Responding purely to the arrogance in Seifer's voice, Zell didn't think, he just spoke. "Yeah, you just need my friggin' touch!"

Seifer's eyes narrowed as Zell belatedly came to understand what he'd just blurted out. 

_But in reality_, a tiny voice inside Zell chose that moment to say, _you want his touch even more than he needs yours._

"I never wanted to leave the Tomb. That was all your doing!" 

"SeeDs dispel sorceresses," Zell snapped, furious at Seifer and furious at himself. "And you've got one fucking up your head! You're a threat and I'm only doing my job. I _don't _give a rat's ass about you!"

"If I'm such a goddamn threat than why the fuck did you bring me here? The Tomb was fucking empty!" 

"You don't know anything!" Zell fisted his hands, a blistering rage engulfing him. "I'm trying to help you, asshole!"

Seifer's voice took on a quiet, deadly tone. "You wanna help me, chicken wuss? Then why don't you leave me the hell alone!" 

"You haven't changed at all! I was wrong about you, you're still the same conceited jerk!" Zell grit his teeth. "You expect everyone to bend over backwards for you! But the fact is, you asked _me_ to get rid of her!"

"Because I can't stand her!" Seifer rose swiftly and his face was swallowed by the night shadows. "Do you wanna hear me say it? Is that it? I can't fucking stand it! She's eating at me and it hurts because I can never be rid of her. I'm inseparable from her and inside I'm decaying!"

Decaying. That was surely how Ultimecia felt. Cold decay.

The animosity within Zell abruptly died. "Seifer-"

"I told you that I don't want your pity!"

"Well you have it," Zell snapped, scrambling to his feet. Fuck, the guy was so goddamn ungrateful! What the hell was his friggin' problem? "I felt her, alright? You don't hafta explain anything to me, I know!"

Seifer's temper matched Zell's. He moved into the younger boy's personal space, openly intimidating. "You know nothing, chicken wuss!"            

"I know tons of stuff, jerkass!" Zell refused to budge. "If you weren't drowning in friggin' self-pity you'd see that we're trying to help you!"

"Cut the fucking pop-psychology," Seifer snarled, taking another step towards Zell. "I don't need anything from you!"

Their conversation was going around in circles but both blonds were too irate to notice.

"You're just way too egotistical to see that I know what I'm doing!" Zell scowled up at Seifer. "I can make her go away and you can't and that just tears you up inside!"

"Your stupid modified gloves make her go away, not you!"

"You know shit, asshole!"

Zell was so utterly enraged, his vision was literally crimson. And yet again, because he was just no damn good at operating under emotional pressure and because he was, to quote his dear Ma, 'a hot-tempered, impulsive fool,' Zell did something that he would truly regret.

Blame stupidity, proximity, recklessness, the dream, Ultimecia, Chocobos, Aura Stones but the facts weren't about to change.

It was only to _show_ Seifer that he knew what he was doing. It was only to _prove_ that it wasn't just his gloves, it was him. He wasn't some lame-ass chicken wuss, he was strong and he could drive out a fucking sorceress! 

Zell grabbed Seifer by the front of his trench coat, leaned up and shoved his mouth onto the other boy's.

See, he could initiate fooling around!

Zell was aggressive, Seifer submissive with astonishment. Zell didn't waste anytime...this was for the dream and being an asshole and all the endless angsting! He lapped at Seifer's lips before thrusting his tongue into the older blond's mouth. He tasted even better than in the dream and Zell swirled his tongue around, licking and marking the walls of drenched flesh. And then Seifer's hands were enfolding around the smaller boy and he was responding to the kiss...dominating the kiss.

It was a kiss of incensed passion and jolting discovery. They knew each other but not like this, their touch and taste vaguely familiar and yet unmistakably untried and exotic. There was challenge even in this as they both fought to remain the aggressor.

Beyond them, in the shadows of the silent street, one scarlet eye watched with apparent shock and amazement before turning to slip away.


	13. Transient Duality

Chapter XIII : Transient Duality

Fujin pulled her blankets firmly around herself while staring up at the dark ceiling. She wondered when Seifer was going to come back.

For the entire night they'd talked, about old times and occurrences of late and everything else under the moon. It had been wonderful for she missed Seifer even more than she'd realized. Afterall, chatting it up with Raijin just wasn't on the same level. 

Then she'd awoken to find Seifer gone. A hundred different doubts had muddled her mind, most prominently the one insisting that he'd gone back to the sanctity of the Tomb. She'd made a frantic dash outside, searching and hoping and then, just in front of the Gateway, she'd spotted him. With Zell of all people. It'd been evident, even at a distance, that the two of them were arguing. The sight of Zell shouting up at Seifer had especially warmed her heart. She'd been about to go over and join in the Zell bashing, that being one of her favorite pastimes if the truth be known, when what spectacle had her eyes apparently _not_ deceived her with?

Zell kissing Seifer.

On the mouth.

For real, just like that.

And then, Seifer was kissing him back. That too was evident.

She'd gaped for a few minutes before leaving in a whirl of confusion. What was that all about? Could it be that Zell secretly had a crush on Seifer? Was there something more beneath all the insulting and quarrelling? If Seifer had ever had any feelings for Zell then he would've told her about it. But Zell, this was a mystery. And of course, how could she forget the frenzied way the little blond had acted inside the Tomb? For one who allegedly loathed Seifer, he was doing a pretty good job of acting concerned. He was going way past the call of SeeD duty in caring for Seifer. 

Something was afoot, that much was obvious. First thing in the morning, she'd find Zell and badger him for information. And maybe, to add to the injury, she'd recruit Selphie to help her. Everyone knew that Selphie could be damn annoying when scrounging around for hidden facts and love secrets.

Fujin was unable to keep from smirking.

Now _this_ was what a vacation was supposed to be like.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Fuck!" Seifer pulled away, his eyes huge. "Fuck, fuck, _fuck_!"

Now that their...uh _that_ was over...

Zell could feel the blood _surge_ into his face and he knew that he was prolly as red as his sneakers. Dammit, why'd Seifer hafta be such a damn fine kisser? Why couldn't he suck, suck as in 'to be sucky' and not suck _suck_ because he could definitely _suck_ and Zell knew this now from experience and not a dream-

"So _that's_ what you did," Seifer concluded slowly, raking a hand through his hair. "That's why, in the Tomb, it felt like she was honestly gone!"

Aw shits.

"You looked like you were gonna fucking die," Zell cried defensively, carefully _not_ looking at the tall blond. "I didn't know what to do!"

"And you thought _kissing_ was gonna help?" Seifer shook his head. "I thought you didn't like me. You know, 'cause I'm such a jerkass and a bastard and all that shit."

Zell's face was scalding. "Don't wise off at me! You oughta be glad that I did...that!"

Seifer looked amused. "So what you're trying to tell me is that you knew what you were doing, is that it?"               

Zell couldn't believe he ever thought Seifer had changed! Ultimecia or not, the guy was still as much of an asshole as he'd ever been and Zell wanted nothing more than to wipe off that smug smirk for good! Seifer had some friggin' nerve, after all he'd done for him! "You're damn right I did!"

"Well..." Seifer shrugged. "I'm glad, I guess."

Zell's mouth dropped. "Wha'?!"

"I said I'm glad." Seifer took a step towards Zell and scrutinized him as though he was seeing the younger boy for the first time. "I don't know what it is about you but when you...you know, I couldn't feel her _at all_. It was more than when you touched me with your gloves, it was like she wasn't even in me. You explain that."

"Uh..." Zell floundered for a moment before resuming a haughty expression. "Yeah, I knew that was gonna happen."

One eyebrow arched. "Did you now?"

"Hell ya, I ain't no fool! I always know what I'm doin' even when I can't not _don't _know and that's sayin' a lot man!" 

Seifer frowned, trying to make sense of all the double negatives before giving up. The boy was on drugs. "Personally, I'm just glad to know that your mouth has other talents since I don't have a clue about what the fuck you're talking about."

"Well at least _I_ know what I'm talking about," Zell declared with a great deal of pride.

"And no one gives a shit." Seifer grabbed the front of Zell's _Pressing Elevator Buttons_ black T-shirt and hauled him close. "Wouldn'tve thought you knew how to suck face, Dincht."

Zell was unable to contain his surprise. "You didn't mind?" he blurted out before mentally kicking himself. Of course Seifer wouldn't mind, making out had some perverse effect on Ultimecia's presence!

"I can get into guys," Seifer replied, tracing the arcs of Zell's tattoo with one finger. 

Now Zell was _totally_ surprised. "What the hell? What about Rinoa?"

Seifer chuckled. "Damn you're innocent."

"No I ain't!" Zell fumed, pursing his lips and scowling. 

"You're cute." Seifer let go of the younger boy and instead, caught hold of his chin. "It's called being bi, Zell."

"Oh." Under a somewhat ordinary situation, Zell's mind would have leeched onto that bit of information and examined it but who had time for that, given the way Seifer was staring at him...

Goddammit if you're bi, kiss me, his mind screamed. Zell reddened. 

"I owe you Dincht," Seifer uttered in a low voice, before bending his head to kiss Zell.

It was what they both wanted to do ever since their last kiss ended...all of two minutes ago.

Zell groaned softly, his mouth slanting eagerly over the older blond's. Their tongues were quick to tangle inside Zell's mouth, taking and giving. The urgent need to dominate that had been blatant in their previous kiss was absent, replaced by a lusty hunger. Uncertainty was gone as they both knew that the other wanted. What remained was only the duality of desire.

Seifer pulled the smaller boy hard against him, one hand coming up to weave into spiky fine hair. Zell was on his tiptoes, his arms clenching around Seifer's shoulders and they just weren't close enough. Seifer deepened the kiss, feeling Zell arch against him and devoured the other boy's mouth. Seifer couldn't sense Ultimecia, there was only Zell, straining and consuming.

And neither knew how it had come to pass, this anomalous intimacy that had been sparked so inadvertently. There was only the knowledge that it felt _good_ and in some incomprehensible way, oddly right. But at a time like this, who was thinking?

"Shit chicken wuss," Seifer breathed, his mouth falling against Zell's smooth forehead. 

"Don't call me that," Zell managed, his heart shrieking. He leaned against Seifer and gulped in air.

"You shouldn't have done that." Seifer let go of Zell and took a step back, scrubbing a hand over gaunt features. "What you're doing...this isn't right."

Zell stumbled but managed to regain his balance. "What the hell're you babbling on about? You kissed me as much as I kissed you! Besides, you _need  _this."

"I can't." Seifer caught his gaze with smoky eyes. "You shouldn't be willing to do all this, Zell. I shouldn't have done this. I'm sorry."

Shouldn't have, shouldn't have, shouldn't have. Coupled with yet another apology, they were such ugly words.

"It's late. We should be heading back." He gave Zell an inscrutable look before turning to disappear into the night. 

Zell stared down the silent, black street and shivered slightly.

Rejection was a bitch and both relief and regret were bitter.

His voice was very small. "Fuck." 

~*~*~*~*~*~

What the hell was he doing? 

Ultimecia must be having more of an effect on him then he'd realized because he was honestly going out of his goddamn mind. As if losing his temper hadn't been bad enough, he'd gone and kissed _Zell_. Chicken wuss. The guy who was annoying and loud and who hated him with a passion. The guy who'd saved his life and who he owed big time. He couldn't just go around kissing Zell. Even though, technically, Zell had kissed him first but he'd definitely kicked off the second kiss. True it'd felt damn fine and Zell was quite the kisser, open and giving just like in real life. The guy was cute, there was no doubt about that.

_But it was Zell_, his mind reminded him.

And what Seifer absolutely couldn't understand was, how could Zell want him? Why had he kissed him inside the Tomb? It made no sense. Surely 

Zell couldn't have been turned on by him, especially since these days he hardly looked his best. So what was the deal? It'd been evident that Zell had no intention of stopping or at least not until they'd made out for a few more hours.

Zell was a good person and he didn't need this shit. He'd already done everything that could be expected and Seifer just _couldn't_ take lust from him. Zell was already more giving then he should be. It wasn't right, this passion that was purely selfish on Seifer's behalf and he didn't deserve it. He didn't know why Zell had such an effect on him, to the point of nearly casting Ultimecia aside, but he couldn't exploit him, not anymore.

It was perplexing. First Zell had saved his life, then had come back to the Tomb for him, cared for him and now desired him. Where was the logic in that? Even Zell hadn't been able to explain it. He'd never pegged Zell as being into dudes. Not that it'd matter because nothing was gonna happen between them. He wouldn't let it.

The best thing was to steer clear of Zell. The boy elicited too many fervent emotions within him. Putting aside passion, there was anger. Seifer shouldn't have lost his temper with Zell, especially not after everything he'd done for him, but he hadn't been able to help it. Talking about his old insecurities had been a slip up. The last person he wanted to reveal himself to was Zell. He'd been angrier with himself then with Zell but he'd taken it out on the hyper blond. Seifer had loathed the pity in his eyes. He could stand the hate and the ridicule, those he merited, but pity? It was too much, the travesty of caring. Falling back into the old arguing routine with Zell had been all too easy. It'd almost felt normal...before the kissing.

Which had been fucking hot.

He'd always liked teasing Zell and getting a reaction out of him. Unlike Squall, Zell's emotions were constantly stamped on his face and he was vocal. If he was pissed off or embarrassed or thrilled, you knew it. But he'd never been physically attracted to Zell...not until now. Seifer'd only ever had one relationship with a guy before and it hadn't lasted long. The guy had been on SeeD business in Balamb Garden from Trabia and in that relationship, Seifer had been the submissive, inexperienced partner. With Rinoa he'd been the protector and the strong one but the past year had taught him that he was all too vulnerable and he needed protection, especially from himself.

A relationship with Zell wouldn't fit either mold. Zell wouldn't stand for being purely submissive nor was he able to protect Seifer from himself. For anything to work, they'd have to find a balance between them, where submissive and dominant didn't exist.

Not that there was any point in contemplating relationships. He wasn't stable enough to enter into one and he couldn't take anything more from Zell. He'd been so starved for human contact that reaction to Zell had been only natural. It meant nothing.

Seifer sighed as he entered the hotel. What he really needed was Matron. He wished she could make everything alright, as she had done when he'd been a kid. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

Late the next morning, Fujin found Selphie in the hotel's dining room, eating like it was going out of style. She joined the bubbly brunette, ordered her own breakfast and watched with amazement as the small girl packed away the pile.

"Wish the Cafe ladies knew how to cook like this," Selphie remarked thickly around a mouthful of pancakes.

Fujin shook her head as the waitress put her food down in front of her. She spread some raspberry jam onto her toast before deciding to spill her stones. "ZELL SEIFER," she announced, picking up a second slice of toast to butter. "NIGHT. KISSING!"

Selphie choked on her pancake, coughing violently before draining her glass of milk. "Say what?!"

Fujin calmly repeated her words.

Selphie's eyes grew to the size of Protect Stones. "You're shitting me! Is that where Zell disappeared off to last night? To make out with Seifer?"

Fujin took a hearty bite of toast. "TRUE. SAW."

"Hot shit!" An enormous grin spilled onto the brunette's face. "That is sssssooooooooo cute!! I think they'd make such an _adorable_ couple! I knew the tension between them was sexual but Rinoa never believed me. Ohhhh, I knew Zell seemed way too quiet before he left!"

"WHERE?"

Selphie made a face. "He dragged Irvine back to the Tomb to knock off more monsters and left me to wait for Matron's dispatch...yet again." She snickered. "Guess Seifer left Zell feelin' a little bit frisky and now he's gotta get rid of all that access energy!"

Fujin grinned into her glass of orange juice. "FRISKY?"

"Hell ya!" Selphie suddenly frowned. "Hey Fujin? Are you okay with all this? I mean, you and Zell don't exactly get along. You're not angry, are you?"

"NEGATIVE." She took another swallow of juice before setting the glass down. "SEIFER ALONE. ZELL..." She shrugged. "MAYBE GOOD."

Selphie beamed. "I think so too! Hee hee, they're just so cute!" She began to liberally drizzle her waffles with Maple Syrup. "So fill me in on more details. Inquiring minds gotta know!"

"TWO O'CLOCK. SEIFER GONE. WORRIED. SEARCH. NEAR GATEWAY. ARGUING." Fujin smirked. "KISSING."

Selphie squealed. "Eeeee! This is way too cute! Who made the first move?"

"ZELL."          

"Wow! And here I thought Zell was too shy and dense to start anything up!" Selphie stuffed some waffles into her mouth and chewed rapidly. "So whadda we do now?"

"PESTER."

"Zell's gonna be so embarrassed! Between me and you, we can really bug him good! And then, if he and Seifer get together, hee hee hee!"       

Fujin wore a look of great satisfaction. In her opinion, there weren't a lot of things that could top harassing Zell. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

The sound of rushing water was calming. A crisp wind rustled through the lush foliage and twisted around the two figures sitting upon the stone steps. The Tomb's entrance was a tranquil affair, belying the horrific beasts that lay within.   

Zell fluttered his hand over the Protect Draw Point that was emanating from the stone. The cool energy splashed over his bare arm, sending a warm sensation swishing over him. It felt exactly like Seifer's mouth on his own. 

But that line of all-too-frequent thoughts had no place here. He glanced over at Irvine.

The gunslinger was busy counting up the loot they'd gathered from two hours of monster slaying within the Tomb. "Ten Malboro Tentacles, Five Energy Crystals, one Regen Ring, twenty-three Wizard Stones, eight Star Fragments, twelve Dragon Skins, six Fury Fragments and Two Hyper Wrists. Pretty good, huh?"

"Yeah."

Irvine set aside all the items and leveled a stern look at his blond companion. "So are you gonna talk about it or what?"

Zell frowned. "What?"

Irvine was exasperated. "Gimme a break kiddo. I can practically _see_ the gloom cloud raining above your head."

"I don't hafta tell you anything." Zell folded his arms across his chest and fumed. "You're a jerk."

"You're cute when you're sulking." 

"I'm not sulking," Zell snapped. "And quit calling me cute. I ain't cute!"

"Alright so spill it," the gunslinger commanded. "Where d'ya disappear last night?"

"You mean where'd I go while you and Selphie were making out last night?"

Irvine was unfazed. "Yeah exactly."

The guy was shameless. He wasn't even embarrassed! Zell glared at him. "None of your damn business!"           

"Well if you're gonna mope around all day, suit yourself." Irvine shrugged nonchalantly. "Don't say I didn't offer."

"I don't mope." Zell kicked at the crumbling steps. "Besides, you'll make fun of me."

"Awww!" Irvine slung an arm around Zell. "Don't you know how much I love you kiddo?"

Zell shoved Irvine's arm away. "Get bent!"

"Alright, alright, I'll be serious." 

Zell hesitated. In all truth, he did want to get out all this who-ha about Seifer. It was eating him up, all this endless angst and doubting and worrying and blah blah. But talking to Irvine...Zell didn't think he could handle ridicule about Seifer's rejection.

"I promise," Irvine added, seeing the uncertainty upon Zell's face.

Of course Irvine was a something of a love expert, though self-proclaimed, but still lots of people went to him for love advice. In as far as Zell knew, no one had ever been seriously disappointed so Irvine must be doing something right...

Zell straightened, resolved. This was a delicate situation. Being as he was something of Irvine's personal tease toy, he'd have to tread carefully. He didn't want any more joking and pestering. As it was, Irvine didn't like or trust Seifer. How should he begin? In what way should he maximize this plight so as to put Seifer and more importantly, his own actions in the best light? How to really credit-  

"Well...?" Irvine prodded.

"I kissed Seifer last night," Zell responded unthinkingly, his thought process interrupted.

Apparently the maximization process was put out of commission.             

Clearly that was not what Irvine had been expecting. He stared at Zell, trying not to gape but failing. "I'm sorry but you said...what?"

Well he'd goofed it up royally so what else was there to do but plow forth in the manner of a martyr? "It was all that damn dream's fault!"

"Dream?" Irvine looked even more boggled, if that was possible. "You had a _sex _dream with _Seifer_ with in it?"

"Yeah I know!" Zell hung his head in his hands and lamented. "How frigged up is that? I don't know what's going on! What's wrong with me?"

"You on crack, dude?"

Zell jerked his head up and leveled a hard punch at Irvine's shoulder. "You shaddup and lemme talk! You said you were gonna be serious!"

"Okay sorry," the gunslinger grumbled, rubbing at his shoulder. Zell could hit _hard_.

The blond boy sighed loudly. "Everything's all fucked up! After the dream I got so freaked out that I took off. I needed some air, you know? So I's just sitting on this bench when Seifer came along. Said he couldn't sleep and then we started arguing and he's still such a conceited jerk! He kept blaming me and going on about how I didn't know anything and I was real pissed off and not thinking straight and then I...you know, did the deed."

Irvine raised an eyebrow. "The deed?"  

"Well you know what I mean!" Zell huffed in annoyance. 

"Yeah. So how'd Seifer react?"

Zell could feel his face grow hot. "He was kinda shocked at first but then he started kissing me back."

"Ooohhhh." Irvine poked at Zell's warm cheek. "Was he any good?"

"Huh?" Zell stared at Irvine. "I thought you'd be like _mad_ or somethin'."

Irvine shrugged. "Selphie trusts him so I do too." He grinned wickedly. "Besides, I never thought I'd see _you_ making the first move. You're growing up, Zelly! Wait'll Ma hears about this!"

"Fuck off." Zell sulked. "I hate you."

"I can't help it, you're fun to bother." He patted Zell's head. "What happened after the great kiss?"

"Uh, we talked a bit..." Zell couldn't bring himself to tell Irvine about how he'd kissed an unconscious Seifer inside the Tomb. As it was, Zell didn't even understand _why_ he'd done it and he didn't want to explain it to Irvine. Besides, who knew how many Sleeping Beauty and similar jokes Irvine would crack? "He said he was bi and then _he_ kissed _me_!"

"The plot thickens." Irvine smirked. "So you snagged your man, huh?"

"Hardly." Zell poked at the eroding stone stairs with his finger. "He told me I shouldn't be willing to do it with him, that he shouldn't have kissed me and that he was sorry. Then he scarpered."

"Whoa." Irvine was visibly surprised. "That don't sound like the Seifer I know."

"I told you he's different." 

"Looks like you're disappointed that he rejected you," Irvine said, studying Zell intently. 

"It's stupid!" Zell burst out, angry splotches of red tinting his cheeks. "Why the hell should I care? It's fucking _Seifer_ and I hate the guy! Always have and always will! If anything I should be _glad_ that he didn't wanna do anything with me. Or at the very least, that he didn't kick my ass. He's still as asshole, you know."

"But he's different too, right? And you want him."

"I don't _wanna_ feel this way," Zell wailed. "I hate this! Just 'cause he's changed a little and apologized to me doesn't mean he's a great guy. I shouldn't like him at all!"

"Maybe it's 'cause you're the only one who can touch him when Ultimecia's around," Irvine suggested. "That's definitely on the erotic side."

"Oh come off it!" Zell scoffed. "Like I wanna do anything with him when _she's_ inside."

Irvine was amused. "You just wanna do stuff when she's not around."

"Exactly." Zell blinked and looked horrified. "Shit! I'm turning into a perv like you!"

Laughing, Irvine gave him a hearty slap on the back. "That's the way! A good lay and you'll be feeling as fine as turpentine!"

"What kinda retarded saying is that?" Zell crossed his arms and grumped. "I don't wanna do it with Seifer."

"You had a friggin' _sex_ dream," Irvine reminded him. "Believe me, that means you do."

"Well I _shouldn't_ want to."

"And people shouldn't try to compress time." Irvine shrugged philosophically. "But what can ya do? No one said the world wasn't a fucked up place."

"You're not helping," Zell accused, poking Irvine's arm.

"Sure I am. You needed to unload, right? That's what I'm here for." The Galbadian tipped his hat. "Anything to help a damsel in distress."

"Call me that again and you're gonna be the one in distress, partner!"    

"Quit grouching around," Irvine ordered. "We gotta think up a plan."

"Huh?"

"A _plan_," Irvine emphasized, seeing as Zell was slow on the uptake. "To get you into Seifer's bed!"

"What?!"

"That's what you want, right?" Irvine plowed on without waiting for an answer. "Good thing you came to me, I'm an expert at seduction! Now listen, all you need is some candles, oil, no clothes, a couple of Aura stones to get the heat on, a bunch-"

"Oh shut up," Zell snapped, flushing. "I ain't using Aura for this! It's a friggin' hard spell to come by!"

Irvine wiggled his eyebrows slyly. "As I recall, Seifer had quite the stock of Aura spells. You can draw some from him and then you know, pay him back."

"Me an' my big mouth," Zell lamented. "I knew talkin' to you was gonna be a big mistake!"

"There's nothing wrong with wanting sex," Irvine lectured. "Seifer's a pretty hot guy and if I was into guys, he'd be right at the top. After you of course." He ruffled Zell's fine hair. "You don't hafta worry kiddo, I'll take care of everything. There's no need to be nervous."

"I'm not nervous!" Zell fisted his hands in anger. "And I don't need your friggin' help!"

Irvine shook his head, tsking. "You're certainly an ungrateful sort, aren't you?"

"I never asked for any advice," Zell clarified, quelling the urge to give Irvine a good, swift kick. The guy was totally annoying! "I just wanted you to listen to me. If Seifer doesn't want me, fine. Good, great, I'll get over it." He jumped to his feet and stretched. "Let's go train some more. Squall's expecting an update you know."

"Have it your way, kiddo." Irvine began pocketing all the items they'd gathered. "When you change your mind, you know where to find me."

"I ain't changing my mind!"


	14. Disclosure to Fall

Chapter XIV : Disclosure to Fall

Late that afternoon, Zell and Irvine finally returned back to the hotel, dead exhausted from all the monster slaying they'd indulged into. Inside their room, they found Selphie and Fujin playing a game of Triple Triad.

Both girls exchanged knowing, smug looks at the sight of Zell.

Irvine tipped his hat, pleased. "If I'd have known two lovely ladies were here alone, I'd have come back sooner!"

Fujin gave the cowboy a scathing look as she slapped down a Granaldo card. "SHOVE IT."

Selphie studied her cards while secretly hiding a wide grin. "Hiiiiiii Zellllllll," she sang, waving her free hand.

Zell flopped down onto his bed. "Hey. Did Matron send a dispatch yet?"

"YES."

"I talked to her too," Selphie chimed in, setting down her pile of cards. "I finally got through to her today. She's loads busy working with Laguna on the Restoration Progression and all that."

Irvine joined the girls in the small sitting area in the far end of the room. "Is she gonna be able to help?" he asked, sliding down into an armchair.

Selphie nodded, her hair springing against her cheek. "She wants to meet Seifer in Winhill."

Zell sat up. "Winhill? Why Winhill?"

"She said that Laguna offered Raine's house to us," Selphie explained. "They don't want Dr. Odine and all those officials poking around at Seifer."

"Yeah, no wonder," Irvine muttered, leaning back in his chair. "That Odine's a dude on crack."

"Matron wants to be with Seifer in a quiet, remote place," Selphie continued. "She wants to help him in full privacy and without any political interference. Winhill's as neutral and serene as you can get. Laguna offered her his help and complete silence. She'll be in Winhill by the end of this week." Selphie looked over at Zell, suppressing a grin. "She wants you to be there too, Zell. She wants to check out Ehrgeiz."

"Yeah, I figured as much." Zell picked at a stray thread that had come loose from his coverlet. "So does she have any solid ideas?"

"RESEARCH," Fujin spoke up.

Selphie nodded. "Her and Laguna are spending loads of time in the Literary Research Chambers inside the Sorceress Memorial. Kiros and Ward and even Headmaster Cid are all helping. Matron said they've found a few possibilities but they gotta explore further."

Irvine whistled, impressed. "Laguna's doing a lot for Seifer, considering all the destru-" He abruptly cut himself off, glancing warily at a glowering Fujin. "Well you know what I mean."

"Laguna's a cool guy," Selphie chirped, bouncing in her chair. "He's a great president and totally cute!"

"Not many people, least of all anyone in Esthar, would give that kinda reception to an ex-Knight," Zell commented. "Laguna's pretty nice to do this."

"KNOWS," Fujin intoned, lightly shuffling her cards. "POSSESSION. EDEA CHANCE. SEIFER SAME."

"You've got a point there." Irvine stretched his legs out before looking over at Selphie. "We all heading to Winhill?"

"Wellllllll..." She swapped sly looks with Fujin. "Since we gotta keep Squall updated on what's going on inside the Tomb, it's probably best we all stayed here, exempting Zell of course."

"Ehhhh?" Zell was scandalized. "What do I gotta go by myself for? I don't wanna go alone, I wanna stay here!"

"TOUCH," Fujin reminded, scowling at him. "GLOVES."

"Yeah but this is supposed to be my vacation!" Zell knew that he was whining but he couldn't help it. After last night and the great rejection, he didn't wanna be alone with Seifer. He needed moral support, dammit!        

"Oh I'm CERTAIN that you and Seifer have so MUCH in common," Selphie gushed theatrically. "Wouldn't you just LOVE to help SEIFER out?"

Zell stared at the brunette. Was Selphie spending so much time with Fujin that she was picking up her speech habits? "Um, what the hell..."

Irvine gave him a 'man of the world' look. "Face it kiddo, the opportunity's all yours. Seize the day, my friend and you shall not regret!" 

Heat spilled onto Zell's fair face. "Seize this," he snarled, giving the Galbadian the finger. "And regret it when I bust up your head!"

"THREATS," Fujin pointed out. She smirked at him. "DEFENSIVE. WHY?"

Selphie giggled. "Don't you LIKE Seifer, Zell? Don't you WANT to help HIM?"

Zell gave the room as group scowl before deciding that now was apparently a good time to play it cool and keep casual. It was bad enough with Irvine giving him shitty advice but Fujin smirking was just plain _scary_. And what the hell was Selphie's problem? She couldn't know about last night, could she? No, of course not. She'd been too busy swapping spit with Irvine. Her mind was probably still running in '2 guys = Yummy' mode. The only thing she liked better than candy was gay guys.

Zell folded his arms across his chest and assumed what he hoped was a nonchalant look. "Whatever you guys decide is fine by me. S'not like you're that far away and I'll keep you posted. I always liked Winhill anyways."

Selphie continued to snigger. "I'm sure you'll have a FAB time WITH Seifer! Right Fujin?"      

"AFFIRMATIVE." Fujin smirked some more at Zell.

"Oh you'll have a grand time all right," Irvine chuckled, winking at him knowingly. The 'Love Expert Advice Giver' in him was fully aroused. "Just remember what I said, Zell. Aura Stones. That's what it's all about."

Zell seethed, grinding this teeth furiously. Fuck nonchalance and all that crap; he didn't know who he wanted to smash first! "What the frig are you guys blabbering on about? This isn't a joke, it's serious! I'm trying to help Seifer here!"

"NATCH," Fujin agreed dryly. "HELP."

"Oh there'll be helping aplenty," Irvine remarked heartily. "Helping done by you, kiddo. I think you know what I mean."

"I don't know what you mean," Selphie piped up, blinking innocently.

"Oh shut up!" Zell glowered furiously. "At this rate I'll be glad to bust outta here! You guys are all on drugs!"

"You'll be even more glad if you take my advice," Irvine quipped, nodding meaningfully. "I think you know what I mean."

"I don't know what you mean," Selphie repeated, kicking Irvine with her foot. 

Zell could take no more, not without resorting to violence. He vaulted to his feet. "I'm outta here! You guys are acting like pricks!"

"WAIT!" Fujin checked her watch and then pulled out her Key Card. "TIME. CHECK."

"Oh yeah, if you're leavin' you definitely should Zell." Yet again, Selphie and Fujin looked at each other with significant looks. "I'm sure you and Seifer have LOADS to catch up on. He's been resting under Sleep magic for the whole day and since you're the ONLY one who can TOUCH him, well you may as well get further ACQUAINTED. Hee hee hee!"

There was something positively unholy about that laugh and as to that, why had she emphasized the word 'touch' in such a pervaceous manner? Zell didn't wanna stick around to find out. He snatched the Room Key Card Fujin offered and tore ass outta the room. 

"Zell kissed Seifer last night!" Selphie erupted the minute the door slammed shut. "It's true, it's true Fujin _saw_  them, it's really true, they're gonna get together!"

Irvine quirked an eyebrow at the squealing brunette. If only she'd displayed that much enthusiasm for the kiss _they'd_ shared. "Yeah I know. Zell told me."

"TOLD?" Fujin blinked her eye. "SURPRISED."

"The poor boy needed advice." Irvine sighed with an air of great self-satisfaction. "So naturally, when concerning the more fragile emotions, he knew to come to me as I'm something of a connoisseur." He was unable to stop himself from glancing at the love of his life and giving her a wink. "Wouldn't you agree, my darling?"

Selphie blinked, visibly startled. A rosy hue spilled into her cheeks. "Um..."

Fujin snorted. Irvine was such a lechy loser. "ADVICE? WHAT?"

Irvine repressed a sigh. While he'd never met a lady that he didn't like, Fujin was coming desperately close to being girl number one. "After Zell kissed Seifer, they argued for a bit and then Seifer kissed Zell before taking off. He said that Zell'd already done enough and he couldn't take anymore from him. Zell was all sulky and mopey from the rejection. I think he really likes Seifer."

Selphie's embarrassment over Irvine's flirting evaporated. "Oh yeah, I knew there was something going on between them! Seifer's all concerned about Zell and Zell likes Seifer and this is great! They're so gonna get together!"

Even Fujin had to smile at Selphie's bubbly eagerness. "WEIRD."

"Definitely weird," Irvine agreed. "After all the years of fighting and bullying, who knew they'd end up liking each other?"

The possibilities were endless and as thus, Selphie's zeal couldn't be contained. She jumped to her feet and began to pace excitedly. "This Winhill trip is gonna be perfect for them! Now they'll be able to get together and we can help them along! Isn't this the best thing that ever could 've happened?!" She beamed, positively ecstatic.

"Well I wouldn't go jumping to any conclusions," Irvine cautioned. "It's still a bit early to-"

A hard rap upon the door interrupted him.

Selphie gave the cowboy a sharp look as she bounded for the door. "I'm not jumping to any conclusions! It's all fact!"

Fujin pointed at him and sniggered.

Selphie yanked open the door. In the hallway stood a travel weary, boggled with bags, Quistis.

The brunette wasted no time. She hurled herself onto the willowy blond and _squeezed_. "ZELL AND SEIFER KISSED LAST NIGHT!!"

Quistis winced, having received the bulk of that proclamation deep into her ear. Her hearing reverberated for the moment. "Er..."

~*~*~*~*~*~

Still griping about what lousy losers he hung out with, Zell swiped the Key Card into the lock and shoved open the door. He stamped into the room, snapped the door shut behind him and marched onwards, fuming.

"What're you stomping in here for?"         

Zell tore his gaze from the empty bed to the armchair located in front of the balcony where Seifer was sitting and pouring over a thick book. "You're not sleeping," he accused, tossing the Key Card onto the bed.

Seifer arched an eyebrow. "That's why you're pissed off?"

"No, no I'm-" Zell scoured a hand over his suddenly warm cheek, feeling like the biggest dumbass on the Galbadian Continent. Why'd he come barging in here like some Imp in heat? What kinda stupid thing was 'you're not sleeping' to say? "Um, Fujin wanted me to see how you're doing," he mumbled lamely. 

"Oh." Seifer looked nonplussed. "I'm fine."

"Oh." Heat was steadily creeping up onto his cheeks and for the nth time, Zell cursed his inane ability to blush under even the most pathetic situations. "That's good."

They stared at each other. 

In the late afternoon light, Seifer's eyes were dark and his face pale. Zell tried to think of a time when he'd been more attracted someone, anyone and found he couldn't. Life was so unfair. The one person that he should never, ever, ever never want, had reformed and was now plagued by morals and ethics and wasn't that just peachy _fucking _keen. Zell wished the old Seifer was around. That Seifer would've taken what he wanted and to hell with consequences and everything else. The one person Zell wanted, he couldn't have.

How strange these trying times were.

Seifer cleared his throat. "You wanna sit down or somethin'?"

Zell plopped down in the armchair opposite the older boy. "So um..."

Seifer straightened and met his gaze head on. "Look Zell, about last night..." He paused for an instant. "I shouldn't have got all pissed off at you."

Zell, who'd been expecting an apology concerning the more...ardent aspects of their time together, blinked in surprise. "Oh." He wrinkled his nose as he took in what'd been said to him. "You seriously gotta quit apologizing, man. It's weird."

"I don't have anything else," Seifer replied in a quiet tone. He turned to look out the window. "Times change, Zell."

"Uh..." Zell squirmed uneasily. He doubted if he'd ever get used to Seifer calling him by his name. "Right. So whatcha readin'?"

He closed the book. "It's about Junctioning and Drawing. Fujin found it for me and thought it could help."

"You might not need it." Briefly, Zell filled Seifer in on what Selphie'd told him.

Seifer's gaze was hooded. "You and me are going to Winhill?"

Zell studied the floor and fidgeted uncomfortably. "Er...yeah. Selphie and Irvine and Fujin decided to stick around here so they could finish up stuff inside the Tomb and 'cause I can, you know, my gloves and stuff...well Matron'll be there anyways."

"You don't have to come with me, Zell."

It was on the tip of Zell's tongue to say that he wanted to but he hastily bit it off. Like he needed to look any _more_ desperate for Seifer's company. "Matron wants me to be there. She wants to check out Ehrgeiz." He shrugged and tried to appear indifferent. "S'alright. Not like they can't handle stuff here without me. Winhill's not that far off."

"I don't understand why this Laguna guy's all gung-ho to help me out," Seifer muttered, more to himself than to Zell.

"Laguna's an awesome guy," Zell declared, seizing the opportunity to talk about something that wasn't awkward and uneasy. "He's totally cool and down to earth and can he ever play a mean game of cards!"

Seifer blinked at his fervor. "The name sounds familiar but I know I never met him before."     

"He used to write for the Timber Maniacs," Zell supplied helpfully. "His articles are pretty famous so maybe you read 'em or somethin'."

His forehead crinkled in a frown. "I never read the Timber Maniacs."

"Oh." Zell thought for a moment before brightening. "He was starred in a movie once. He was this dragon slaying Knight guy and Matron let us watch when we were kids." 

Seifer frowned as he thought and then a look of comprehension dawned upon his face. "And you were scared for weeks after that! You kept thinking a dragon was under your bed!"

Zell rolled his eyes but found himself smiling anyways. "And you and Irvine used to take turns being the Knight and the dragon and you'd drag Squall to play but he never wanted to. You guys'd play for hours."

Seifer grinned back, looking disarmingly boyish. "And Selphie'd get all jealous 'cause she thought I was hoggin' Irvine so we let her be the princess."

"But then Quisty wanted to play and she didn't wanna be the Princess, she wanted to be the Knight." Zell snickered. "She was stronger than you and Irvine anyways!"

"She used to boss us around so much and everything always had to be perfect." Seifer shook his head. "Got so we never wanted to play with her anymore."

"You just didn't like that she looked cooler with the sword that you did!"

"Well that too." Seifer sighed, stilling smiling. "I can't believe I forgot about all that. Kinda miss those days, you know?"

"Me too." Zell leaned back in his seat, finally feeling comfortable. "We never hadda worry about anything. Matron was the best."

"Yeah." A distant veil seeped into inky eyes. "I wanted to be her Knight, even before I saw that movie. She said I could."

Zell bit his lip as his heartbeat quickened. Seifer was looking vague and far away and beautiful. It was funny, Zell never thought of guys as being 'beautiful' but there wasn't any other word to describe Seifer. In this moment, as he recalled things only he could see, he was beautiful. The inclination to put his arms around the scarred blond was consuming. Zell had to force himself to sit still.

"Never thought it'd end up like this, though." His tone softened so that it was nearly inaudible. "I wasn't kind."

"Seifer-"

"It's true Zell. Really is."

"You shouldn't..." His words were clumsy and stupid sounding, even to his own ears. He didn't know how to express what he was feeling because there was too much. "It's not your fault. You haven't done anything wrong. I wouldn't be here if I didn't think..." Zell trailed off awkwardly.

Seifer tossed him a look of disbelief before gazing back out the window. "You shouldn't say it."

"Why not?" Zell stared down at his hands. "I can't help what I feel."

"Why not?" Hardness crept into his words, blotting his tone. "Why do you care?"

There were many reason he could have offered but only one truth came out. "You apologized to me."

Seifer was taken aback. "That's all it took?"

Zell reddened. "From you, yeah."

A cloying silence slipped between them, uncertain and saturated with things unsaid. Zell examined the flowered carpet at great length as Seifer studied the Deling City skyline. Somewhere along the line, the balance of normalcy between them had shifted and expanded. Now, neither knew what to say or what was expected. There was only blurred borders and doubt.

Finally, Seifer spoke. "I don't want your pity."

Were they going to have another conversation mirroring the one last night? It was tedious. Zell wouldn't give in this time. He shrugged slightly. "You don't have it."

Seifer paused. "Then what do I have?"

The pull was magnetic and Zell's eyes were torn from the floor and drawn to the older boy. Swallowing nervously, Zell began to squirm. Shivers were squirreling up and down his spine at the enigmatic way Seifer was watching him. "You oughta know," he replied evasively.

"That's not an answer."

"What do you want me to say?"

Seifer gripped icy finger together. "What was last night?"

Blue orbs grew wide. Zell was aware that he was blushing but he wasn't about to back down. "You tell me."

A reluctant grin tugged at sculpted lips. "I asked you first."

"I asked you second," Zell quipped, immediately feeling like big lame-ass the minute the words left his mouth.

Seifer scrutinized him with strident, piercing eyes. "If you wanna forget it, that's fine."

"But I-"

The older boy rose to his feet and without sparing a glance at him, he stepped towards the closed balcony door. "I think you should leave, Zell. You can let Fujin know that I'm fine."

Well that was as much of a dismissal as a person could get but Zell wasn't about to be dismissed. He jumped to his feet and opened his mouth, unsure of what he was going to blab out. "Everyone deserves a second chance. That's what last night meant."

Seifer yanked open the glass door. "Are you certain?"

Zell followed the older boy out into the fading daylight. "See what Ultimecia's doing to you? Her opinions are becoming yours!"

Long fingers rose to curl around the iron wrought railing. "You don't know anything about my opinions," he replied coolly. 

Zell ground his teeth together. In all truth, Seifer was the most annoying guy in the whole damn world! Why couldn't he just accept the fact that some people were worried about him? "Well fill me in then," he bit out, irked.

"Why should I?"       

"Why shouldn't you?" Zell himself wasn't sure why he was pushing Seifer but there was a _need_ inside him and it burned. He didn't know the extent of what he wanted, other than that it was all entwined around the older boy. He tried for logic. "We're gonna be spending a heap of time together. You don't have a choice. You're stuck with me."

Seifer stared out at the Gateway, suppressing the bitter memories that threatened to bubble at the sight. "Too bad for you."

"I don't mind," he muttered, leaning to peer over the railing. It was a long way down.

"Zell..." Seifer turned to him. "If I was in your place, I'd hate me."

"I can't hate you," he answered in all honestly. "I tried."

"Why not?"

"How many times are you gonna ask me 'why'?" Zell bounced slightly on his toes. "Who cares? I don't have any more answers than you do."

Seifer tilted his head, eyes inquisitive. "I don't understand you."

Zell met darker orbs and with great daring, took a step towards the taller boy. "You don't have to do anything." Seeing the question almost spilling from his mouth, Zell added, "And don't ask me why."

Seifer was still, unnaturally so. The air between them lengthened and tightened. "What can I ask you then?"

Zell anxiously chewed on his lower lip. "It doesn't matter." He was close to Seifer, a couple more steps would put him into his arms. He wanted to be there. "I already told you I don't have any answers."

"In the Tomb, why did you touch me?"

Zell remembered, how weak and altered the other boy had appeared. "You had blood on your cheek." 

Seifer inhaled sharply, his gaze caressing tattooed features. "You shouldn't have kissed me."

"I couldn't help it." His voice dropped to a whisper. He couldn't stand to watch Seifer, it hurt. "I don't want anything from you."

"I'm just supposed to take from you," Seifer clarified bitterly. "Is that it?"

Anger was swiftly escalating. "I didn't ask for this," he retorted. "Not any more than you did!"

"You made it your concern," Seifer snapped. "It's not like you gave me a choice."

"Like this is all my friggin' fault!" Fierce heat splashed into smooth cheeks as azure eyes flashed. "It wasn't my damn choice to fall for you!"

There was a tiny silence as the Zell's words sank in.

"Fall for...?"

It was the stupidest thing to say in the heat of the moment, much in the manner of kissing an unconscious Seifer, but what else was expected from the residential dumbass of Balamb Garden? It wasn't clear who was more surprised over that declaration, Seifer or Zell. Seifer gaped at him, astonishment scribbled all over patrician features. Zell grew pale and inside there was panic. Frantic panic.

He backed away, dismay coiling deep in the pit of his stomach. Why the fuck did he _always_ open his big fucking yap without thinking? He was such a fucking retard! "I..." Words creased upon his tongue and he was stumbling over himself. "S'getting' late, I better go, gotta talk to Squall, have stuff to do and training and bye!"

He scarpered, this time leaving the other to watch after him in bewilderment and disbelief. 


	15. Coiling Below the Surface

Chapter XV : Coiling Below the Surface 

It didn't take long for Selphie, with the occasional add-ons from Irvine and Fujin, to update Quistis on all the occurrences of the past couple days. And naturally, it was with great relish that the events surrounding Zell and Seifer's little liaison were embellished upon. 

In turn, Quistis spoke of Rinoa's unsettling feelings and ominous nightmares and how she'd likened them to being inside Ultimecia's castle. After their conversation, she and Rinoa had literally scoured the library and so with her, Quistis had brought an enormous amount of research material. One of her two duffle bags was filled with books and files and documents and disks, all recording facts and histories on Junctioning and Magical Possession and GFs and Drawing. Noticeably, Quistis was prepared to put her best skills to work and begin an extensive research on their end. 

"I want to go and see Seifer," Quistis announced as all the news exchanging concluded. "I'd like to hear what he has to say. And I haven't even been to my room yet and Rinoa's waiting for an update."

Fujin snorted loudly at the mention of Rinoa's name.

"I'll come with you," Irvine offered, unfolding himself from the armchair he'd been lounging in. "I haven't seen Seifer yet either. I'd like to see what he's really all about."

"You guys better not be mean to him," Selphie admonished, leaping to her feet. She placed her hands on her hips and frowned severely. "His condition is still delicate!"

Irvine and Quistis traded glances.

"AFFIRMATIVE," Fujin supported, glaring.

"Of course we aren't going to be mean to him," Quistis quickly assured as she gathered up her bags. "I just want to talk to him."

"We'll be discriminate," Irvine promised, taking Quistis' suitcase for her. He gave Selphie a flirty wink. "Don't worry, darlin'."

They took their good-byes and left the room.

"Well that's that." Selphie sighed and slumped down bonelessly onto her bed. "Hey Fujin? Can I ask you for some advice?" 

"SEIFER ZELL?"

"It's always easier to worry about other people's relationships." She swung her legs. "Wish I could be that certain about myself."

Fujin arched an eyebrow in silent question.

Selphie sat up and made a face. "They weren't the only ones who kissed last night, you know? Irvine kissed me too."

Fujin rolled her eye but managed to keep down several highly sarcastic remarks. 

"He said he wanted me," the brunette continued. "Pretty stupid, huh? I don't get it. He could have anyone he wants. Why's he keep after me?"

Fujin could see that Selphie was serious. Although mushy, gushy, boy-girl relationship shit was something Fujin absolutely abhorred, like she gave a holy fuck about what two idiot had paired up, she couldn't leave Selphie hanging. The brunette had been nice to her and trusted her when most other losers wouldn't even give her a chance. The least she could do was lend an ear and pretend to be sympathetic.

She went over to sit down next to Selphie while silently kicked herself. What she was about to say would go against everything she believed in. It was fucking pathetic, how soft she'd become. "SERIOUS," she muttered, scowling over the fact that she was hamming up the likes of that jerkoff Kinneas. "LIKE YOU. " 

Selphie was surprised. "How can you tell that he likes me?"

She shrugged. "LOOKS. SOFT. ALWAYS."

A pink hue tinted smooth cheeks. "I dunno, Fujin. I mean we're pretty good friends and I don't wanna spoil that."

"FLIRTY," she expressed, playing with the zipper that wove around the knee of her black cargo pants. "TRUTH DIFFLCULT." 

"Exactly! Who can tell what he's really thinking?" Selphie shot to her feet and began to pace. "He says he likes me but he says a lot of things to a lot of people. He's always flirting with Zell for God sakes."

Fujin snickered. "AMUSING."

"Yeah I know. They'd make a cute couple." The smile disappeared from her face. "How can I tell if he's serious or not? When we were kids we were really close but that was ages ago and now...all the stuff he says..." She huffed a gust of air that rustled her bangs. "The saddest part is that some of me wants to believe him. Is that pathetic or what?"

"OKAY." She shrugged again. "TIME."

Selphie beamed. "I never imagined you'd be giving me advice! You hate giving people advice!"

"QUIET," Fujin ordered, giving the younger girl her nastiest frown.

Selphie was unaffected. "Thank you!" She flung herself onto the silver-haired girl. "You're the best ever! I knew we could end up being really good friends!"

"GAME," Fujin muttered quickly, embarrassed. She shoved at Selphie who was clinging with all the tenacity of a Blood Soul. "CARDS."

"Oh yeah, I was winning!"

"NEGATIVE!" 

"Hey, we'll see about that!" 

~*~*~*~*~*~

"I don't know about this," Irvine commented as they walked down the hall. "I'm only trusting Seifer because of Selphie but I don't know how serious this is or what he's like."

"Given light of what Zell's experienced, I'd say Seifer's plight is grave." Quistis adjusted her grip on both her bags. "I'm not one to easily forget the past and I know Zell isn't either. There must be something else he's seeing in Seifer."

"I get the impression he's keeping something from me," Irvine said as they reached the elevator. He pressed the Down button. "What ever happened in the Tomb, it changed his feelings."

"This is all so unexpected," Quistis mused. "Zell liking Seifer in that way. I supposed there's some hidden pop-psychology in all this. I hadn't even thought Zell liked boys."

"I think it's just Seifer. Afterall, the boy is clueless." Irvine smirked slightly. "I'm just glad that library girl is outta the picture. There's enough confusion with her mucking it up."

"Rayla was sweet. She really loved Zell." The elevator door opened and Quistis stepped inside. "I just don't want to see Zell getting hurt. Seifer's caused him enough pain in the past."

Irvine pressed the 7th floor button. "I think if we look out for him, he'll be fine. Don't worry about it." He slung an arm around slim shoulders. "Instead, how 'bout looking after me?"

"I doubt Selphie would think much of that idea."

Irvine squeezed her shoulder. "If only I was so lucky."

A few seconds later, the elevator doors spread open. They stepped out and headed down the left hallway towards room 703. To their surprise, Zell came spilling out of the room, the door snapping shut loudly behind him. His face was pallid, his eyes flashing and he appeared to be on the verge of either tears or a violent rage.

He stopped abruptly at the sight of them. "Quisty?"

Quistis was concerned. "Zell are you alright? What's happened?"

Irvine also was alarmed. "That jackass hurt you, didn't he?"

"No!" Zell racked a hand over his face and swallowed thickly. "No, no I just-" He abruptly cut himself off and glared at the cowboy. "Why the hell should I tell you anything? You'll just bug me like the stupid jerk that you are!"

Irvine relaxed. "I see. You made out some more with your honey, didn't you?"

"Fuck you!"

Quistis quickly intercepted. She thrust her research material duffle bag at Irvine while taking from him her suitcase. "Irvine, you go in and see Seifer," she ordered firmly. "You can talk to him and start looking through all this information. Zell, why don't you come with me? I haven't gotten settled in my room yet and I'd love to talk to you."

"Gladly." Zell scowled daggers at the cowboy. "I'm sick of that big-mouthed loser!"

Irvine blew him a kiss. "I love you too, darlin'!"

Zell took a menacingly step towards Irvine, his hands fisting. "You say anything to Seifer and I'll slam you into next week!"

One russet brow rose. "Sounds kinky."

Quistis grabbed Zell before he could make good his threat of violent. "Come on Zell." She steered him back up the hallway while calling over her shoulder, "You behave yourself Irvine!" 

"Yeah mom."

"He's so annoying," Zell fumed angrily. "What the hell's his problem?"

Quistis let go of Zell to push the Up button. "He's just teasing you. Really Zell, he doesn't want to see you get hurt." She glanced at the younger boy. "Maybe you'd feel better if you talked about it?"

"Not friggin' likely! I thought talkin' would help so I opened my big yap to Irvine and he hasn't shut up since then!" Zell furiously gnashed his teeth together. "He keeps giving me stupid advice and teasing me and it sucks shit!"

"I wouldn't make fun of you," Quistis replied, smiling. "Well not overly much."

Zell sighed loudly as they stepped into the elevator. "Cute Quisty. S'just that Irvine's making me so mad! And then I blabbed to Seifer that I...oh fuck." 

Quistis pushed the 14th floor button, peeking at the boy from under her lashes. He looked miserable. "You don't have to say anything," she comforted. "On your own time, I'll be here if you need me."

"Thanks." He grinned ruefully at the blond girl. "I'm pretty lame huh? So what're you doing here anyways? Squall sent you here for the Tomb cleaning?"

"Not quite." She briefed him on the conversation she'd had with Rinoa. "She was genuinely worried so I agreed to come here and check on Seifer."

"Selphie sent you guys a message last night outlining everything that'd happened," Zell informed. "Didn't you get it?"

"I was already gone by then," Quistis explained. "I'm only late because the train broke down and I had to spend the night in Timber."

"Oh. Well what d'ya think about all this?" He hastily added, "Seifer isn't fakin' you know. He's for real. I felt her."

"Selphie told me." She peered at Zell in concern. "You're okay right? Nothing permanent's happened? Have you been checked over?"

"I'm fine Quisty." He grinned at her as they left the elevator. "I mean mom."

"That seems to be the opinion going around." She smiled and patted his head. "Just as everyone seems to think you're quite the cutie."

Zell groaned. "Not you too! Why does everyone keep saying that? You and Irvine and Sef-" He swiftly stopped, a blush leaping onto his face. 

Quistis rose an eyebrow at the almost mention of Seifer's name but decided to let it pass. She stopped in front of Room 1406 and inserted the Key Card. "Well we can't argue with the truth now can we?"

"Yeah whatever." Zell followed her into the room. "Hey, you got two beds!"

Quistis locked the door behind them and dropped her luggage beside one of the two beds. "All the single rooms were booked."

"Lemme stay with you then," Zell pleaded, bouncing down onto one of the beds. "You're the only sane one around here! I can't handle any more crap from Irvine and Selphie and Fujin are all buddy-buddy now and it's damn weird. It's like they're hiding some big secret that only they know about!"

Quistis stripped off her fitted, black coat and sank down onto the settee. "They know what happened between you and Seifer," she told him gently.

"EHHH?" Zell shot to his feet and gasped noisily. "Ooohhh, head rush." He plopped back down, pressing at his head. "How'd they know? That friggin' Irvine leaked it, didn't he?"

"Fujin saw you guys."

"Oh." Zell examined the bedspread with sudden interest. "Was she...like pissed or anything?"

"Didn't seem like it. I think she thinks that you might be good for Seifer." Quistis grinned as she took off her strappy sandals. "On the other hand, Selphie is ecstatic. She's of the opinion that you and Seifer make the perfect couple."

Zell colored and poked at the coverlet. "Um...well what about you? Do you think I'm all frigged up or some shit?"

"I just don't want to see you get hurt, Zell."

He gave her a sharp look. "Do you think he's going to hurt me?"

"He has in the past." Quistis undid her hairclip and let her hair fall around her shoulders. "He may be different now but I think you have to be cautious. We know all too well what he's capable of."

"I know all that!" Zell sighed moodily. "But he hasn't done anything. He keeps apologizing to me and I'm the one making all the first moves. I don't even know why I'm doing it. I hated him for so long. He made me miserable and then he betrayed us and now I'm attracted to him! Something's gotta be wrong with me. I don't know why I like him or even how it happened! I never felt this way about any other guy. Why Seifer?"

Quistis scrutinized him. "Are you saying that you're serious? You care about him?" 

"I guess." Zell exhaled noisily. "Or maybe not, it's so hard to tell. I dunno if I care for him, that might be pushing it, but I wanna see him get back to normal. Like healthy and stuff. You should see him, he looks all sick and weak and stuff. And even if he was a total bullying asshole, he doesn't deserve to have that left-over piece of Ultimecia still inside him. It hurt Quisty, it seriously did. It was so cold that it hurt. I felt her and it was _insane_. I thought I was gonna die! He shouldn't have to deal with that, not after everything he's gone through. It wasn't fault, you know."

"I know. Ultimecia should be gone." Quistis tucked a thick lock of flaxen hair behind her ears. "There's nothing wrong with helping him Zell. It's our job to dispel sorceresses and I agree that he doesn't deserve all this. What he's doing, atoning for his sins, that's commendable and it shows character. But on the other hand, being attracted to Seifer..."

"It's not like I can help it! I don't wanna be attracted to him!" Zell pouted. "This isn't fair. I never asked for any of this crap."

Quistis hid a smile. Zell was sweet when he pouted. She coughed behind her hand before speaking. "What changed exactly? How did you come to feel...you know."

"He apologized to me." Zell bounded to his feet and began to pace. "S'all it took, Quisty. One shitty apology. Before I used to wish that he he'd apologize to me so I could cut him down! But now I wish he never had! I wish I never met him in the Tomb, no wait I don't not really, he needs help. I wish...I wish I never…erm..." He spared Quistis the tiniest glance before hastily stepping away. "I didn't tell Irvine this but I kinda, well I wish I hadn't but I did...aw fuck this is embarrassing! I'm so stupid at times! If I never did..._that_ then I prolly wouldn't even be in this retarded mess!"

"_That_ being?"

Zell's face was on fire. "I panicked 'cause I didn't know what to do. One minute Seifer was fine and then Ultimecia was around and it freaked me out 'cause I just had her in me and I was touching him but it wasn't helping so I...sorta you know...maybe um...may have kissed him...a little bit, just kinda."

"Oh Lord." Quistis shook her head in amazement. "That's quite the deed."

"I didn't know what else to do!" Zell slumped, his arms dangling limply beside his legs and hung his head. "I fucked everything up nicely, wouldn't you say?"

"Well..." Quistis cast around to for something positive to say. "Seifer kissed you, didn't he?"

"Did he ever!" Zell was rejuvenated, a goofy grin spilling across his face. His voice took on a dreamy tone. "It was a good kiss. Better than good. A really good kiss. Really great. Good and great and really-"

Quistis goggled, torn between amazement and amusement. "Er...Zell?"

"Huh?" Seeing the look upon her face, he shook himself and cleared his throat. "Uh yeah. So, well he did. You know. But then after he said that he shouldn't have done it and I shouldn't be willing. And I shouldn't 'cause it's weird, liking him like that. But the way he said it, s'like he thought he was taking advantage of me or somethin'." Zell made a face. "That sounds totally girlie. Like anyone can take advantage of me, I'm a SeeD!"

Quistis gave in to the urge and laughed. "Seifer's protecting your virtue, is that it?"

"Yeah, wait no!" Zell looped around the bed and strode over to the sitting area. He glared at her. "This isn't funny!"

Blinking innocently, Quistis folded her hands upon her lap. "Of course it isn't."

Zell studied her suspiciously but it appeared that she was serious. "'Cause it isn't. This is like having a midlife crisis. No wait a pre-midlife crisis. Or a nervous breakdown. Or a sexual identity crisis. Or a...a..."

"Disjointed Bipolar Stress-induced Paranoiac Autism," Quistis supplied helpfully. 

"Uh..." That was the trouble with Quistis, it was hard to tell when she was making fun of him and when she was serious. Zell let it pass. He had more important things to ramble about that asking what the frig autism was. "Yeah, like that." He flung himself down onto the wingchair across from the settee Quistis was sitting in. "If you were in my spot what would you do?"

She shrugged. "I wouldn't complain. That chair looks quite comfortable."

"Very funny Quisty!"

"I try." The smile died upon her lips as she met his gaze with serious eyes. "I'd never let myself fall for someone like Seifer."

"I didn't let myself fall," Zell shot out waspishly. "How's I supposed to know this shit was gonna happen? I didn't exactly inform myself that I was gonna make the biggest ass outta myself and kiss him!" He groaned, covering his eyes. "And then, even worse, I opened up my big face and told Seifer that I was falling for him. I told him Quisty!"

She winced. "That's...that's erm...well in all honesty, that sucks. What did he say?"

"I didn't stick around for more rejection!" Zell slid down in his chair dejectedly. "Why'm I such a friggin' dumbass? He provokes me and then I let my stupid temper do the talkin'. What should I do?"

"You can't avoid him, especially since you'll be in Winhill together."

"Ah shit! How'm I supposed to face him now?" He turned wide, imploring eyes upon the blond girl. "Say you'll come with to Winhill with us! They don't need you here like I need you. I need protection Quisty!"

She smirked behind her hand. "Seems like Seifer's the one who needs protection. All your passionate advances and declarations must be making the poor guy crazy."

"Not funny!" Zell tore off from the wingchair and hurled himself next to Quistis. He leeched onto her arm and stuck his face inches from hers. "I need you to keep me from makin' a fool outta myself!"

Quistis moved her head back. "I don't know if I'm up for that kind of challenge."

"Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplea-"

"Why don't you take Selphie," she interrupted, tugging at her arm with no avail. Zell had a grip like a Grat. "She's quite good at protection. Or Irvine, he cuts a fine dash. Who knows, a relationship with him might be the very thing to clear your head of Seifer."

Zell let go of her arm and huffed. "I don't know why I thought you'd be better than Irvine."

"Oh don't mope Zell, you know how it tears at my heart." She pinched his cheeks affectionately. "Of course I'll come with you and guard your innocence. I won't let that uncouth oaf ravish you and tarnish your upstanding reputation."

"I hate all you guys!" 

~*~*~*~*~*~

A brusque frap upon the door jarred Seifer from his stupor of shock.

_...fall for you..._

Only three simple words but they coiled into his brain like a soggy memory. Just beneath the surface, glazing his sanity with scribbling skirts, Ultimecia lingered. Her laughter at his confusion was discordant and spiteful. She boiled and it was with everything within him that he strove to suppress her.

**_Have you learned nothing of me, my precious? I quiet when I chose to. You cannot quell me anymore than you can quell your heartbeat. Do you truly believe that boy is able to rid you of me? He will leave you as you have always been left. Only I remain and without me, you cannot exist. A Knight becomes naught without his Sorceress. _**

"I'm not your Knight," he bit out, grabbing hold of the dresser to keep his balance. He pressed naked fingertips to his throbbing forehead. "Zell can push you out and that scares you! I felt you gone, I felt it!"

Her hissing sneer ribboned from his brain down into his bloodstream. Around his organs and through his cells, peeling into all that was sacred, she occupied him, showing him her jeering ire. 

**_You felt passion! You wanted from that boy what no one else would give you! Can you be so naïve to believe that he genuinely wants you? Can your gnawing guilt allow you to take what he has offered? You are undeserving of him, my child. You puddle in this isolation and it is more than you have earned. _**

Another knock sounded, louder and more insistence. 

Was it Zell, coming back to him? Seifer swallowed and shoved down upon her as forcefully as his mind could allow. Surprisingly, she folded downwards with no argument. Perhaps she also wanted to see what Zell had to say?

"I'm going crazy," he muttered, wincing at her laughing agreement.

Shakily, he made his way to the door and opened it. "Zell I-"

But it wasn't Zell.

Cool violet eyes assessed him clinically, seeing far more then he wanted to reveal. "Waiting for Zell huh?"

Seifer clung to the door, striving to appear well and healthy. "What're you doing here?"

Irvine slid past him. "Weren't expecting me were you?" 

Seifer closed the door, suppressing a sigh. "Not really." 

"Tough."

Seifer noticed the duffle bag the cowboy was carrying. "Don't tell me you're staying here."

"Hardly." Irvine shoved the bag onto the bed and then eased his lanky body into the armchair Zell had occupied earlier. 

Seifer regarded him with wry amusement as he slowly sat down. "Make yourself at home then." 

"Let me make one thing clear Seifer." Irvine's features were icy, his eyes detached. "I'm only here because of Selphie. I don't trust you and I'm warning you, if you hurt Zell once more I will seriously shoot you."

**_You don't deserve anyone, my child._**

He scoured bare fingers over the slope of his aching forehead and struggled to think over Ultimecia's encircling voice. "I...you're right. Zell's too...too forgiving."

Irvine blinked, clearly not expecting him to be acquiescent. "Damn straight he is. He shouldn't even be helping you, not after everything you've put him through."

**_Have I not spoken then truth? He cannot 'fall for you'. Your previous malice prevents it. Can you not see that this is how you hold me to you? Your cruelty is a faction of my own!_**

"I know." Seifer's vision was beginning to fray and the colors before him were melting into a vivid blur. He stared down at hands that had been reduced to dull splotches twisting at each other. "I can't understand him. Why he feels...given our history..."

Irvine's voice came from far away. "What happened before I came here? I ran into Zell and he seemed upset."

_Falling... _

"I was falling."

"What?"

A shiver zipped through his veins as the pulsation against his temple increased. "He was falling. For...for me he said."

"He said that?!"

Why was everything murky? It was cold...dreadfully cold. There was frost oozing out onto his skin. Glistening crystals that came from inside, flickering in the dry air like crumbling stone.

**_Can you see the remnants of your sanity spilling? _**

"I'm not crazy!"

Irvine drew back, his eyes narrowing. "What? You okay man?"

Seifer blinked a few times, trying to clear his hazy sight. Icy hands gripped at the chair's cushy armrest and he had to drive out the words from his mouth. 

**_Lie as you have always lied. Force him away. I am here for you, my child. This misery is for you only. _**

"I'm fine," he ground out, biting at the inside of his cheek to keep from screaming. "Just a little...little tired. You should leave."

Irvine studied the ashen blond. "Is it her?"

"No." Seifer inhaled slowly. He could do this. Only a few more minutes, just to get Irvine out and then...isolation. "I didn't...sleep much last night."

"I'll come back then." Irvine stood. "Quistis is here and she wants to research with you. That's what's in the bag, tons of information."

**_Futile efforts, this research. I cannot be cured._**

Seifer managed to stand. The world titled and he for one stinging instant he was certain that he was going to black out. His hand grappled at the back of the wingchair and he remained in unsteady conscious. "I...I see."

"I don't have any Sleep stocked but you should cast some on yourself," Irvine advised, vaguely concerned in spite of himself. "I'll come by later, maybe with Quistis. She wants to talk to you. And keep in mind what I said about Zell. He doesn't deserve anymore of your shit."

_Falling..._

Seifer strained to arrange his features into a semblance of good health. "I will."

With one last searching gaze, the gunslinger took his leave.

****

**_It is your turn to fall. Come to me, my precious._**

Falling was always easy.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Zell's heart pounded a steady sketch against his chest as he strode down the hallway. He was half worried and half nervous. Irvine had stopped by Quistis' room to tell him that Seifer was looking like shit and that he should probably go see what was up. Not even an hour had passed since the great 'I'm-falling-for-you' admission and already he was trotting back to Seifer. He didn't want to see Seifer and yet he did...very much. 

What kind of stupid codependency was this? It was getting so that he was the one who need Seifer and not vice versa. How lame.

"Justdon'tthinkdon'tthinkdon'tthinkdon'tthink..."

Realizing that he no longer had the Seifer's Room Key Card, Zell tried the door and found it open. "Seifer?" he called softly, stepping into the room with a healthy dose of both apprehension and anticipation.

Obviously Seifer had lied to Irvine.

His heart jolted into his throat as Zell fell to his knees beside the unconscious blond. He checked vital signs and for good measure cast Curaga. He watched the cool magic splash over Seifer and gently swept his fingers down Seifer's forehead. 

He hated the sight of Seifer unconscious. Seifer shouldn't be like this, he didn't deserve it!

Biting his lip, Zell carefully moved Seifer into the bed and settled the covers around him. And then, before he could even register what he was doing, Zell had yanked off his sneakers and was sliding under the sheets. Trembling, he reached up and shaped shaky fingers around the hollow of Seifer's cheek.

_Why does this feel so right? _

Zell pressed his heated cheek against one hard shoulder and clenched his eyes shut. 

He was such a fucking dumbass.


	16. The Pure Bond

Chapter XVI : The Pure Bond

"Man oh man _alive_, this is cool!" 

Fujin gave her bubbly companion a glare that would have fazed any lesser person but Selphie was impervious. 

"Opps sorry," the brunette whispered loudly. "But this is _totally_ awesome. This is right up my backstreet! I love espionage and sneaking around and stuff! This is almost as good as the time me and Quisty and Zell hadda infiltrated the Galbadian Missile Base!"

"SHHHH!"

"Aw c'mon Fuu, no one's even here!"

Fujin grit her teeth. While she genuinely did like Selphie, she most certainly _did not_ like being called Fuu. It was degrading and stupid and it sounded like 'flu'. If that wasn't a shitty thing then she didn't know what was. 

It had been her brilliant suggestion that they sneak into the Galbadian Government Confidential Literary Archives to see what they could find on exorcism and the like. As it was, she was sick of sitting around and doing nothing to help Seifer and, on a lesser note, Selphie had won all her good cards and there was crap on TV. Selphie enjoyed watching 'Turbulent Times in Timber' but Fujin did not. Such a rubbish shows; soap operas were such wastes of time.

"CAUTIOUS."

"Alright, sorry." Selphie shone her flashlight over the rows and rows and ceiling-high metal bookshelves. "But those security systems were no cake to break into so I figure there no need to post guards around." She flashed an enormously toothy grin. "'Sides how many people are as skilled as we are to hack into governmental sectors?"

"SKILLED?" Fujin snorted. "STUPID."

"Hey this was your idea! Not that I'm complaining or anything, there's prolly way more info here than what Quisty and Rinoa managed to scrounge up." Selphie shone her flashlight to the computer terminal at the far end of the room. "We should use the Comps before searching. This place is way too huge to do casual exploration."            

A good fifteen minutes later, both girls were situated at a large steel table, books and scrolls and files spread out in front of them. Fujin was immersed in reading a  medical explanation documenting various cases of possession while Selphie flipped her way through a large tome accounting famous sorceresses throughout history and their powers.

"Maybe we'll find that same thing Matron said she found," Selphie spoke up. "Whatever that is. Or maybe we'll find something even better."

Fujin nodded as she turned the page. "POSSIBLE."

They continued their investigation in silence.  

~*~*~*~*~*~

_"**Time is fettered** **to me, just as I am to you.**"_

_"Why are you doing this to me," Seifer cried, looking up at her. "I'm weak. You can't do anything inside me. Why can't you leave me? There isn't any point!"_

_"**My precious. Still so innocent.**" She caught hold of his chin and brushed crawling lips over the slope of his cheek. "**I grow stronger in** **you**. **Your sanity feeds me. Your waning strength feeds me. I can make you so many things.**"_

_A tremble whipped over him, leaving him cold and stripped. His skin stung where her lips had touched, as though burning with infection ."You're living off me? Like a parasite?"_

_Carved features hardened and he knew that he had displeased her. Opaque orbs writhed. Her hatred manifested itself into a blistering energy that skinned into the molecular fibers of his being. _

_"**You dare liken me to a parasite?**" Her fury was palpable, stretching at the edge of his mind's illusion. "**I keep you from breaking. I gather your limpid thoughts and hold you together. I gave you a chance and in return you have me failure. The right the complain hasn't been earned, my child. Had you done my bidding and destroyed those SeeDs I could not be here! You would have your dream and you would be recognized. Now you repay me with your scorn, after I've saved you. Ungrateful child, child of hate.**"_

_Seifer gasped, unable to even think against the congealing pain her words and wrath wrought. He was only aware of her eyes crushing down at him. He couldn't comprehend anything beyond her because there *was* nothing beyond her. She was coiled into him, spurned even by solitude._

_Was he really such a child of hate?_

_"**You reject me when even now I am here for you, when all others have deserted you. No one else can ever love you as I love you, my child. Those childhood friends mean nothing to you!** **They mock your failure, laughing at your defeated. They would imprison you. Their hatred clings. A fallen one such as you, only I understand. Only I accept.**"_

_...Falling..._

_"Falling," he whispered, memories of something forgotten sweeping into him. Salty liquid bit at blue eyes. A castle rose in the sable sky where the bars were steel and the walls stone. Would he remain in a moment forever, detained and haunted by jeers? What had he done, this failure that *they* hated? His thoughts were sketchy, tangling like his fingers seeking to catch purchase._

"I'm here Seifer."

_Words that came from a great distance away, as though over the ebb of Time itself. A voice that was seemed recognizable somehow, at least as familiar as she was. Why couldn't he remember?_

_Heavy skirts brushed past him as she rose and stalked across the chipped porcelain floors. This lucid intrusion stunned her. It was no GF, none of her Protectors Eight, this was something human. Someone calling to the boy with a claim that rivaled her own._

_Heat seeped into ashen cheeks as blue eyes peered upwards. The perpetual ice of the room spilled from his skin to be replaced with a warmth that had been forgotten. His mouth quivered, pressed and touched. He couldn't see her, couldn't feel her because he was shifting and rearranging and...falling. _

_Had there been another to fall?_

Seifer opened his eyes. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

" 'Bloodletting is a common purifying procedure," Selphie read aloud. " 'Enabling the possession to simply bleed away, this practice first began upon the Centra Continent when Blood Souls ran rampant and the cure for their poisonous bite had not been yet discovered. Later on in Esthar, the process was modified to include a steady stream of Elixir being fed intravenously into the patient to ensure their life.' " Selphie rolled her eyes and tossed away the document. "What crap. Like Ultimecia can be _bled_ out. People were so retarded back in the day."

Fujin nodded in agreement as she handed Selphie another file to read.

" 'Enchanted Cryogenics: Case Study 87356. Patient A5-HR6  has been stabilized under High Level Blizzaga Magic. All bodily systems functioning normally. Current temperatures peaking at –899 Celsius, Life Magic surging though the bronchial branches at 4.892dps. Flare Magic has been liquefied and will be fed into the cerebrum via the Post Traumatic Junctioning System (PTJS) The lingering bestial entity will thus be burned ending the possession...' " Selphie trailed off, snorting. She skimmed the rest of the case study. "Of all the stupid methods. It didn't even work. They fried the poor guy's brain and he ended up a veggie."

"DATE," Fujin pointed out. 

"Yeah, it more than twenty years ago." Selphie stacked the file onto the growing pile of rejected material. "I can't believe how much the Galbadian Government has kept silent. All these magical-medical disasters...it's so sad! We can't do any of this shit to Seifer. Some of it doesn't even make any sense!"

"AGREED."

Selphie read a few more lines from the book she'd been plodding through earlier before snapping it shut. "Dammit, there's nothing in this stupid book. I can't even find anything on why the items inZell's gloves let him touch Seifer. This is all rubbish."

Fujin gestured to the huge heap of untouched material. "PLENTY."

"Yeah I know but at this rate we'll be here forever!"

Fujin shrugged as she glanced down at her watch. "TIME."

So they continued their research. Twenty or so minutes sailed by before Selphie looked up.

"Hey Fuu, I might have found something. Get a load of this!" The brunette cleared her throat dramatically and then began to read. " 'With regards to Spiritual Possession, that is the possession by any human entity (mystics, spirits, sorceresses, etc.) as opposed to a GF or Bestial being, the most recondite method of exorcism would be the Annexation Ritual. This Ritual, having been first conceived over a thousand years ago in what is now present day Balamb, depends upon the Pure Bond relationship between the Possessed and their Lover. Possibly the best explanation of what the Pure Bond entails comes to us from The Etymology of Magic, Myth and Mystism which states '_Whereby two beings form an association so absolute they complete the other. This association becomes that which cannot be broken by any known force, up to and including death and encompasses all known human functions; breathing patterns and heartbeats become synchronized. A variety of parapsychological traits, most notably telepathy, may occur as a direct result of the bond. In layman's terms, the Pure Bond is the concentrated connection between two people or soulmates, whose very thoughts, actions and being are coupled with the other to form something spiritual and inexplicable._' 

'Obviously the Pure Bond connection would be nearly impossible to come by but such a union can be faked, should the possession be dangerous enough and exorcism an absolute necessity. A variety of methods used to create Pure Bonds have been tried and documented. The first involves the sharing of a powerful GF between the two persons as an identical junctioning coaxes brainwaves to develop into a similar pattern. Altering Strength, Spirit, Vitality and Luck stats to match those of the other party, then solidifying the adjustments through either blood exchanges, sexual intercourse or Harmonizing Spells (see pg. 673) is another highly known and successful technique. It has also been noted that some GF compatibility items, ex. Samantha Souls, Bomb Spirits and Diamond Armors to name a few, can be used to enhance the link between two persons, fairly well known to each other and involved in any sort of long standing relationship.  

'Once the Pure Bond has been established between the Possessed and their Lover, it is possible to commence with the Annexation Ritual. This ritual intensifies the Pure Bond and brings forth the Lover to act as a psychological barrier between the Possessed and their Possession. As the union between both soulmates ascends and deepens, the possession grows weaker and is strained against both parties. Whereby going from a full concentration within the host, the Possession becomes torn thin as the Lover comes to occupy the mind of the Possessed.' " 

Selphie set down the book and beamed. "It goes on to describe in detail what you hafta do but isn't this awesome?! I knew we'd find something! This Pure Bond Ritual stuff is _exactly_ the way for Seifer to boot out Ultimecia! Zell's more than qualified so this is gonna be great!"

Fujin didn't share Selphie's enthusiasm. Instead, she looked skeptical. "PURE BOND? RITUAL? SHADY..."

"Well yeah, I don't really understand everything this book talking about either but Seifer and Zell can fake it remember?" Selphie bounced in her chair, tugging on a strand of reddish hair. "They've known each other for, like _forever_ and right now, with Zell being able to touch Seifer and all the kissing and stuff,  this could totally work! I mean, it's a start right? We don't know what Matron's got and if that doesn't work out then we can do this thing. Both of 'em can change their stats easily and we've all got enough Gil to buy GF compatibility items. Seriously, what else have we got to go by? Everything else we found was crap!"

Fujin chewed on her bottom lip before nodding. "BACK UP," she said.

"Sure," Selphie agreed. "When we get back to the hotel I'll call Matron first thing. Nothing's carved in stone yet and we still have all these books to go through. We should look up Fury Fragments. That's what Zell's got in his gloves and that's prolly why he can touch Seifer and block out Ultimecia. Maybe we can find something on, like I dunno, touch therapy or something."

Fujin nodded and went back to reading.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Seifer?"

Blue peered down at him and he was reminded of summer in Balamb. Cloudless skies and glinting seas and blue raspberry slushies and Cerulean Fleurs. All blue summer of the past, all Zell in the present. 

It was an honesty, to admit to himself that nothing had ever looked as welcoming, as sweet as Zell did now. There was concern in his face and his gloved hand was warm against Seifer's cheek. The cold had vanished, as though it had never been present.

"Are you okay?" 

When had that voice changed from hatred and annoyance to quiet worry? How could Zell fall for him? Did he _know _that he wasn't worth it? Zell's words were precious and his smudged fingers couldn't hold it. Zell was a fool. 

Seifer swallowed thickly and it was a few minutes before he could speak. "Y-yeah."

Zell moved his hand from Seifer's face to curve around his shoulder. "Sure? Can I get you anything?"

Seifer shook his head, not ready to relinquish this seemingly timeless moment. "I'm glad you're here Zell."

Wide eyes blinked. "You are?"

"I upset her," he replied honestly. "You rescued me. Again."

Zell looked away, embarrassed. "S'nothing."

"It _is_," Seifer contradicted gently. "I _still_ can't understand why you're here, with me like this. You shouldn't care like this, not for me."

"I know."

Quiet words that were uncharacteristic, coming from Zell. What could he possibly gain from this relationship? Zell had everything to lose, had every reason _not _to trust him and yet here he was, saving him again. What did it mean? There was so much left unanswered...

"I felt your kiss."       

Zell reddened slightly. "Were you upset?"

How could he be? Nobody wanted him as is, like Zell did. With him, he would never need _her_ and _her_ lies. Seifer reached up to touch Zell's cheek, soft and inked beneath his fingers. "Did you mean what you said before you left?"

Zell didn't look away. "Do you want me to?" 

_More than anything._

His hands, as though working independently of his mind, gripped at Zell and pulled him close. "I shouldn't." 

Zell was inches away, his hand sliding up Seifer's shoulder to curve around the back of his neck. His breath wisped across Seifer's mouth. "Then I do."

This kiss was different then the other two they'd shared. A balance settled between them as he explored softly, giving without taking. Seifer had only this give because he was empty and words right now were confusing and meaningless. He could deal with what was unfolding between them no better than Zell could. It was unexpected and new, moving from long-hatred to _this_. Even kissing like this...but it felt right, despite everything.

Despite everything.

Zell was smaller than him but fit against him like he belonged there. Zell lay, half on Seifer's chest with one strong leg draped over his hip, his arms wound tight around Seifer's neck. Seifer pulled Zell closer, leaning softly into his mouth and tasting things sweet and open. He could fall into Zell, if he let himself. It would be easy because who wanted him like Zell wanted him?   

It rippled over Seifer in waves as sleek as the attraction between them, this feeling of belonging. _She_ was wrong, Zell didn't laugh and jeer at him. He saved his life and cared for him and now held him from _her_. He could belong with Zell...maybe... 

"Thank you," Seifer whispered, his lips falling over the arcs of Zell's tattoo. 

So many unspoken and unresolved things hung between them but Zell understood.

He tightened his hold around the older boy. "Anytime."


	17. In Between Two Pains

Chapter XVII : In Between Two Pains

"We need to talk."

Fujin rolled her eye and snorted loudly.

Selphie suppressed the urge to sigh. She and Irvine hadn't been alone since last night's kiss and she knew that a talk was more then overdue. "Yeah, alright." She handed Fujin all the books and files they'd filched from the library. "You can take these to Quistis and see what she thinks. I'll call Matron tomorrow, it's too late now."

Fujin nodded, gave Irvine a parting glare and left the room.

"I was worried about you," Irvine told her quietly as he locked the door. 

Selphie blinked, surprised. "Worried? What for? The library's like the least dangerous place to hack into."

"Your note was pretty vague. Quistis was also worried."

"Quisty's always worried," Selphie replied, sinking down onto her bed. "It's her nature. She must be rubbing off on you."

Irvine sat down beside her, looking unusually serious. "I don't need Quistis around to worry about you. I care about you Selphie, whether you believe me or not."                       

"Irvine..." She sighed now, staring down at her lap. She really didn't want to rehash all this up again. "Of course I believe you. I care a lot for you too. You're like my bestest childhood friend and that's not gonna change."

"But I can't be more than that?"

"I can only give you what I have," she whispered, biting at her lip. 

Long finger slid beneath her chin and tilted it to face him. "You kissed me back last night."

Her cheeks flushed. Everything was much easier in theory when he was far away and not touching her. Her day had been busy and as such, she hadn't been able to think much of the kiss. The kiss that her traitorous mind had proclaimed to be _yummy_. "Erm, well it was late..." Even to her own ears, she sounded totally _lame_.

Irvine held her gaze. "You wanted me too, Selphie. I'm not the only one who feels what's between us."

She stared back into deep violet eyes. They really were beautiful, filled with such emotion that she could _almost_ believe... But that was stupid, wasn't it? "It's not-" She couldn't lie though, not to him. "I don't want to be hurt. That's not wrong, is it?"

"You still think I'd intentionally hurt you?" He let go of her chin. 

"Irvine..." She twisted at suddenly icy fingers. "After everything we've been through, your friendship means a lot to me. If something ever happened between us and we weren't friends anymore...I'm not any putting blame on you. I could easily be the one to frig this up and hurt you and if I ever did that then-"

"Do you think either of us would let that happen?" Irvine studied her searchingly. "Selphie, every relationship is a risk. People stay together and break apart all the time. If we were a couple, neither of us could guarantee that we'd never hurt the other because it wouldn't be true. It's a certainty that we'd do all kinds of things and we _would_ hurt each other. Everyone gets hurt but the point is to get past all that and still find a balance. We could make this work, darlin'." He took her cold hand into his warm one. "The only thing I can promise is that I'd never _intentionally_ hurt you."

His words surprised her. They were mature and rational. He wasn't promising her florid, flowery things that wouldn't last. He wasn't flirting with her like he did with other people, he was talking to her seriously. As if a relationship between them was a solemn, important thing. As if it could be something tangible. As if her fears weren't unfounded. 

Selphie couldn't stop herself from squeezing his hand. "You could do better then me," she told him softly. "All the other girls you used to have were so much more-"                

"I love you." 

They slipped straight into her heart, those three words. She sat there, stunned, her hand in his and not a single word came from her lips. 

"There was only you," he whispered, bringing up her hand to kiss it. "It was never right to say it to anyone else. Couldn't we try, Sefie?"

Her childhood nickname had never sounded so sweet. With her free hand, she touched his cheek as he sealed his mouth over hers.

Could they try?

~*~*~*~*~*~

After brushing her teeth and changing into her night clothes, Quistis stepped out of the bathroom to see that the balcony was open and Zell was standing outside. His profile was clear in the glow of the city lights and he looked lost in thought.

She was glad he was back. It was late and she needed to speak with him. About an hour ago, Fujin had come to her with all the research material she and Selphie had stolen from the Literary Archives. She'd been fascinated at the whole Pure Bond and Annexation Ritual idea, especially since it was something she'd never heard of, let alone studied. After Fujin had left, Quistis had spent a great deal of time reading and doing research on her laptop. To her disappointment, there was barely any information on the Annexation Ritual. Apparently the ritual was ancient, obscure and rarely used. Still, she had her hopes. In any case, it was better than what she and Rinoa had found, which was virtually nothing. 

Quistis stepped out onto the balcony, reveling in the warm evening air. "Zell."

Zell looked over at her and she was surprised to see that his eyes were shadowed. He cleared his throat. "Hey."

Clearly, something was wrong. She came up beside him and caught hold of the balcony railing. "You were gone for a while. Is Seifer okay?"

"I found him passed out on the floor." Zell tilted his head to look up at the stars. "I think it was bad tonight. He looked so weak and _drawn _and stuff. We hafta help him soon, Quisty. She's like eating him up or something!"

"Selphie and Fujin broke into the Galbadian Government Confidential Literary Archives tonight, did Fujin tell you about it? They found a whole bunch of stuff, much more concrete than what Rinoa and I scrounged up." She patted Zell's hand reassuringly. "Don't worry about it, we'll find a way. In the meantime, he's lucky you're here."

Zell sighed, looking uncharacteristically pensive. "I kissed him again, you know that? I couldn't help it at all and he _felt_ it. The minute I did it, he came out from her. Touching him with Ehrgeiz I can understand but all this stuff...this is freaky. He could hear _me_ instead of her and she knew I was there too!"

_This association becomes that which cannot be broken by any known force..._

The words she'd read jumped into her mind. Her gaze swung to Zell. Could this be even easier then she'd imagined? Was there something _more_ between Zell and Seifer, beyond what they both knew?

She frowned, tucking her hair behind her ears as she thought. Zell and Seifer _had_ grown up with each other and if one looked beyond all their bickering and insulting...or if one was to look into Seifer's motives, for Zell never initiated fights with the older blond, what would they find? Tomorrow morning, she was going to have to have a talk with Seifer. 

"I think you have a stronger bond with Seifer then any of us realize," Quistis contemplated. "If Ultimecia could feel you also then-"

"But why me?" Zell lamented, bouncing where he stood. "What's so special about me, that I can touch him like this? How come Fujin can't or you or like Squall or something?"

"None of _us_ have fallen for him," she pointed out.

"Yeah but when I kissed him in the Tomb I didn't like him! That was by accident 'cause I didn't know what else to do!" He sighed and scrubbed a hand over the left side of his face. "I'm seriously fucked up, Quisty."     

"Zell..." she trailed off, uncertain of how to comfort him. This attraction, to _Seifer_ of all people, was quite literally driving him crazy. She couldn't really help him because only he could decide what to do. 

Zell began to pace. "Everything's happening way too fast and I don't know what the hell I'm doing! I can't help myself when I'm around him and everything I say and do to him's fucking retarded! It's like I'm watching myself but I can't stop it and I don't _want_ this!"

Quistis sighed softly. "It's not going to be easy Zell but you're the only one who can decide where this relationship is heading. If you _really_ like Seifer and _want_ him to return your affections-"

"I don't wanna like him!" Zell burst out, red heat splashing into his cheeks. "I don't wanna _be_ in this anymore, I hate this! Last night he told me I shouldn't want him and I _know_ that but I can't help myself. I's pissed off 'cause I want him to want me like I want him and it hurts and he should hurt too but he's already hurtin' and I don't _wanna_ want him!" Zell abruptly stopped, his back to her. "I just..." His voice cracked. "I want him. "

Her heart coiled at his words and apparent confusion. "You can't help what you feel," Quistis told him gently, coming up behind him. She placed her hand onto his shoulder and squeezed. "I'm not any relationship expert but I don't think it's healthy to fight what you feel. It just happened and there's nothing you can do about it. You're a strong person Zell and you _can _handle this."

Zell whirled around, his eyes wild. "Can I? I don't think I can! I'm so friggin' _weak_ when he's around and I don't know why! I say these things without thinking and everything's so confusing. And just now, when we were together, he didn't protest at all and he wasn't mad about what I said before running out and he said thanks and it was like he _wants _me to want me and he kissed me and I just..." Zell dropped his gaze downwards, a flush creeping onto his face. "When I'm with him I forget myself and everything that's happened before but afterwards I have all these doubts and I'm...worried."

"What do you want from him?" Quistis turned a level, lucid gaze upon the blond boy. "I know you're torn because of who he is and what he's done and I'll admit that I'm not completely certain that you _should_ be with him, but if he wants you like you want him and if he can give you what you want then I don't think you should hold back. People change Zell, look at Rinoa and Squall. Both of them have grown up a bit, I think we all have." She skimmed long fingers against the slope of his cheek. "You shouldn't be ashamed to love, Zell."

"I don't love him," Zell contradicted, averting his eyes. "I just want him to get better so my job''ll be done and I can get on with my life."

"Do you really think that when he's better and you leave him, you won't regret anything?"

"I have to. Being alone is better then all this friggin' uncertainty. I can't take much more of this shit!" 

"You're not alone," Quistis murmured, taking him into her arms. "Before we head off to Winhill, I think you and Seifer need to talk seriously."

He clung to her, burying his face into her shoulder. "I hate this," he mumbled, trying not to hyperventilate. 

Quistis stroked his back soothingly. "Don't worry, Zell. This will work out, I promise." 

~*~*~*~*~*~

Fujin awoke the minute Seifer padded past her cot and into the bathroom. Groaning, she rubbed at her eyes and sat up. The bedside clock proclaimed it to be 2:57 in the morning. She stumbled out of her blankets and switched on the light. Squinting in the sudden glow, it took a few moments before her eyes adjusted. She plopped down the sofa and waited for Seifer.

Since most of her day had been spent with Selphie and Seifer had been sleeping when she'd gotten back to their room, Fujin had yet to speak to him about last night's grand kiss. She was dying to know what Zell was all about and what Seifer felt in return. While it was no secret that she found Zell to be a hyper, annoying idiot, there was no denying that in the Tomb he'd shown a lot of concern for Seifer. If something was seriously going on between them then she wasn't going to stand in the way. Seifer needed someone and if Zell could give him what she couldn't, so be it.

Seifer stepped out of the bathroom a couple of minutes later. "Fujin?"

Sleepily, she scoured at her face. "TALK?"

He nodded and sat down next to her. "Couldn't sleep? I didn't mean to wake you."

Fujin shook her head. "ALRIGHT? WORRIED."     

"You don't hafta worry about me, I'm fine."

She cast him a skeptical look. "ZELL?"

"Yeah." He sighed wearily. "I don't know why he's bothering to do this for me but...he can give me peace."

"LAST NIGHT," she began, hiding a smirk. Yeah, for certain Zell gave him _peace_. "ZELL KISSING. SAW."

Seifer blinked and to her great shock, a flush slid up onto hollow cheeks. "You saw us last night?"

"AFFIRMATIVE. " She frowned, peering over at him. "KISS WHY? LIKE?"

"It's complicated." Seifer sighed again. "That day in the Tomb, before you came by, Zell kissed me when I was unconscious. I think he panicked because he didn't know what to do but  in my mind, I could _feel_ him. I don't know what it is about him but his presence is intense and he blocks Ultimecia out. If she's there and Zell touches me, she disappears and I'm only aware of him. I don't know how to describe it except that I need him."

Fujin stared at him with a huge eye. "NEED?"

"It's true. Today, she was eating behind my eyes and she was so angry. She knows that I'm trying to get rid of her and she's trying to stop me. When Zell was there, even _she _could sense him. I woke up the minute he touched me." Seifer dropped his head into his hand. "We were fighting last night, you probably saw that. I lost my temper and we went back to insulting each other and he was so pissed off he kissed me. Then I kissed him. I shouldn't have but I did and then I told him that he shouldn't be willing to fool around with me. After all this time of treating him like shit and getting him into trouble and he's here givin' me all this. I shouldn't be taking anything from him, not now. It all makes sense in my head, you know? Then this evening he stops by and tells me that he's falling for me."

"FALLING?" The word came out in a surprised sort of squeak that was uncharacteristic of the silver-haired girl.

"That's what he said." Seifer slanted his head so he could look out the window. "He left in a rush and then she was there telling me that no one could ever love me and when I woke up he was beside me. I kissed him because I _need_ him but I don't _want_ to need him. I just want Ultimecia gone so that there's no risk of me fucking things up again."

Fujin caught hold of his hand and held it. "DESERVING," she stated firmly. 

"Fujin-"

"TRUTH," she insisted. "HAPPINESS PEACE DESERVING. TIME NOW."

"But how can I take from Zell-"

"UNEXPECTED," she interrupted once more. "FALL...HIS DECISION. ACCEPT."

"I can't! Don't you see?" Imploring eyes locked onto her. "He's giving me more than I deserve. Getting rid of Ultimecia is one thing, he's a SeeD so it's his job but all this other stuff...the guy's gotta be crazy. I'm all fucked up and he wants me like this?"

"NOT FUCKED. LIKES YOU. NEED HIM." She squeezed his hand between both of hers. "LIKE HIM? WANT HIM?"

Seifer smiled sadly. "That's the problem, Fujin."

"NO PROBLEM. WILL HELP." Despite the seriousness of their talk, she was unable to suppress a smirk. "WINHILL...LOVE."

He tousled her hair. "I think you're enjoying this way too much."

Fujin smiled sorrowfully back at him, unable to form the words that were sparking from her heart. 

What she had would never be enough for Seifer. Maybe Zell could give him what she couldn't. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

The next morning found Selphie sneaking into Quistis' hotel room. There was no sign of the older blond girl but Selphie didn't care being as it was Zell she wanted to talk to. Ever since Fujin had spilled the beans about the passionate interval Zell and Seifer had shared, Selphie had been on the verge of an explosion of excitement. Toss in what they'd found out last night about all that Pure Bond stuff and the result was one incredibly _hyper_ young lady.

Quietly closing the door behind her, Selphie beamed. Her overly-arduous acquaintance was still frolicking deep in La-La Land, his head buried under his comforter. A tiny tuft of blond hair was poking out and didn't _that_ sight bring back memories, namingly of Seifer trying to chop off the 'chicken wing' as he called it. 

All that trauma and drama, such a prelude and a build-up, how the years did pass...who knew it'd all end with Zell kissing Seifer? What a damn fine picture that made!

Selphie stifled a giggle as she crept slowly towards the sleeping blond. She paused for a tiny moment before hurling herself onto Zell, shrieking and bouncing on the bed.

"Blarghhhhh!"

Selphie burst into hysterical laughter at the sight of Zell's popping eyes. "TIME TO RISE AND SHINE SLEEPING BEAUTY!" 

"Whaddafuck?!" He blinked rapidly up at her, squinting and groaning. "Sefie, what the hell? Get offa me!"

She bounced some more and rustled about while bellowing into his ear. "MORNIN' SWEETCHEEKS, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A DAWG'S AGE!" Grabbing hold of his wrists, she pinned them up above his tousled blond head. "You gonna get up now Zelly boy?"

Zell struggled and scowled petulantly. "How'm I s'pposed to get up with you sitting on me? And whaddya yellin' for?!" He strove to look around the room. "Quisty, save me! I'm being attacked by a bip on uppers!"

"Sorry dude, she's way gone!" The brunette sniggered uncontrollably. "Maybe you should go an' call Seifer! I expected you guys to be in the shower together, you know!"              

Zell's cheeks bled scarlet. "Get offa me!"

Selphie vaulted off the bed. "So where is ol' lover boy anyways? Waiting for you in the bathroom?"

"Hey Shaddup!" Zell sat up and scrubbed a hand through disheveled blond locks. "What're you doin' here anyways? Go bug someone else!"

"I was hoping to catch you and Seifer doing the deed!"

"You're not funny!" Zell glowered at her. "Seifer and I ain't no couple so zip it! He doesn't even like me that much."

"Is that so?" Selphie gave him a sly look. "Then what's all this midnight kissing business I've been hearing about?"

"That was an accident!" Zell scrambled out of bed, clad in wrinkled black boxers and a twisted blue T-shirt sporting the logo of the underground punk band 'Inhaling Toxic Fumes'. "Now leamme alone, I gotta-"

"Oh whatever, you can't fool me Zell Dincht!" Selphie had her hands on her hips and looked remarkably like Ma Dincht at that moment. "Since when do you go gallivanting around, kissing Seifer like it was Galbadian Gay Pride Week!"

"I ain't gay!" Zell sighed deeply and began to shadowbox. "Shitty fucking crap, this is retarded! I don't even _like_ guys...least I don't think I do. I just like Seifer kinda and I don't wanna and I don't even _know_ what the fuck I'm doing! Quisy and I hadda big ol' chat last night and it didn't solve anything 'cause I'm still as fucked up as I was then. Dammit!"

Selphie blinked at him. "You really like Seifer?"

"I dunno." Zell ducked into the bathroom and came out a second later with a toothbrush in his mouth. "S'confusin' and shit. I don't know nothin'."

"So why _did_ you kiss Seifer?"

Zell shrugged as he brushed vigorously. "Dunno," he repeated around a mouthful of frothy, green foam. He popped back into the bathroom to spit and called out, "Why'd you kiss Irvine?"

Selphie blushed as she entered the bathroom. "He kissed me!"

Zell met her gaze in the mirror. "Didn't look like you minded."

Plopping down onto the tub's edge, Selphie sighed dramatically. "I think we might be, like almost a couple or something."

"Eh?!" Zell spat out a mouthful of mint toothpaste. "How'd that happen? I thought you just wanted to be friends and all that!"

Selphie scrunched up her face and then shrugged. "I don't really know what happened. This is either gonna be great or else I'm making one helluva mistake."

"For what it's worth I don't think you're making a mistake," Zell announced, pausing to rinse out his mouth. "I think you and Irvine'll make a good couple. He loves you, you know."

"Yeah, that's what he told me last night." She poked at the plastic shower curtain behind her. "He asked me if I'd be willing to give us a chance and then he said he loved me. I was pretty stunned. I mean, no one's ever said anything like that to me before. Then he asked me if I'd to think about us and I said yes. It just slipped out before I could stop myself. He didn't push it or anything though. He said I could take as much time as I wanted to figure things out."

"I guess we're both ass-deep in all this love shit then," Zell said as he splashed water onto his face. He grabbed a towel and vigorously dried his face. "I'm even more fucked up than you are."

"But you n' Seifer are sssooooooo cute together!"

Zell rolled his eyes. "You haven't even seen us together, dumbass!"

"I have, in my imagination!" Selphie giggled. "I think you guys should get married and invite me to the honeymoon!"

"You're one sick individual, you know that? I don't even know what Irvine sees in you!"

"He prolly sees in me what Seifer sees in you!"

"Oh fucking hell," Zell groaned. "You need so much damn help! I don't even know what he thinks of-"

"He kissed you like you kissed him!" Selphie beamed and swung her legs. "I knew that underneath all your fighting was sexual tension! Hee hee hee!"

Zell grabbed Selphie by the arm and nearly tossed her out of the room. He quickly slammed the door shut. 

"Zeeellllllll! What'ya do that for?" She banged on the door.

"You're not watching me shower!"

"Yeah that's Seifer's job!" Selphie laughed uproariously. "I'll order up some breakfast and then we can make plans! Plus I have a ton of stuff to fill you in on!"

Zell sighed as he undressed. The girl was on hardcore drugs. 

~*~*~*~*~*~

Quistis looked across the table at Seifer. Zell was right, Seifer really _had_ changed. In addition to appearing gaunt and hollow-eyed, he was also quiet and withdrawn. It was strange to see him like this. The arrogant, flippant student she'd once taught was gone, as though he'd never been present.

"Did Fujin explain to you what she and Selphie found in the library last night?"

Seifer stared down into his untouched plate of waffles. "No."

Quistis took a dainty spoonful of strawberry yogurt. "Apparently they did a lot of research and found all this unknown though valid material. Some of it looks quite plausible."

"Selphie shouldn't be wasting her time," Seifer muttered, his hand clenching reflexively around his fork. "After everything...after Trabia Garden, she shouldn't bother-"

"Seifer." Quistis put down her spoon and gave the older boy her full attention. "Selphie isn't wasting her time. No one is forcing any of us to help you. Do you honestly believe Zell and Selphie would help you if they thought you didn't deserve it? Maybe at first they were doing their job as SeeDs but now it's become more than that. Selphie cares for you and Zell does too. You _know_ that. And I think that you're starting to care for Zell in return, am I right?"

Seifer cursed and shoved away his plate. "I shouldn't be-"

"The world is full of shouldn'ts and just because you think something _shouldn't_ happen doesn't mean it _won't_," Quistis reasoned. "Most of the time, we're hardest on ourselves. It's difficult to forgive ourselves but there comes a time when it's something we _need_ to do because what happens to us is out of our hands. Joy is an interval between two pains and just as joy comes to an end, so does suffering. I can't tell you when it's time for self-mercy but it'll certainly come through atonement and sacrifice. It shows character and integrity, that you're willing to atone Seifer. But you won't be able to do anything without ridding yourself of Ultimecia."

Shadowed blue eyes met hers for the first time that morning. "It was my fault Cid sacked you. For that I apologize." His lips curved into the tiniest of smiles. "You really are an excellent Instructor, you know that? What you're telling me...I could almost..." He trailed off uncertainty and at that moment Quistis was able to see how much he _wanted_ to believe her, to cast off all his emotional angst.

He looked like the vulnerable, lost boy he'd managed to keep contained all these years. Quistis scarcely knew what she was doing as she reached out to touch his hand. She saw him as Matron undoubtedly had all these years and she too wanted to protect him. If he truly was this uncertain and insecure, then leaving with Matron in Dollet couldn't have been his fault, could it? It could have been any of them but Ultimecia had recognized Edea's love for Seifer and vice versa and she'd exploited what lay between them. And now, even _still_ Seifer was in pain, living in isolation and abandonment. That was as much an injustice as any war crime.

"The past is finished and only right now matters," Quistis replied firmly. "Before I came down, I spoke to Matron and summarized what Fujin and Selphie found last night. She changed her plans and wants us to meet her in Winhill by dusk tonight. If we leave around noon, we'll be able to make it. Winhill's a long journey by car."

"We?" Seifer blinked. "Are you coming too?"

She nodded. "I'd like to see Matron and assist her anyway I can. Plus I think Zell could use the company."

"Zell's been unreal," Seifer murmured, more to himself then to her. "I don't know how he can stand me or why he's helping me but without him...I honestly don't know what to do about him."

"I just don't want to see him get hurt," Quistis stated. "I know that you wouldn't do anything deliberately but he's sensitive and really confused right now. I'm not going to let anything happen to him."

"I know." His eyes held forgotten memories as he looked at her. "You were always protective of him, Quistis."

"Not just him." She smiled. "You used to call me 'Quisty', remember? I'd like that still."

"I haven't forgotten...Quisty."    


	18. At the Edge of Peace

Chapter XVIII : At the Edge of Peace

It didn't take too long to alert everyone else that Matron would be waiting in Winhill by nightfall. Reactions were varied. Selphie giggled, Zell panicked, Irvine shrugged and Fujin grunted. Irvine took the task of calming Zell down while Fujin and Selphie headed back to the Tomb to pick up the remainder of Seifer's meager belongings. Quistis busied herself with rounding up all the information they'd gathered and organizing it into conducive sections and sending a detailed e-mail to Rinoa outlining all that had happened so far as well as all that they'd found. 

Time passed quickly, much to Zell's dismay since he was still feeling as though he'd been hit up with a solid Confuse spell, and by the time all was said and done, it was one thirty in the afternoon when they all met outside the hotel. Using her SeeD status as much as her glare, Fujin had managed to rent a perky SUV from the Deling City Vehicle Rental Agency. It had been decided that Fujin, Irvine and Selphie would all stay in Deling City, being as the monster situation in the Tomb had hardly been eradicated and Squall was still demanding Progress Reports every other day. 

Zell carefully avoided meeting anyone's eyes and spent most of the time shadowboxing away from the group. He was beyond high-strung, his nerves were frazzled to hell and the last thing he needed to see was Selphie squealing, Irvine teasing him and anything involving Seifer. As it was, Fujin had stormed into Quistis' room half an hour before, grabbed him by the collar of his T-shirt and had grit out a fierce, "HURT HIM DIE." Zell knew that she meant it and her glare had pretty much _etched_ itself into his memory.

Selphie took charge of the good-byes with her usual enthusiastic and bubbly manner. She hugged all of them, including a stunned Seifer...hadn't Irvine looked _thrilled_ at that...and announced that she'd see them again when Seifer was well. Irvine was a lot more subdued, though he wished Seifer well and gave him a hearty pat round the shoulder, much to everyone's surprise. He also hugged Quistis and, to Zell's immense chagrin, he pinched Zell's cheeks and mentioned yet again Aura Stones. Fujin merely nodded to Quistis, glared at Zell and then hugged Seifer hard before dragging him off a little ways for a private good-bye.

"Don't worry about anything Zell, everything will work out just fine," Selphie supported, squeezing his hand. "Sometimes thinking too much can be a pain in the ass and it doesn't really solve anything. Just let things happen as they will."

"You'll be fine kiddo," Irvine said, patting him on the head. "You're not stupid."

Zell rubbed at the back of his head. "Uh...yeah."

Irvine turned to Quistis. "I really think you need to talk to Squall about all this. He shouldn't be kept in the dark, not about something this important. He'll understand."

"Of course he will," Quistis agreed, shouldering her duffle bag. 

"I wanna be the one to tell him," Zell ventured. "I'm the one who first found Seifer and I got us all involved in this."

Their conversation came to a close as Seifer and Fujin came back. Amidst good-bye mostly on Selphie's part, Quistis lead them down the street to where their SUV was parked.

"I'll cast Sleep on you," Quistis told Seifer. "I know you're probably not tired at all right now but I don't want to risk anything happening to you."

Seifer hesitated before nodding. "I understand."

Quistis unlocked the doors of their russet-colored Galbadian GloryGlacier for them before heading round the other side.

Zell went to open the door but Seifer stopped him, quietly saying his name. He looked up into darkened eyes for the first time that day and felt his cheeks heat up.

"Thanks," Seifer said quietly. "For coming with me."

His flush intensified. "No problem," he mumbled, averting his eyes. He hurriedly climbed into the front seat, his heart pounding. 

Quistis was quick to cast Triple Sleep on Seifer, which would be enough Magic to last the entire journey to Winhill.

As the Quistis pulled out onto traffic, Zell broached the subject that had been pulling at his mind ever since she'd let him know that Matron wanted to meet with them as soon as possible.

"Quisty? What'd Selphie and Fujin find that Matron thinks so is important?"

Quistis hesitated before speaking. "It's only a possibility Zell and this process is ancient and obscure and rarely used." She glanced at him. "We shouldn't get our hopes up or anything..."

"But..." Zell prodded. 

"But it _could_ work." Briefly, she explained what she knew about the Annexation Ritual and its required Pure Bond.

"Um..." Zell was at a loss for words. A Pure Bond with _Seifer_...faking being a soulmate of sorts with _Seifer_...him inside _Seifer's_ mind sharing _Ultimecia_...

Zell felt the need to hyperventilate.

Quistis looked at him with concern. "Zell? Are you okay?"

"That-" His voice came out as a croak. Clearing his throat, Zell tried again. "_That's_ the best you've got? You're kidding me, right?"

"Well Matron's got something else but she wouldn't tell me what." Quistis gave him an apologetic glance. "Rinoa and I couldn't find much and this Annexation Ritual was the only viable method Selphie found. I'm sure many other exorcism techniques have been documented and if we had more time for research then we could find something else but right now Seifer hasn't got a lot of time. We've got to help him and quickly."

"I know that but..." Zell gestured uselessly with his hands. "This Pure Bond stuff scares me! It's damn crazy!"

"Ultimecia wouldn't hurt you. She'd be-"

"It's not that," he interrupted, scrubbing a hand over his warm face. "I don't care about Ultimecia, we already defeated her once. But all this, like _sharing_ and stuff...I mean I know it'd be fake but being with Seifer like that, like we're one person or something...I'd be in his _mind_...wouldn't that freak you out if you hadda do it? It's gonna be _weird_ Quisty!"

"Well it's only a possibility," Quistis repeated. "We know virtually nothing about this process and all we have is text book information. If we had documented cases or witness accounts or something that'd be completely different. We're going to have to tread carefully with this one."

"I _know_ all that but if we don't find anything else and then if Seifer and I gotta-" 

"Don't you trust Matron? She's a _sorceress_, she knows what she's doing. She's been under Ultimecia's influence and if anyone can help Seifer, it'd be her."

"I know that too," Zell muttered, staring out the window. "But I can't help worrying."

"I know but it's pointless." Quistis laughed self-depreciatingly. "That's rich coming from me since I worry about everything. But Zell, there really isn't anything else you can do. Just wait until we see Matron, alright?"

Zell sighed and nodded. From his backpack he dug out his favorite 'Bleeding Tar Paint' CD and stuffed it into the CD player. Quistis winced as the thrashing, screaming sounds of 'Fumigating Against the Asphalt ' lurched into the car but Zell was oblivious. If thrash metal couldn't make him forget about his problems then damn well _nothing_ could.

~*~*~*~*~*~

_Edea let the edge of the curtain fall back against the windowpane. With trembling fingers, she smoothed down her skirt and sucked in a breath. Knowing that this day had to come sooner or later didn't make it any easier. The Dinchts were good people and they would take good care of Zell but...still. The sight of Zell in the car peering back at her had brought tears to her eyes. She'd looked after the boy since he'd been only eight months old and now she might never see him again. There was a part of her, as tenacious as her Sorceress self, that clung to the children and was unwilling to give them up. _

_"I had to," she muttered, sinking down onto the sofa. She pressed weak fingers against the dull throbbing that was blooming within her head. "This is what I do."_

_Her heart felt cold and her eyes felt hot. She'd only done her duty but there was no comfort in it. Her heart and senses refused to understand what her mind knew. Zell would be better off in a proper family, he would be loved and cared for and would have a bright future. Those were things she couldn't quite offer._

_"Matron? What're ya cryin' for?"_

_Edea raised her head to see Seifer standing in the doorway, caked with dirt, his favorite wooden gunblade clutched in grubby fingers. She hastily wiped at her eyes and beckoned him to come to her. When she'd explained to the rest of the children that Zell would be leaving, Seifer had been absent. Cid hadn't been able to refuse Seifer's adamant pestering and had agreed to take the boy with him to the Shumi Village on business. Seifer and Cid had only arrived back home this afternoon and she didn't know whether anyone had told Seifer that Zell was gone for good._

_Seifer clamored towards her, brandishing his grimy gunblade wildly. "I'll kill the numbskull who dared make ya cry, Matron! I'll tear off his hands and make him *eat* 'em! He'll bleed like a *waterfall*!"_

_She caught the flailing child into her arms and hugged him close. "I've missed you darling," she whispered into gritty but sunny locks._

_He squirmed in her embrace, twisting his head to look up at her. "Whassa matter Matron? How come you're sad? How come you're not mad 'cause I'm dirty? How come you're not makin' me take a bath?"_

_Brushing muddy streaks from the child's smooth cheeks, she managed a smile. "Zell was adopted today and I'm very sad to see him go. I'll miss him terribly."_

_Seifer frowned. "'Dopted? Wha's that mean again?"_

_Gently, she explained what adoption meant, what the process involved and concluded that Zell wouldn't be coming back since he now had a new family._

_Round eyes stared up at her. "But how come? Why's he can't allowed a come here no more? What does he want a new family for?" Seifer scowled. "Dummy crybaby, he don't know nothing! I'd never gonna leave here no matter what, not ever!"_

_Her heartstrings tugged at his vehement declaration. "This isn't how things are supposed to be Seifer."_

_"I don't get know what you mean."_

_"What I mean is that you children need a proper home."_

_Seifer snorted derisively. "That's stupid! I don't need no dumb family an' a new mom 'cause *you're* my mom Matron! That crybaby Zell's too little an' dumb to know anything. I'm never gonna leave here!" _

_"Seifer-"_

_A sparkle of concern dipped into those wide, blue eyes. "You're not gonna *make* me go are you? I'm your Knight Matron, I can't leave!"_

_What was it about this child that held her so? She remembered how he had been when she'd first brought him to the orphanage. How wary and distrustful he'd been. Now there was love for her, something he was reluctant to give to anybody else. This child was precious to her and though she knew better, she was powerless to stop it._

_Edea loved Seifer Almasy more than all the other children._

_"I'll never make you leave," she vowed, hoping against hope that she wouldn't one day be forced to break her promise. "My child."_

~*~*~*~*~*~

Ellone ran her fingers over the worn though smooth headstone one final time before standing up. Watching her from a little distance away, bathed in the gentle Winhill sunshine, was a regretful-eyed, dark haired man. 

"Are you okay Uncle Laguna?"

The President of Esthar smiled wistfully. "Yeah, I just miss her, Elle. Being back here brings back too many memories."

Ellone brushed choppy locks from her cheek and glanced back at the bouquet of Sugar Plum violets that lay against the stone marker. The tiny white and purple flowers had been Raine's favorite and whenever Ellone smelled their sweet scent, she thought of her surrogate mother. "I miss her too."

"There's so many things I regret, you know? So many things I wanted to tell her and never got a chance." He looked up at the cloudless, azure sky. "I really wish things could've been different."

"Things could have been a lot worse," Ellone ventured, treading through the tall Everweed grass towards her Uncle. "You're still friends with Kiros and Ward, you've made a monumental change in Esthar...one that history will forever recognize you for, your son practically saved the world-"

Laguna smiled and tousled her hair like he used to so long ago. "And I've got my little Elle." 

Ellone returned the smile but wasn't to be swayed from starting up on her favorite lecture...Squall. "You'd have Squall too if you'd just tell him, Uncle Laguna. I know you need time and all that but it's been ages and ages. If anything, he'll resent you further _because_ you hadn't told him sooner."

Laguna snorted as they began the trek back towards the town. "Resent me further? Now that makes me wanna tell him."

"I didn't mean it like that." She fixed Laguna with a stern look. "You know exactly what I mean, I've only _been_ nattering on about this like a rabid Forbidden for the past six months!"

"I know, I know. You and Edea are like partners in crime or something."

"Only because we care," Ellone intone, sounding remarkably like the raven-haired Sorceress. She laughed as Laguna wrinkled his nose. "But that'll come later. We have a lot to do here before we can think about all that other stuff."

"Edea knows what she's doing. She's familiar with both Ultimecia and Seifer and Lord knows we did enough damn research inside the Sorceress Memorial. My allergies will never be the same again."

Ellone was amused. "Most of the officials still think you're in hiding since you haven't finished that CGR-196 Amendment Clause."

"When have I _ever_ been know to hide from the Assembled Representatives?" Laguna demanded in huffy tones. "I mean come on, I'm the _President_! Presidents don't _need_ to hide!"

"I'm sure Kiros could enlighten me further on the subject."

"He's biased! All he knows is how to boss me around. I get no credit from that guy. Seriously! I take my position as head of Esthar very seriously and-" 

"You also take watching 'Turbulent Times in Timber' very seriously," Ellone pointed out.

"Well I'd never put a stupid _soap_ before my political duties," Laguna replied indignantly. He paused for a moment before looking away rather sheepishly. "Well almost never."

Ellone hid a smirk. "It's good to know you've got priorities, Uncle Laguna." 

Laguna scowled. "You've been hanging around Kiros too much, I can tell!"

She laughed. "He tells interesting stories about you."

"More like embarrassing," Laguna grumbled.

"Aw don't pout," Ellone teased. "Presidents don't pout either."

"I'm not pouting," Laguna contradicted. "I never pout. Why should I? _Real_ men don't pout."

"Just like real men don't ask for directions?"

Laguna was saved the embarrassment of replying, he was as famous for getting lost as he was for being President, by the Town Clock chimes ringing in the distance.

"It's three thirty," Ellone verified, checking her watch. "Seifer and Zell and Quistis will probably be here in about an hour and a half."

"Edea's ready. Nervous but ready. She knows what she's doing."

"She'll be fine," Ellone said. "If anyone can help Seifer, it'd be her. In the orphanage, Seifer was to Matron what Squall was to me. He didn't care about anyone else."

Laguna sighed as they approached the perimeters of the town's back entrance. "That kid's been through one helluva time. He deserves a break. Edea told me all about him."

"He isn't so bad, if you're able to get past his arrogance and bullying ways. But I'm sure he's changed a lot by now."

Laguna sighed. "War does that." He nodded as the two sentries posted next to the Magic Shop saluted him. "Come on, let's go see what we can do to help Edea." 

~*~*~*~*~*~

Seifer awoke to the biggest kink in his neck. He sat up and promptly banged his head against the SUV's sunroof. "Fuck," he muttered and rubbed at his neck. He blinked the last remnants of sleep from his eyes and glanced about. Propped up against the steering wheel was a note written in Quistis' small, impossibly neat handwriting.

_Seifer,_

_ You looked so peaceful that we couldn't bear to disturb you. You'll be waking soon enough so a few extra minutes of rest won't matter. Mostly likely we'll be in sight, walking around and stretching our legs. I'm sure Matron will be inside the house, if you wish to see her immediately. _

_Quistis and Zell_

Seifer stuffed the note into his pocket and got out of the car. The sun was still shining, beating down upon the tiny town with gentle rays. He'd never been to Winhill before and so he found himself looking around avidly. Quaint gingerbread-like houses surrounded the cobblestoned Town Square while a sparkling, babbling river coursed along the town's edge. Flowers were planted everywhere, filling lawns and the sidewalk's border in neat beds and stone planters. Children played and ran about, neighbors conversed with each other and from the distance came the bustle of the shopping market. 

Seifer could see Quistis across the way, sitting on a bench and chatting with an old man. Zell was no where in sight. Turning, he slammed the car door shut and walked up the driveway. The house before him was a charming though worn picture of cream and faded blue trim, scrubbed wooden window boxes filled with overgrown flowers and tendrils of Scarlet Ivy creeping up beneath the windowpanes.

A tiny grey cat crept along the side of the house, watching him with round buttery eyes. It mewled and then streaked through the bushes towards the Pub. A little blond girl caught the cat and hugged it fiercely before running off towards a group of girls playing with a skipping rope in the shade of the flower shop. 

Stepping from the driveway and onto the uncut grass, Seifer saw that his fingers were shaking. He felt both nervous and weak with old insecurities creeping up over him. He had to force himself to empty his mind and think of nothing because otherwise the memories would overwhelm him. 

"Shit," he muttered and wiped icy fingers over his cheek. He found himself avoiding the front door and instead walked around to the back of the house. He would gather his thoughts, steel himself and then go inside. The last thing he needed was to shame himself by fainting or some crap like that.

Shade covered the entire back garden. Sweeping trees, thick bushes and wildflowers decorated the lawn's expanse. Birds chirped and crickets hummed. Seifer slowly tread through the garden. The peaceful, quiet air of Winhill reminded him of fishing with Fujin and Raijin on the Balamb docks. There was a feeling of home here that was similar to Balamb.

Wrapped up in no real thoughts, save for how calm the garden was, Seifer brushed aside the leafy limb of a Dollet Coiling bush and abruptly stopped. His heart smashed hard into his chest. Even as he took one trembling step forward, his mind screamed with protestations.

He wasn't ready, it was too soon, he couldn't do this, not now...

Matron. 

Edea, the only woman he'd ever completely surrendered to, sacrificed for and loved beyond any measurable capacity, sat upon a stone bench with shade painted cheeks. Her hair, loose and long, rustled in the wind like the simple black dress she wore. She wasn't the crushing Sorceress, icy with power and dark with hatred. She wasn't that confused woman, watching him with tragic eyes and distant memories while fearing the evil presence that festered at her mind. She was, simply put, his mother. 

His breath hitched in his throat and she turned her head at the broken sound, inky eyes curving upon him. The moment hung between them, fragile like a spun web and before she could say anything, before he even thought, Edea's Knight found himself upon his knees, at her feet. 

 Something fractured within him and it fell in splashes of stinging liquid. Slender hands sifted through sunny locks and dark eyes were also fluid. 

_I'll never make you leave. My child._


	19. That Without Name

Chapter XIX : That Without Name "Look, there's Jarvis!" 

Zell followed Quistis' finger across the cobblestone square to the elderly man sitting upon the bench beside the boarded bridge. Upon their first visit to Winhill, Quistis had formed a lasting friendship with Jarvis Trent, being as she'd bested him in a game of Triple Triad. Apparently the only other person who'd ever beaten the old timer in a game of cards had been Laguna.

"Let's go see what he's up to," Quistis continued casually, though Zell noted that she was patting her skirt pocket where she kept her deck of cards.

"You go. I think I'll go see if I can find Matron."

Cool blue eyes assessed him. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, don't worry about it." Zell gave her a reassuring smile. "I'm fine Quisty, I promise."

Quistis studied him for a minute longer before relenting. "I'll be up soon."

Zell nodded and walked up to the house. The front door was slightly ajar. He entered. "Matron?"

"Zell?" A dark head poked out from the top of railing. "Hey!"

"Ellone!"         

"So you guys made it." She scrambled down the stairs, beaming. "What's up? You guys made great time. Where's everyone else? I'm so glad I could be here too!"

"Me too." He returned her grin, feeling his spirits rise. "Quistis went to go visit that old Jarvis guy and Seifer's still in the car. We cast Sleep on his so he'll be waking up soon."

"How is he? Matron's been out of her mind with worry. I'm pretty sure she blames herself."

"He's really weak," Zell answered honestly. "He's changed a lot and he's pretty much _swimming_ in guilt. It's kinda weird actually."

Ellone considered him with inky eyes. "I was surprised when Matron told me you were helping Seifer. I figured you guys hated each other."

Zell shrugged and shuffled his feet. "Well we became friends kinda...I guess. I mean he really _is_ different. Not so much of an asshole you know? He apologized to me anyways."

Dark eyebrows rose. "He _did_? Holy, he really must have changed. Well I figured as much anyways." Ellone sighed. "Poor Seifer. He's been through a lot."

Yes, poor Seifer indeed. That was half the problem wasn't it? That Seifer was still suffering and there wasn't much he could do about it. "Is Matron around?" Zell asked, changing the subject. He'd rather not talk about Seifer, not if he didn't have to. It was much too confusing.

"I saw her heading for the back garden. Why don't you go see her and I'll find Laguna. I think he left some stuff back on the Rag."

Zell nodded and they left the house. Ellone headed into town while Zell circled around the house to the quaint back garden. A slight breeze winded, rustling through the tall trees and wildflowers. Zell caught a snatch of scant whispering. He skirted through the bushes and flowers, the faint murmuring growing a tiny bit in volume. He was unable to make out the words or even the speaker. He came out from around a thick-trunked, gnarly old tree and two familiar figures loomed into view.

Matron sat upon an ornamental stone garden bench, looking like a snippet from his memory, in a black dress with long, unbound hair. Her dark eyes, eyes of a Gypsy Queen Cid used to say, swam with a glistening liquid. Soothing though hoarse, her voice matched her hands. They trembled as they stroked through sunlit, fine hair. Before her on his knees, fair and once proud and was her Knight. Like the child he had once been long ago, Seifer's head was buried in her lap as muffled, raspy-stutter chokes rose. 

A crushed Knight at the feet of his Lady.

It was something he never imagined he'd see.

Zell swallowed and his throat was heavy.

Suddenly it _was_ that now nothing was important, not with Seifer giving in to months of stabbing sorrow. Seifer who had once been proud and arrogant, who had scoffed at those weaker than him, was now reduced to weeping in the lap of his Lady...of his mother. It was horrible to behold. But this scene was one that dug into Zell's mind. He wouldn't forget how Seifer looked at this moment. 

Damaged.

If Zell hadn't been certain before, than this scene surely solidified it...he _knew_ that what he felt for Seifer was beyond friendship, hate and sympathy. His feelings were beyond proper and even beyond the limits of _himself_. All the confusion he'd felt these past few whirlwinding days, they slowly sank away, like stepping out from soggy clothing. That was all baggage, weighing him down when really, things were simple.

Zell took an unsteady step backwards, still unnoticed. His heart was beating overly-noisy and it rang in his ears. Couldn't they hear it? It was so much more louder than Matron's quiet words and Seifer's hushed cries. His mind spoke up then, whispering that he was trespassing upon a moment that he wasn't meant to see. This was for Matron and for Seifer, not for him. If Seifer knew that he'd been seen, he would loathe himself.  

It felt like a dream, blurring and surreal, as he stumbled from the garden. Had he _truly_ seen what he had? Dreams were odd like that, where things happened that wouldn't ordinarily and scenes changed in seconds without thought. Where people proud crumpled so easily into the dust. The past, made up of jumbled memories, really _could_ be a dream. It always came back didn't it? A mother is always a mother, just as a child, no matter how old, is always a child. Different names for the same things because in the end what mattered?

_You healed me._

Seifer's words from that first meeting inside the Tomb. Only a few days ago and yet...a lifetime ago.

Zell wanted to comfort Seifer and the urge was sudden and so fierce he felt his mind reel. Why was it like this? From that one meeting to _this_. He couldn't really heal, not anything that was _so_ broken. But he wanted to try didn't he? He did and that was the stupidest part.

"'S Matron's place," he muttered at his cheek absently. He leaned against their rented car and felt nameless things.

In the distance he could see Quistis with Jarvis and it appeared that she'd been unable to resist one card game. There were children playing and bunches of flowers everywhere. Hadn't someone said that the Winhill Flower Festival was this week? The town square seemed busier, the bustle of the marketplace from away, louder. It felt like he was watching the world through a pane of glass. It was always easier to watch, to observe, than to be part of. To think.

Zell didn't want to think anymore. His thoughts ran circles round him and he never had any solutions. So what was the point? He couldn't heal, he couldn't comfort and everything he did was a fluke.

_Thank you._

That wasn't something he expected hear, Seifer apologizing. It had been startling and enough to do him in. Such a simple thing. It was still simple. It was sweet, like crying upon a mother's lap. Was that enough grounds for affection? Was it worth it?

"Zell?"

Zell blinked hard. Quistis was walking up the driveway. How long had he been standing there, visiting Lah Lah Land?

"You look like you're a million miles away."              

"Just thinking." His words came out a croak. He cleared his throat. "How was your game?"

She grinned sheepishly. "You saw that huh? I couldn't help it, you know how weak I am when it comes to cards. I lost a Catoblepas card and the Carbuncle card I won from Squall though."

Slowly, he could feel himself approaching Earth again. "Two cards? That's pretty shitty for you."            

Quistis waved a hand, unconcerned. "Jarvis is pretty crafty but I'll win them back, that's not a problem. So have you found anyone?"

Zell hesitated. "I found Elle. She went to find Laguna."

Quistis saw his hesitation. "And?"

_A crushed Knight at the feet of his Lady._

"Matron's in the back garden. Sef-Seifer's with her." He hurriedly glanced away, horrified that he'd had to _force_ out Seifer's name.

"I see." Though Quistis wasn't one to miss a thing, she said nothing. "Let's give them some time alone then. We could stop by the hotel. I'll check in all our things and you can talk to Squall."

He smiled and it was real. "Thanks Quisty." 

~*~*~*~*~*~

Fujin smirked as she pocketed the two Energy Crystals she'd received after defeating a Ruby Dragon. They were a bitch to fight, those shitty dragons but the loot was a good deal. All in all, fighting in the Tomb was alright, now that she'd ditched Selphie and Irvine. They'd made a fuss since this was only her third time inside the Tomb but she'd insisted. Now that Selphie and Irvine were a couple or something nauseatingly close to that, Fujin had no desire to be around them. She only liked one half of that pair anyways. It was stupid, the way they kept glancing at each other and holding hands and the sickening way they worried about each other after a battle...

Gag me with a spoon, to quote Dolon Schlickter from the Balamb Bait Shop. 

Being in a relationship sucked Wendigo ass. Big time. Fujin knew since she had a boyfriend once. The guy had been a first class assclown. And then there was Seifer who was too dumb to take a clue and notice her. Bah. To hell with that all shit. She didn't need some loser by her side to define her personality. Boys were retarded. And on that note, so were girls. People in general were thick as shit. The only one who knew anything about _anything_ was herself. She was cool because afterall, if you weren't pleased with yourself then no one else would be. She could handle it, being alone. She preferred it actually. She was a SeeD now, she had cash and that was all that really mattered.

Fujin consulted once more with the crumpled map of the Tomb Selphie had given her. Ahead of her lay the heart of the Tomb, where Seifer had stayed. Fujin headed forward cautiously but the path before her was free from monsters. When she and Selphie had come here this morning to gather up the remainder of Seifer's things, Fujin had noticed that the crumbling, stone walls were covered in the ancient Galbadian script of centuries ago. Unknown to everyone except Xu, who also shared her love of linguistics and etymology, Fujin had studied a lot of ancient languages and scripts and knew enough to read. She was curious as to what had been carved upon the Tomb's walls.

Slithering near the Unknown King's casket was a lone Blobra. Two hits took care of the slimy, blue creature and then Fujin was able to set about her task. It took her half an hour to get through just one side of the wall and by then she had enough of an idea to know that the complete picture was far from pretty.

~*~*~*~*~*~

After getting settled into their hotel room, Quistis patted Zell's shoulder reassuringly. "I'm going back to the house," she told him. "When you finish with Squall, come over and we'll talk to Ellone and Laguna." 

Zell nodded and Quistis left. Using the room's TCL, Zell opened up a link to Balamb and waited for Squall to answer. He mentally went over what he was going to say and after five rings, Squall's arid voice came through the line.

"Commander Leonhart."          

"Hey Squall! Man, what's up?" 

"Zell."

Zell rolled his eyes. A hundred years with Rinoa could pass and still Squall wouldn't change. "Yeah okay, don't sound too excited there."

Squall cleared his throat, speaking as though he had to force the words out. "Zell. How are you? Why are you in Winhill?"

He sat down on his bed. "Quistis and I are here. Don't worry, Fujin, Selphie and Irvine are still in Deling working on the situation in the Tomb."

"You guys met up with Fujin and Quistis?"

"Selphie bumped into Fujin on the bus and then Quistis came to visit us so we decided to, you know, hang out for a bit."

There was a silence. "Laguna, Edea and Ellone are in Winhill now. Do you know anything about that?" 

Zell hesitated. "That's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about." He fidgeted and said hastily, "So erm...how's Rinoa? How's the Garden?"

Squall allowed him to evade the subject. "Everything's fine Zell. You guys are all okay, right?"

Zell was impressed. Squall's concern was nice to hear. "We're all doin' alright but there's a...you know, situation I guess, that I need to talk to you about."

"Alright." Squall's voice was impassive, devoid of even the faintest curiosity.

Zell paused for a moment to gather his thoughts and then started to talk. He began with seeing Seifer from the restaurant window that first evening and followed through with everything that happened since. He narrated himself hoarse, making a point to defend Seifer and speak of how much the ex-Knight had changed. The only thing he omitted were his developing feelings but that wasn't any of Squall's business.

Squall didn't interrupt him at all and let him speak as he would. If nothing else, Squall was an excellent listener.

When Zell finished speaking, there was another silence, this one rather long. Jumping to his feet, Zell began to pace as Squall assimilated everything he'd told him.

"I never imagined you'd take Seifer's side," Squall finally remarked.

Zell's lips curved wryly. "Yeah you and me both."

"And Quistis backs you fully?"

"She does."    

"The problem of Ultimecia needs take priority over all else and I commend the way you've taken action. Naturally the Garden fully supports your efforts." Squall paused. "However, I hesitate to accept your conviction upon Seifer's supposed personality change. I don't trust or believe in Seifer and I feel that I'm more than justified. Do you agree with me?"

"Well yeah," Zell replied reluctantly. "But if you _saw_ the-"

"But I haven't," Squall overrode. "And I'm warning you Zell, no matter how he acts or what he does, _do not_ forget his past actions and what he's capable of. I have little faith in his complacency and I'm not overlooking the fact that he is possessed. Possessions, especially ones involving such a powerful entity, have been known to induce the host into odd behavior completely unfamiliar to their natural way of being. I don't think I need to remind you of all the documented cases of possessions we studied in Cadet Enchanted History?"

"No but Squall I think-"

"It's not that I don't trust your judgment," Squall continued, as though he hadn't spoken. "It's Seifer I don't trust. And while I'm sure some part of him _has_ changed, I'm not above accepting the possibility that he may revert to his old ways."

"That crossed my mind," Zell confessed. "And both of us hadda put up with the most of Seifer's shit but Squall he really is a lot different. Now he's all hopeless and guilty, he looks like shit too. I used to hate the hell outta him and now I don't know. I never thought I could feel something other than hate for him. Ultimecia is tearing apart his mind. Literally."

"I don't doubt that," Squall conceded. "All I'm saying is to exercise extreme caution and don't forget who you're dealing with. If Seifer does _anything_ questionable, no matter what the circumstance, I will personally hold you responsible Zell. Do I make myself perfectly clear?"

Zell suppressed a sigh. "Perfectly."

"I trust both you and Quistis implicitly but Seifer's actions have not diminished in my mind. He came under Ultimecia's control once before and it could very well happen again, no matter how he's changed. I ask that you to act with precision and leave the bulk of the exorcism to Matron. I won't have either you or Quistis in danger. Understand?"             

"I understand," he said. "I'll be careful Squall but I'm not gonna hesitate to help Seifer if he needs it. Everyone deserves a second chance and that includes Seifer."

Surprise tinged Squall's voice. "I see. Well then I really have nothing more to say. You're more than capable of dealing with the situation at hand and should you need assistance, you know where to find it but with Matron and-" Here he coughed. "Laguna on hand I doubt if you'll need our help."

"We'll be fine," Zell reassured. "You're not upset that I kept you in the dark for so long are you? Me n' Selphie weren't sure how you'd take the news."

"Personal feelings have nothing to do with Ultimecia's eradication," Squall informed him testily. "As long as you took the time to verify facts and strategize thoroughly then I have no reason to complain."

Zell rolled his eyes. "That's my job."

"It is. Anyway, I need to go but I'll be in touch soon. I want to speak to Quistis later on."

"Yeah okay." He flopped down onto his bed. "Thanks for understanding Squall."

"Just be careful." 

~*~*~*~*~*~

The walls of her confinement were made of pinkened membrane. It shifted and rot before her, pulsating in thick, juicy swallows. The juice that bled from the membrane was red and it puddled at her feet in swelling twists. Thoughts and memories solidified thrust into the pale flesh with an obscenity that was sexual. Thin ribbons of blue and plum patterned the pulp and seemed always ready to slide forth and entwine her. She loathed the squishing tissue with a ferocity that was new and bold to her person. 

She was encompassed thoroughly and that, beyond the anatomical revulsion, was what angered her the most. Unable to leave, unable to even _exist_, she was held in the decaying mind of an equally decaying child like a common prisoner. She, Sorceress of Time and Space, Commander of all that is Ago, Forthwith, and Beyond, she _Ultimecia_, was reduced to nothing more than a parasite in the mind of a drained, ineffectual failure. 

It was degrading.

A Queen she had been, a ruler with the world at her beck and now she was reduced to cowering in a brainy cell. From far beyond, she could sense her creations that the boy had junctioned onto himself. Her Eight Guardians were now serving this worthless Knight. The humiliation of it all was past bearing and when she would break free, her rage would destroy anew. The child, those vile SeeDs, Edea, she would abolish them all. She only needed to strengthen, to bid her time carefully and once she rose again, it would be terrible to behold. She would make certain of it. 

Spindly fingers clenched and with searing patience, Ultimecia quelled her wrath. It had no place here. If this boy would not to behest onto her, so be it. He had failed once before. She needed him not, she only ever needed herself. It would not come to pass, failure twice. She was better than that. This captivity, no better than a junctioned GF really, was not permanent. Now she was stronger and still she could grow. The boy was slowly depleting and by the time Edea prepared her affairs, there would be nothing left of the boy...save for _her_.


End file.
